


Time Lapse

by EternalSurvivor, LeoOtherLands



Series: Losing Time [4]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alpha Hatake Kakashi, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Background Relationships, Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Collaboration, Families of Choice, Family Fluff, Frottage, Knotting, M/M, Married Couple, Missions Gone Wrong, Nightmares, Omega Umino Iruka, Oral Sex, Porn with Feelings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rimming, Smut, Soap Opera Level Plot Twists, Umino Iruka-centric
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2020-07-06
Packaged: 2020-09-26 02:55:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 57,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20382514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalSurvivor/pseuds/EternalSurvivor, https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeoOtherLands/pseuds/LeoOtherLands
Summary: Time has a way of catching up to everyone.Time has a way of uncovering hidden secrets long since buried.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is a collaboration between EternalSurvivor and LeoOtherlands. As such, chapters will take longer than our usual updates to get out. However, we have this whole thing plotted and are very excited to bring our joint venture to our amazing readers.
> 
> We both sincerely hope you enjoy this story. A special thanks to NathTE, ItachisOkami and Allison Hinkle, Editor and Chief of 'Write of Passion' Literary Journal for all the editing and support they gave us while writing this first chapter. Our story would not exist without you.
> 
> We sincerely hope you enjoy this story as much as we do writing it.

_So, I sing this song tonight_

_To the ghost that will not die_

_And somehow it seems to haunt me till the end_

_I remember summer days_

_We were young and unafraid_

_With innocence, we'd glide beneath the stars_

_It seems so long ago_

_Beyond the life that I now know_

_Before the years would have their way and break my heart_

_Do you feel the same_

_For what was remained_

_Yesterday is gone, we can't go back again_

_Do you ever cry for the ghost of days gone by_

Ghost of Days Gone By - Alter Bridge

* * *

Warmth trickled through their bedroom window with a beam of sunlight. Iruka shifted onto his stomach, bronzed arms curling beneath his pillow. The blankets dragged with the movement, wrapping around his waist and legs. Yawning, he burrowed down further into the softness in silent protest.

“Still tired?” Kakashi asked softly.

The question was enough to draw Iruka's dark eyes open again. His gaze drifted to the naked man at his side. "I can't imagine why," Iruka countered playfully, and stretched his achy muscles.

Iruka watched as Kakashi’s grin widened into a knowing smirk, sharp canines protruding from between his lips. “A good workout before sleep is beneficial to all shinobi, Sensei.” The alpha leaned over to press a quick kiss to Iruka’s bare shoulder, trailing a hand lazily down his spine.

A soft groan slipped past Iruka’s lips. “Kakashi…” Warmth curled in his loins, that one caress stirring his arousal. “You’re going to be late again.”

Iruka shuddered as his husband pressed a kiss to his nape, fangs grazing the flushed skin. “I’m the Rokudaime. Who’s going to scold me?” Iruka felt Kakashi’s hand slip beneath the blanket, to curve over the swell of his ass and press two fingers inside him.

“Shikamaru-”, Iruka inhaled sharply, fingers curling into the sheets. “-will scold you! Fuck!” He rocked back against Kakashi’s hand, slick slowly seeping to coat his husband’s fingers. Breathing hard, Iruka rolled onto his back so Kakashi could crawl over him. “I-I have to meet my team for the mission in an hour.” The words were almost a pant. Iruka’s fingers tangled through unruly, silver hair, despite his verbal protests.

Iruka’s hips arched into Kakashi as the alpha settled between his legs and trailed heated kisses and nips from his collarbone to navel. “There’s enough time.” He bit Iruka’s hipbone hard enough to leave a ring of teeth impressions. The chunin jolted, his cry simmering to a garbled groan as Kakashi’s tongue lathed over the marks, raising tingles in the wake of the affectionate laps. The chunin’s groans turned to something deeper as Kakashi nudged his legs apart and turned his attention to Iruka’s inner thigh. A soft, wet tongue glided over flesh, lingering on a patch of skin slightly raised and lighter than the rest of his tanned hue. Teeth nipped and Iruka shivered.

Iruka could never quite recall how he got the scar or when the injury occurred. It was faded with age, hinting at a mishap from his youth where memories were often blurred or missing with time. It was a little thing, most likely from a stray shuriken or katon jutsu. Iruka whimpered as Kakashi grazed his teeth across the sensitive discolouration. The alpha loved worshiping the striking lines that reminded him of his own lightning affinity and Iruka was always helpless in the face of it.

The omega’s entire body flushed a rosy pink, his cock heavy and full with arousal. He threw an arm across his face, heels digging into the mattress when Kakashi squeezed his ass. “Stop teasing me, dammit!” Getting this wet from a few kisses and a bite was embarrassing.

The alpha hummed, his fingers stroking over the round bruises he’d left on Iruka’s hips the previous night. “Yes, Sensei~” The kage dipped his head down and swallowed his husband’s cock with ease. A string of colourful profanities slipped past Iruka’s lips. A full-body shudder wracked through him, coiling the heated arousal tighter through his loins and lower stomach. The curses petered off into a soft groan as his cock flattened Kakashi’s tongue and pressed to the back of his throat.

“Ah fuck!” Iruka swore, hips bucking at the sudden, moist warmth encasing his arousal. His fingers twisted through Kakashi’s hair, directing the bob of his head and press of his mouth. Another deep shudder went through him when his husband’s tongue flicked across the tip and aching glans.

Kakashi eased both hands beneath the chunin and pressed two fingers back inside him. Iruka hissed and squeezed his eyes shut, his muscles ached deliciously from Kakashi repeatedly pounding him into the mattress the night before. Iruka hooked a leg over the alpha’s shoulder and pushed his heel impatiently into his back. Kakashi’s muffled chuckle sent tantalizing vibrations through his throbbing cock.

Iruka bit his bottom lip, hips trembling as the coiling heat spread through his thighs and lower stomach. “K-Kakashi…!!” He gasped out and rocked between his husband’s talented mouth and fingers. His inner muscles clenched, a graze of teeth drawing a whimper from the omega.

Kakashi twisted his fingers and scissored them expertly, making Iruka scream. The loud cry activated silencing seals painted directly onto their bedroom walls. The curved brushwork flashed bright red, briefly illuminating the couple in crimson. “Alpha!” His nails dug into Kakashi’s shoulders, leaving half-moon shaped grooves behind. “Alpha! Kakashi, please…”

The kage moved with speed befitting one of his esteemed title. Their lips crashed together needily, parting, heads tilting. Iruka tasted himself on his husband's tongue with delight, hooked his legs around Kakashi's hips and arched into him.

Iruka arched his hips so Kakashi could position a pillow beneath his lower back. A heady whimper from Iruka seemed to snap the last of the alpha's control. With a roll of his hips, Kakashi pressed inside the omega.

Iruka broke the kiss, throwing his head back with a sharp cry. His legs hugged Kakashi to him, the press and stretch of his inner walls around the hard cock sent tiny, pleasurable sparks up his spine. He worried his bottom lip between his teeth to stifle any more sounds. They couldn't be too loud, not with-

"Fuck, you're so wet," Kakashi murmured as his nose pressed to Iruka’s neck, scenting him as they both adjusted. Iruka pressed kisses to his mate's neck and damp hairline- strands of silverish hair stuck to his skin, the locks almost grey from sweat. His hands stroked down the Rokudaime's back, lingering over old scars as if to worship the pale, marred skin. Iruka tilted his head to give Kakashi better access to his neck. His husband’s hot breath sent shudders down the omega’s spine as he mouthed along his skin with a whispered, “you smell so fucking good, _ Iruka!” _

For a short while, they just explored each other, worshipping flesh and old scars until they were both feverish with need. They didn't get time for tenderness like they once did. Since the war ended, mounting responsibilities kept them both busy. Running Konoha, teaching the next generation, and working to maintain peace with four very different shinobi villages- it would put a strain on the strongest relationship. So, they cherished these fleeting moments and kept the memories tucked away until the next chance presented itself.

A needy press of Iruka’s heel to his ass finally urged Kakashi to move. They rocked together, savouring the steady heat rising in their bodies. The alpha pressed deep, his thrusts short and sharp against Iruka’s prostate. The chunin wrapped himself around his husband and muffled his cries against a pale shoulder. They both knew his pending mission could keep him from the village upwards of a month. The disconcerting awareness showed in the deliberately slow way they came together.

It was far too soon before Iruka was a sweaty, trembling mess beneath his husband. The perspiration left their heated skin glistening. Kakashi knew exactly where to touch, how to hit that angle just right so he was left seeing stars. Iruka felt in the tension in Kakashi’s shoulders, the way he panted in heated gasps against his neck. Neither of them would last much longer.

The omega shifted beneath Kakashi when he felt a familiar pressure begin to build against his entrance. “Do it.” He pushed his elbows beneath him, leaning up to fit their mouths together for a breathless, desperate kiss. Kakashi snarled against his lips, fingers digging into his hips as he pushed his knot deep inside Iruka, tying them together intimately.

Iruka’s hips bucked off the bed, his legs tightening around his husband’s hips. His sharp cries were muffled by Kakashi’s mouth greedily swallowing every sound he made. The hard cock locked so deep inside him left Iruka trembling and teetering on the very edge of completion. Full, he felt so damn full with the alpha stretching him open. The omega’s nails dug into pale shoulders, raking red lines down his husband’s back.

Locked beneath the alpha as he was, all Iruka could do was writhe when Kakashi’s fangs grazed the mating gland he’d had first punctured all those years ago. “K-Kakashi!” A calloused hand slipped between their bodies to close around the base of Iruka’s cock. “_ Alpha-!!” _ Iruka’s throaty moan sharpened into an outright scream when that hand stroked up and gave a skilled twist.

The omega tossed his head from side to side, feeling the utterly raptured scrutiny of his mate as the other man watched him come apart. His hot seed coated the alpha’s hand and the press of his inner walls around the knot drew a possessive growl from Kakashi. “Mine, you’re all mine.”

Iruka’s head tumbled back, russet locks fanning out on the pillow beneath his head, his muscles quivered and eyes shut tight. He turned his face into Kakashi’s neck, arching close so they were chest-to-chest, skin against skin. The knot tugged deliciously at his inner walls with each thrust, exploding white stars behind his eyelids. “D-Dammit, Kakashi…” Iruka’s hand slipped down to cup Kakashi’s hips and dug in.

The alpha shuddered above him, his pale skin flushed pink from head to toe. Iruka groaned as he felt Kakashi thrust deep with a guttural growl. The rush of hot seed inside him made Iruka arch with a moan and press his feet into the mattress.

They collapsed onto the bed, the Rokudaime’s heavy weight pressed into his mate. Iruka took the load, gently kissing Kakashi’s shoulder to ease him down from the sexual high. The alpha turned his head enough to catch Iruka’s lips. They curled around each other, exchanging languid kisses as their heartbeats slowed and the knot softened.

Iruka’s eyes slid closed with a sigh, savouring the feel of Kakashi's hands carting through the brown locks he knew his husband loved so much. The gentle fingers slowly worked out a few knots as they rested in each other’s arms. The alpha shifted his weight to an elbow, grey eyes fixed on Iruka’s face. “See, plenty of time.”

The omega resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “You better hope-”

A smash from the kitchen accompanied by a few muffled barks caught their attention. Kakashi groaned and pushed his face to his husband’s neck. “Not again.”

“He’s your son.” Iruka patted the kage’s shoulder, slowly untangling their bodies. “It’s about time we got up anyway.”

“Why is he only my son?” Kakashi asked, as Iruka slid out of the bed and stretched, further relieving overworked muscles. An innocence look was spread over the alpha’s face.

Iruka shot his husband an unimpressed glance over his shoulder, slowly working his muscles so they wouldn’t tighten before the mission. “He inherited your lack of finesse.”

“Hey now,” Kakashi said, moving to wrap his arms around the omega so fast, it took Iruka’s breath away. “I don’t believe you were thinking I lack finesse a few minutes ago.”

Flushing deep crimson, Iruka swatted away the hands resting on his hips, even as another clattering crash emanated from the kitchen, followed quickly by a yelp from a ninken. That sounded like Bisuke. Groaning, the omega rubbed a hand over his face. “I better get some clothes on.”

Kakashi caught him again, his hands tight as he drew Iruka close for a final, quick kiss. “I’ve got this. Go take a shower, Ru.”

Iruka lingered in the kiss, prolonging the inevitable a little longer. It wasn’t often he went on missions, especially in this hard-won era of peace. The few missions he did participate in, often required his specific expertise, such as the upcoming educational conference in Suna.

“Thanks,” Iruka murmured when they broke the kiss. With a final squeeze to Kakashi’s shoulder, the omega gathered up his uniform and headed to clean up.

The water was a relief to his sore frame. He longed to stay under the hot mist for hours instead of the few scant minutes he had. His husband’s idea, and his- if he dared to admit to his own complacency- of having some final fun in bed cut his time short. Stepping out of the water, Iruka towelled off and dragged his uniform on. His hair was still damp and a tie still dangling from his mouth when he entered the kitchen.

Iruka nearly tripped over his own feet at the sight that greeted him. His mouth dropped open and the hair tie plopped to the floor.

“What in the world happened here?!”

Four guilty faces turned to him, two human and two furry, equally guilt-ridden. Their son Houki was covered from head to toe in flour, and Kakashi, his oh so finesseful husband, had streaks of batter oozing down his bare cheeks. The two ninken were hardly better. Their fur was matted and paw prints were scattered over the floor through whatever had been dumped there. Dishes were stacked precariously in the sink and on the counters, and the stove…

_ Oh, my poor stove! _

“What… in the world…”

“Papa!” Houki squirmed out from behind Kakashi and bolted into Iruka’s arms. “I made you breakfast before you have to go!”

The chunin scooped his son up, sighing when he realized he was going to have flour all down his front. “You sure did.”

“Do you wanna pancake, Papa?” Houki’s wide, grey eyes were all Kakashi’s.

Iruka chuckled softly despite himself. His heart ached at the thought of leaving his son behind. Their little boy was growing up far too quickly. “Sounds fantastic!”

* * *

They walked to the gates of Konoha with Houki swinging between them, one of his little hands held firmly in each of his fathers’. Kakashi’s Hokage hat hung from the strap against his shoulders as they walked, the white cloak swapped in favour of_ ‘Rokudaime’ _ written in bright, red letters down his back. Their pup’s laughter and bright smile filled Iruka with a conflicting coil of happiness and sorrow. These last few minutes before departing on a mission were always bittersweet.

Houki had been an unplanned miracle. He and Kakashi practically raised Naruto through his teenage years. Both of them thought that was as close as they would come to a child of their own. As orphans of war, neither he nor his husband were willing to bring a child into such turbulent times. So they loved Naruto and each other and that was enough.

With the formation of the Shinobi Union at the end of the Fourth Great Ninja War, a tentative peace between the Five Great Nations was formed. Kakashi accepted the role of Rokudaime Hokage and Iruka took up new responsibilities as both a Hokage Aid and Vice-Principal of the Academy. For the first time in their relationship, both Iruka and Kakashi were mostly village bound. Their duties kept them insanely busy, but they fell asleep side by side every night and woke up in each others’ arms every morning.

They established a new norm for themselves and Naruto in this new era. But peace had a way of putting one at ease. Neither he nor Kakashi took the meticulous precautions they once did. And so, after five years of marriage and almost a decade together, Iruka unexpectedly discovered he was pregnant.

They were both _ terrified. _

With the result of their union now chattering happily between them, Iruka could confidently say he was happily with his life. Happy with the unexpected turns fate had taken him on.

“Hey, you’re late.” Naruto raised a hand in greeting, breaking Iruka’s flow of thought. The younger man stood supporting a sleeping Shikadai curled against his shoulder. “I knew it was only a matter of time before Kakashi-sensei’s bad habits rubbed off on you, Iruka-sensei.”

The chunin just chuckled and pressed a kiss to his honorary grandson’s head. “We had an adventure cooking breakfast.” As well as a delay in bed, but Naruto didn’t need that little detail. Not in the least...

“I made Papa pancakes, Naruto-nii-chan!” Houki interjected proudly.

Naruto leaned down to ruffle the boy’s unruly, brown hair. “I bet you did a great job.”

“I did.” Houki puffed his chest up with pride and motioned to Kakashi over his shoulder. “Daddy made a mess.”

“I what now?!” Kakashi’s mouth fell open behind his mask. “I’ll show you who made a mess!” With a playful growl, he lifted Houki up and dangled their flailing pup over his shoulder. Iruka and Naruto both turned away to hide their laughter.

“Shikadai wanted to say goodbye before you left, but he passed out on the way over. Boruto’s been running him ragged lately.” Naruto nuzzled his face affectionately into his eldest son’s stubby, brown ponytail. “He likes to help with his siblings, but he really inherited Shika’s personality, ya know?”

“Yes, I do.” Iruka spared his husband and son an affectionate glance. “Keep an eye on them for me while I’m gone? I feel they will need it.”

“Sure thing, Iruka-sensei.” Naruto pulled his former teacher into a quick, one-armed hug. “I better get home before Hima-chan wakes up, though.” Iruka knew Naruto didn’t like leaving his mate with their newborn daughter for very long.

“Give Shikamaru my regards.” Iruka squeezed the blonde’s shoulder lightly and stepped back. With a final good-bye to Kakashi and Houki, Naruto leapt onto the closest roof and was gone.

Turning away from where Naruto had disappeared, Iruka waved to his squadmates waiting patiently for him at the village gates. He’d worked with Daikoku his entire teaching career, while Sadoru had come under his wing as a teaching-assistant after the war. She’d since blossomed into a wonderful instructor for the younger classes. With a sigh, he lifted Houki from Kakashi’s arms and hugged his son tightly. “I need to get going, too.”

Kakashi drew his husband close and tipped the Hokage hat around to block their faces. Iruka grinned and tugged the alpha’s face mask down for a goodbye kiss. Houki squeezed his eyes shut and turned his face away from them. “Eww! That’s icky.”

“Oh? I think you just want a kiss, too!” Iruka earned a squeal from his son when he blew a raspberry onto his stomach. He held Houki close then, despite the feeble protests of, ‘I’m too big, Papa’, his son fronted with. The four-year-old clung to him in the end, small arms and legs wrapped tightly around his waist and neck.

Kakashi smoothed a hand down Houki’s back after a few minutes. “Papa’s team is waiting for him,” he murmured gently.

The boy reluctantly let his father lift him from Iruka’s arms. “Wait, Papa!” He pulled a small package from inside his shirt and held it out to the chunin. “Take this with you, it’ll keep you safe.”

Houki’s parents shared a quick look over the top of his head. Their son inherited Kakashi’s prodigal genius and Iruka’s prankster cleverness. That was never a good combination. Still, Iruka took the tiny parcel and kissed his son’s forehead, thinking he knew what his pup had given him. “Thank you, I’ll open it on the way. Be good for Daddy while I’m gone.”

“I will, Papa.”

“I’ll be going now.” Iruka pressed a final kiss to Kakashi’s cloth-covered mouth. He lingered a moment, eyes locked on his husband’s. “I’ll be back soon, Kakashi, I love you.”

Kakashi’s grey eyes darkened, but he nodded. It had been their mutually unspoken but never forgotten practice, that promise to come back, all through their years together. “I love you too.”

With one last glance back at his husband and son, Iruka shouldered his pack and leaped out the village gates after his teammates. 

* * *

A sigh pushed past Iruka’s lips. He leaped and landed on a wide tree branch, balancing on his fingers and toes and cocking his head to listen. The forest was silent, apart from the faint tickle of wind in the leaves and the light tap of Daikoku and Sadoru’s feet on the bark. The chunin’s teammates could have moved through the branches without those sounds escaping, but they didn’t feel the need any more than he did. The Land of Waves’ borders might be close, but their three-man squad was still comfortably within the Land of Fire.

Another sigh slipped past his lips. Iruka’s muscles tensed as he propelled himself from his lazy perch to the next branch up ahead. The chunin always hated leaving Kakashi and Houki. Knowing how long it would be before he saw them again only made it worse, weeks to a month was too long a time to be apart.

The only pleasant thing was the lingering ache in all the omega’s extremities from Kakashi’s lovemaking. Iruka’s clothes rasped over the bite marks his husband left on his hip and inner thigh, near that lightning strike scar. The memory of the alpha’s hot mouth on his cock raised a new heat in his cheeks and brought forth the thought of Kakashi’s knot tying them together.

Iruka shook his head, trying to clear it of improper thoughts, and took a leap. The chunin landed harder than he needed too and further cursed himself for the clumsiness. His feet stumbled forward on the branch, trying to recover his balance, and he found himself near the bough of the tree.

With a final sigh, Iruka reached out a hand to steady himself, only to pause as his fingers brushed the rough bark. There was something white fluttering just above his hand, half shielded by leaves.

A numb dread gnawed through the omega. Iruka lifted his hand to push the leaves away. It was paper. A thin, rectangular tag tacked to the tree and so out of place it made his stomach churn. White paper soiled with curling black script, centered around one character.

Baku.

Explode.

_ Paper bomb. _

Iruka registered the fact with the silence of the forest growing to a loud, pounding hum in his ears. _ Oh fuck, no _ . Disbelief, and a bit of shock, locked his limbs and left him holding the leaves back, staring at the sinister, yet innocence looking tag. He might have stayed there, frozen a moment too long, but for a voice. One which rose heavy in his mind, turning the key in the lock on his body.

A voice like a whisper of days gone by, a voice Iruka somehow knew. It gave him a sense of duality on the rare occasions he found himself in battle. A voice, both angry and hopeless, shouting at him from the back of his mind.

_ Get away from it, Iruka. Get away from it now! _

The chunin launched himself off the branch, his mouth open to warn Daikoku and Sadoru of the danger. He never managed to utter the words. Iruka took the explosion in the back. The force tossed him off course and hurled him into another tree. His head hit the trunk, and the world blinked out.

When Iruka half woke, he was limp and falling. His body hit branches, as he turned end over end, shaken with each impact. He was conscious enough to cross his arms before his face, protecting his most vulnerable area from more damage. But something snapped on the way down, the dry crack ratcheting pain up the chunin’s arm. That wasn’t wood, it was, in fact, something more intimate and essential to a shinobi- his wrist.

Iruka could do no more about the fracture than he could to halt his free fall in such a compromised state. He was conscious enough to register the foggy earth coming into view and the massive boulder at the trunk’s base. Iruka slammed down hard and his world blanked again.

He came to, dazed, his head ringing and sounds muted from the burst of the paper bomb in his ears. Yet, even laying there, taking count of every tick of pain erupting in him, the chunin was able to discern two positive things. One, he hadn’t hit the rock and cracked his head open. He’d somehow come to rest wedged between it and a thick tangle of roots, instead. Two, both the rock and the roots had shielded him.

_ Luckily. _

A thick mat of senbon covered the ground around him. Some of them just barely having missed his outstretched fingers and face. He’d avoided an attack by virtue of having been unconscious.

Iruka was _ definitely _leaving that out of his mission report. Kakashi would haze him about it until they were old and grey.

Sitting up, Iruka was able to determine just how much damage his encounter with the tree had done. His right wrist was broken, the hand and arm on either side of the fracture already swollen and nerveless. His fingers stiffened at the second knuckle, making movements extremely limited, making the hand basically useless. Though likely not broken, his left ankle was badly sprained. Putting pressure on it wasn’t going to be pleasant or easy. Every shallow breath he took left him wanting to cradle his chest and sides. He must have cracked a few ribs or at least bruised them deeply.

His head was a throbbing mess. It felt like someone stuffed it full of cotton.

A thin trickle of blood slid down behind Iruka’s left ear. His hitai-ate was missing, lost somewhere in the twigs and leaves above. With his uninjured hand, Iruka gingerly felt along his skull, searching for puncture wounds or fractures. His fingers came away bloody. Definitely a concussion.

Bottom line, once he got up, he’d be moving slow and there was no way he’d be weaving signs. His ears burned with embarrassment, one paper bomb and a run-in with a tree had torn him apart. His domestic lifestyle, in an era of peace, had him extremely out of practice.

_ If I make it out of here alive, Kakashi and I are starting our morning spars again. _

With his uninjured hand, Iruka unclasped the medical pouch from his belt. It took some creative maneuvering with his teeth to get it open and withdraw the supplies he needed. Years of teaching young children to use deadly weapons made basic first aid skills second nature. He bound two of the elastic wraps around his sprained ankle, keeping the wrapping snug but not tight enough to cut off the circulation.

There was little he could do for his wrist. He pressed onto the fracture, pain hissing from between his tightly clenched teeth. Not a clean break, _ damn it. _ He used his third elastic wrap to bandage the break and pulled it tight with his teeth. Pain throbbed up his arm and out through his fingertips. That would need a medic to heal. Finally, he pressed a gauze pad to the laceration in his hairline and taped it in place.

With his injuries tended to the best of his abilities, he swallowed a soldier pill and some painkillers dry. He put a bit of weight on his sprained foot and had to bite back a groan. Was this really the best he could do?

_ Practically immobile _. The voice was testy when it dropped that thought in his mind. Iruka admitted to it reluctantly, but pushed past it and found his footing. The chunin couldn’t stay where he was. He had to locate his teammates. Somewhere in the smoke and upheaval Daikoku and Sadoru had to be near.

They had to be, but all he saw was a group of a dozen or so shinobi standing around a man holding a folded umbrella in his hands.

“Missed one,” a man among the shinobi said, taking a step toward Iruka, sword in hand.

The umbrella wielder stopped the other man’s advance with his weapon of choice, laying the folded fabric over his chest. “So, we did. What an interesting coincidence.”

Stepping forward, his lips curling into a sinister smile, the man looked the omega over, gaze lingering across his chest and hips. “Hello, Iruka. Of all the Leaf shinobi I anticipated meeting again, you’re the one I least expected.” He barked a laugh. “You look awful.”

A swirl of confusion spun in his addled head and apprehension constricted his chest. The man clearly knew him, but Iruka was sure he’d never seen him before. He would have remembered a man like _ him. _ Of average height and slim in body, it was the long, messy, dark green hair that drew the eye. It hung about fine, delicate features to accentuate his attractiveness. He was pretty.

All except his eyes.

Those jet orbs were full of dark amusement as he advanced upon the chunin.

Iruka let a kunai slip into his left hand, from where it was hidden up his sleeve with other things, and pivoted slightly, to keep green hair in full view ahead. He tracked the stranger’s movements while being mindful of the space around him within arms’ length. That irritating little voice rang in the back of his mind again. _ Know your space, hold your space. _ Iruka repeated it to himself as he counted the approaching man’s steps. With his current physical limitations, the chunin wouldn’t strike until his opponent crossed the invisible line separating them.

The man stopped well outside it, however, not drawing any other weapon besides the odd umbrella, and just smiled. “Not even going to say hello, Iruka?”

“Who are you?” Iruka asked, memorizing his surroundings and, quite literally, minding what was up his sleeve. Iruka silently blessed Houki’s recent obsession and his departing gift.

The obsidian eyes studying the chunin flickered, his smile hardening sinisterly. “Honestly, Iruka, you want to play that game? I think you’ve changed more than I have. You really don’t recognize me?”

“I can’t say I do. I think I’d remember _ you.” _

The words seemed to have a negative effect on the man. He scowled briefly, brows knitting together, then he let loose another laugh. His pretty face went cold. “I know you do, Iruka, and I don’t like being played with.” He took a predatory step forward. “But if you insist on it, then let’s play.”

That one step was followed by a second, then a third- a sure advance Iruka knew the man had no intention of stopping. The chunin didn’t want to do this, but he knew he had no choice. The stranger’s idea of _ play _ was likely to end worse than his run-in with the tree.

Still.

_ Know your space, hold your space… _ The words ran through Iruka’s mind in a kind of half growl. _ Wait. _

Iruka altered his stance slightly, as his opponent suddenly shifted his direction of approach. His ankle throbbed with pain, but he ignored it, keeping the man in sight dead ahead.

“A defensive position,” he chuckled. “How noble and _ boring _!” The last word was accented with a forward spring.

_ Perfect. _ The thought was barely there, swallowed in instinct.

Iruka let the kunai go with a flick of his uninjured wrist. His opponent deflected it with ease. That was fine, the kunai bought him the split second he needed to utilize Houki’s gift. The three _ kemuridama _ slipped from his sleeve and into his fingers with ease, as if they were truly meant to protect him. The chunin threw the small, paper-wrapped spheres onto the ground. Tan smoke enveloped him along with a growl and some coughs from his would-be attacker.

Half of him wanted to smirk at that, at the fact this man jumped right into such a simple trap, but the other half just screamed to _ move _. There would be no second chance.

Ribs, ankle, right arm, head, hell, every bit of Iruka protested the quick movements. For a moment, the omega even worried his leg would give way. Dizziness blurred his vision when he jumped to a close-by tree branch. Iruka steadied himself, hugged the trunk, and managed to stay upright. Before Mr. Green-Haired-Umbrella-Wielder danced out of the little smoke cloud he’d left him in, Iruka had leapt two branches and one tree back from where he’d started.

Not a lot, but some hard-won space to think and to worry.

_ Fuck, where were Daikoku and Sadoru? _

“What the hell was that?!”

“Are you alright?!”

The shouts from below rang up to him as he edged around the bough of the tree. _ Please don’t have any explosive tags hidden up here. _ It seemed the opposition was concerned for their leader.

“They were nothing but smoke bombs, you idiots!” The man snarled back at them. Then, in a new tone, “Iruka!”

Iruka stiffened, his head turning toward the shout.

“Let’s be adult about this, Iruka! We both know you haven’t gone far, but I’m not in the mood to go look for you! How about you just come back?”

_ Yeah, not a chance _. Iruka’s fingers scraped on the bark for purchase.

A rippling laugh reached the chunin’s ears and spread a chill down his spine. “In fact! I’ll even make you a deal I think you’ll appreciate! Come back and fight me, and I’ll let your little friend here live!”

_ Oh fuck, no. _ Anxiety coiled heavy and tight in his stomach. This wasn’t good. With his heart thumping, Iruka stepped back on the bark to peer through the foliage, terrified of what he’d see.

His tormentor didn't disappoint.

While Iruka was up the tree, planning for a quick dash away with his teammates in tow, the group of shinobi had produced Daikoku and Sadoru.

Daikoku lay face up, blood trailing out of his lips and a hole in his chest so wide the chunin could’ve put both fists through it. Dead, glazed eyes stared straight ahead at nothing. Sadoru was sprawled on her stomach. Whatever injuries she had, at least she was still breathing for the moment. Her back rose and fell in shuddering rattles.

The man with the green hair set his jaw. Bending, he grasped the long, dark hair that escaped Sadoru's typical bun, and dragged her head off the ground. She didn’t protest, didn’t cry out, didn’t move, just hung there. Her face was smeared with dirt, and blood was welling from a wound below her collarbone.

“She isn’t doing so well!” he called into the trees. “One of the poison senbon from my Senbon Shower seems to be giving her some pain! I imagine she has a few hours left to struggle!” With a grunt and a flourish, he stabbed the tip of his umbrella into the ground, so he could pull a kunai from his belt. Frowning, he laid the kunai against Sadoru’s throat. “Unless of course, I just kill her now! Your choice, Ruka! Come fight me, or I cut her throat!”

Iruka's heart pounded in his ears, the pulse painful and jolting. Any doubt he carried about the man knowing him was wiped away with that name. _ Ruka. _ Very few called the omega anything other than Iruka. Those who did were apt to call him _ sensei _ or some variation on that. On a rare occasion, Kakashi called him Ru, as his husband knew it made him blush. But Kakashi never called him Ruka. Only one person _ ever _ called him that and Hiruzen had been dead for years.

_ Ruka. _

A few people from his youth might remember the old nickname, but not many.

How the hell did that man _ know it _?

_ What was the connection? _

This wasn’t the time to think of it.

The man’s frown deepened. He pressed the blade firmly to the flesh of Sadoru’s neck, drawing a thin, spreading line of blood. “What’s it going to be, Ruka?”

_ Stupid _, that internal voice sighed, but Iruka pushed it away, his muscles already in motion. He landed awkwardly on his damaged ankle, despite an attempt to hide the injury. The chunin stumbled forward a step before straightening to face his challenger. He schooled his face against the anxiety churning in his stomach. Sadoru's life hung by a thread.

The man smiled. “I thought this might get your attention, Iruka. You always were so sensitive about _ teammates _.” He said the last word like it was filth, almost spat it at the chunin as if that was to make him angry.

_ Why _?

“How do I know you won’t kill Sadoru, even if I do fight you?” _ As though I have a choice now… _

“Oh, you don’t, Ruka.” He moved the kunai from the kunoichi’s throat and used her hair to toss her back into the waiting hands of his fellow shinobi. _ Missing-nin _ , Iruka noted by the slashes through their headbands. “The fact is. If you entertain me, I _ might _ let her live. If you don’t, I’ll kill you both. I’d think you’d know that about me.”

“I don’t know who you are.” Iruka didn’t want to say the words, but they seemed like a good distraction.

The man’s lips turned down in a frown. “Don’t you, Red Bird? We’ll see.” His eyes narrowed as he took a step toward Iruka on an angle. The chunin moved to keep him in sight, turning his ankle in the process. The throbbing pain was too much to keep the grimace off his face.

“Such a pity. You are a mess and that’ll make this less fun.” His smile curved sinisterly. “But how’s this, to compensate for all you _ lack _, we’ll do this hand to hand.” He tossed his kunai away. “No weapons, no jutsu, just you and me, Ruka. The way it used to be. Think you can entertain me?”

_ If you fight him, he’ll kill you. _ The voice in his head seemed to drift away after imparting this oh so useful information.

_ Tell me something I don’t know _, Iruka shot back.

Outwardly, Iruka nodded with a curt jerk of his chin. He fell into a ready stance, one foot behind the other, left hand raised to block, right arm tucked against his side and out of the way. Then there was no more time to think. Obsidian eyes blew wide as the man threw himself at Iruka.

The incoming assault from above was met with a high block from Iruka, wrist at a perfect forty-five-degree angle above his head. The low kicks aimed for his injured leg were countered with parring kicks. A right hook headed for the right side of Iruka’s face got turned away by a soft block with the chunin’s left palm. The opening it created allowed him to get in a stout roundhouse kick against the protest of his aching ankle.

The omega’s opponent staggered back, nursing a split lip. He brushed the blood away and graced Iruka with a half pleased, half annoyed smirk. “This the best you can do, Red Bird? Funny, I remember you being far less useless.”

The insult and the unfamiliar epitaph irked the omega. This man did nothing but bait and threaten him. It was starting to piss him off. “Why the hell do you keep calling me that?!” Iruka ground out through clenched teeth. “And who the fuck are you?!”

The smirk cracked at the edges, revealing something unpleasantly twisted and a whole lot sadistic. It made him take a step back as that voice in his head spoke up again. _ Careful. _

“I’m getting tired of this game, Ruka, and you're holding back too!” He lunged at the chunin far quicker than before. This time, Iruka responded too slowly. He took a punch to the gut and got thrown back. Iruka rolled and came up gasping. He spat out some blood, coughing raggedly. _ A poor sign _ .

Then the man was on him. Literally _ on _ him, astride his waist, before Iruka could regain his breath and pinning his wrists above his head. The man squeezed the omega’s fracture so hard, he barely held back a scream.

“Red Bird, Red Bird. Either you’re taunting me out of spite, or there’s something happening in that head of yours I don’t get. Even beat to shit, you used to be better than this. So, tell me.” He leaned down close enough for the omega to catch a whiff of strong alpha scent. Iruka jerked his head away with a growl. “_ Which. Is. It _?” He applied more forceful pressure to Iruka’s broken wrist, making the chunin grit his teeth. The stranger leaned in even further to scent his neck. “I’m getting tired of fucking with you. Though, fucking you was always nice.”

The words made Iruka’s blood run cold. _ What? _ Dark brown eyes snapped up to stare into those disconcerting jet eyes. “What the fuck are you talking about?!”

“Oh,” the alpha chuckled and pressed his nose firmly to Iruka’s bonding gland, right where Kakashi had marked him all those years ago. “That’s interesting. It looks like someone’s made you their bitch.”

Iruka snarled at the alpha above him, jerked his head to the side and bucked his shoulder. “I’m no one’s bitch.”

The stranger shifted his weight down, straddling the chunin’s legs. With a rough yank, he pulled Iruka’s flak jacket, blue undershirt and mesh armour up in one motion. Iruka’s c-section scar had faded in the years since Houki’s birth, but it still stood out prominently against his bronze skin for what it was. No battle scar healed that neatly. “This tells a different story, Ruka.” His fingers curved across the scar almost lovingly. “Or did I fuck a brat into you before I left? Been hiding something from me all this time, Red Bird?”

Iruka saw red. Spurred by a wave of unreasonable anger, he ignored both the pain in his wrist and ribs and bucked the man off him, in one furious motion, by bringing his legs up and around. “Leave my family out of this!”

They both rolled in the dirt, then scrambled to rise. Iruka teetered but managed to avoid his opponent’s first incoming assault. The next clipped the chunin in the jaw and dropped him to his knees. The man circled around him, eyes narrowed, leaves stuck in his now even messier green hair.

“Who… the hell _ are _ you?” Iruka panted and braced his left hand on the ground for traction. His head was starting to spin, vision blurred again. His thoughts were a jumbled whirl as he searched old memories, looking for any possible time he’d _ ever _ slept with this man. No _ fucking _ way would he be attracted to someone like that. Iruka squinted through the throbbing migraine. He could feel the warm trickle of blood start anew from behind his ear. His head wound must’ve reopened.

The man openly laughed, still pacing around the chunin in that predator’s circle. “As I recall, you used to whimper _ ‘alpha’ _ at me when I nipped that scar on your inner thigh. You know, Ruka, your little lightning bolt.”

Iruka’s jaw sagged open in shock, his mind struggled to comprehend how that strange alpha knew such an intimate detail. All he could do was stare at the man in something beyond disbelief and utter horror. It was more than impossible, it was_ incomprehensible. _ He had never slept with this man, he was sure of it.

_ Are you? _

Iruka jerked at the voice’s question, spoken in a mixture of anger and hopelessness. The implications sent a cold chill down his spine.

_ Get on your feet, Iruka _, was its final, exasperated admonishment before leaving him alone with his green-haired taunter.

Iruka rose slowly, grimacing and swaying to his feet. But something had changed in his opponent. That smile had slipped, at last, leaving his face bare and hard. He looked the omega up and down when he stood, eyes again lingering longest on his hips before snapping up to his face.

“You really don’t remember, do you, my Red Bird? That’s a pity because this you isn’t very entertaining.”

“Well, I can’t say I like you very much either.”

The man barked another laugh, throwing his head back, while he shook with mirth. “Come at me, Ruka.” His attention snapped to Iruka with a grin. “Let’s finish this.”

Grunting, Iruka did just that, going on the offensive against all his normal cautionary tendencies. Caution would get him nowhere with this man.

For a few moves, the switch in tactics seemed to work. Iruka held his own. He could see the strain in the other man’s face and the way his breathing came laboured. The chunin moved to deliver a cutting blow to that face with his elbow and suddenly cried out, glinting, gritty dust coating his eyes.

A solid kick to the chest knocked the wind out of Iruka and threw him back into a wide tree trunk. Twin spikes of pain erupted his hands. Iruka screamed, the sound slowly dissolving into a thin and unexpected moan.

The man had crucified Iruka to the tree with a kunai through each palm.

“You… cheated,” Iruka managed through gritted teeth. Sluggish tears dragging the dust out of his eyes slowly, so he could see the monster’s approach.

He shrugged. “My game, my rules, Red Bird. I’d say you should know that about me, but it looks like you don’t.” He took the omega by the throat, so he could push Iruka’s head back against the coarse bark and nibble at his ear.

Iruka choked against his hand, trying to get his head away from the unwanted touch. Disgust churned in his stomach until he felt nauseous. The bastard bit his ear and laughed, the reverberations of it hitting that sensitive place along his neck. Then he pulled back to look at his catch.

“I’d say it’s been fun, Ruka, but to be honest, it’s been rather boring. At least you’ve attempted to entertain me, so I won’t outright kill your teammate.” Another shrug. “Who knows, maybe she’ll even wake up before she dies from that poison. As for you, Red Bird...” He leaned in to press a light kiss to Iruka’s lips. The chunin used the last of his strength to bite the man’s bottom lip. The stranger jerked back with a scowl, crimson droplets blossoming from the puncture marks. “Leaving you alive is a mistake I don’t intend to make twice.”

He let go of Iruka’s neck. The omega coughed, desperate for air, as he raised watering eyes to the man who he should know. The man he somehow should have remembered. There was another kunai in his hand.

It was amazing how long one’s last moment of life could last, how time seemed to slow to a half sick, liquid pace. Iruka was able to trace the kunai’s full arch to his head and ponder each flicker of reflected sun off its blade before it hit.

_ Kakashi… Houki… I’m sorry. This time, I won’t be coming back _.

Iruka expected pain, but there was none.

Only darkness.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are amazed and thrilled by the response this story of ours has received. Thank you all so much! We'd also like to give a shout out to [NathTE](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NathTE/works) for all the love you have showed us and our story. You mean so much to us. And... solitude101, we totally saw your bookmark comment. It made one of us snort laughter very early in the morning. Thanks for that. But be careful what you ask for! Here's your chapter two! "maniacal laughter" Enjoy!

The chair creaked beneath Kakashi’s shifting weight. He leaned forward, elbows resting on his knees, fingers laced and clenched tight enough for the knuckles to turn white. Both eyes fixed on the illuminated sign above the heavy, double doors.  


_ Operation in Progress. _

It had been eight hours since his husband was wheeled away surrounded by medics.  


Kakashi wasn’t used to being on this side of those doors. It was blissfully easy being the one injured. All he had to do was keeping breathing and let the medics work. Waiting was harder. There was too much time to think, too much time to realize how close his husband had come to death.

How did Iruka do it all those years?

Iruka would’ve died if it weren’t for the freak chance Hana Inuzuka stumbled across the battlefield’s wreckage. Kakashi vaguely remembered sending her on a mission to the Land of Waves. Iruka’s team was in shambles. Daikoku had been found dead, his chest blown open by a paper bomb. Sadoru was unconscious, her only injury a poisonous cut across her collarbone. Hana tried to remove the poison, but low chakra reserves limited what she could do.  


And Iruka…

He’d been crucified to a tree with a kunai lodged to the hilt in his cranium.

Clenching his jaw, Kakashi’s hands balled into tight fists, the nails digging into his palms. Hana thought Iruka  _ was _ dead, at first. But he clung to life, gripping onto it with a force Kakashi had seen him exhibit only on a few other occasions. Taking a fuma-shuriken to the back for Naruto was one of the first to come to mind.  


While Sadoru had been stabilized in the field, it was she who died before reaching the hospital and Iruka who was still holding on. And now, Sakura and Tsunade worked against the clock to repair the damage to his prefrontal cortex.

Eight hours without a word. It’d taken Kakashi five of those hours to get Naruto to go home. He’d only managed it in the end by asking him to please look after Houki for him and Iruka.

_ Houki. _

Their beautiful, little boy.  


Kakashi scrubbed a hand through his hair. He couldn’t stand to see his son in a hospital waiting room, while they wondered if Iruka would come out of the situation alive. And…  _ mentally sound.  
_

The sign went out.

Kakashi was on his feet before Sakura made it completely through the double doors. Drawing her surgical mask down, the female alpha raised a hand to halt her former sensei. “He’s stable for now, but the damage was extensive.” A chill clawed up Kakashi’s spine when Sakura brows knit together. She looked exhausted, pale, her eyes rimmed with dark shadows. She gripped his shoulders, holding him steady with that monstrous strength she inherited from Tsunade. “Kakashi-sensei, we need to talk…”

* * *

It was a sensation of being stuck -not floating, not sinking.  _ Stuck _ . Like pressing up against a barrier or being sealed in a scroll. Trapped. He pushed, pressed, pounded, stubbornly refusing to relent to the surreal sensation.  


And then something gave.  


He clawed his way up from the darkness he’d fallen into- No, been  _ shoved _ into so long ago. Was it long ago? He couldn’t remember, it all felt very faint. All but that last memory -stark and vivid in his mind’s eye.  


No, now wasn’t the time to think about it.

The thinnest of hisses escaped his lips, his muscles tightening imperceptibly. Forcing himself to remain lax, he let a faint amount of chakra build behind his ear drums. Sounds sharpened, illuminating as silverish silhouettes behind his closed eyes - a heart monitor, an x-ray machine in use, a pre-genin getting a broken arm healed in the next room, medics scurrying up and down the hall. Each painted a vivid image.

Then his eyes opened.  


A frown creased his forehead. The hospital's ceiling never changed. It was the same bland mixture of beige and grey as always. Inhaling deeply, he fell back onto his training.  _ Run a mental checklist, deduce information from the surroundings. _

Location: Hospital. Check. His head pounded like a motherfucker, so he was hurt. Most likely a head injury. Reason for hospitalization: Check. Shinobi of his rank got injured. That was fine. It happened a lot.  


But…

Who the bloody hell was sleeping on his chest?!

Someone laid there, breathing softly in deep sleep,  _ exhausted _ sleep. A person he didn’t know, but who was snuggled against him and holding his hand in a death grip.

_ Oh, fuck no. _

Injuries he could handle. They were simple and easy to understand, affections from strangers were a definite and positive  _ no _ ! Only, he didn’t want to wake the shinobi up. That would prove difficult and more troublesome than he really wanted to deal with.

Dark eyes flickered down to the mop of silverish hair resting just to the left of his shoulder. With the man’s face turned away, his hair was the only distinguishing feature he could see. A wiry build lay mostly hidden beneath standard shinobi blacks. The worn leather of fingerless gloves pressed to his hand where the man gripped him tightly, like he was scared to let go. Slowly, he pried the stranger’s hand from his own, finger by finger.  


Easing from beneath the weighted hospital blankets, and the unknown man, he inhaled deeply to bring what little chakra he had to the tenketsu in his palms and feet. The mission must’ve left him close to chakra-exhaustion. There wasn’t much in his reserves he could call upon, but it would do. Tanned fingers pressed to the wall and stuck with practiced ease. He pushed up, slowly guiding his fatigued body perpendicular to the bed. He inched along the wall, perspiration beading across his forehead from the effort to control his waning chakra while injured.  


It took far too long to reach the intersecting wall without waking the man slouched over his hospital bed. His bare toes tipped onto the cold linoleum, his entire frame shaking as he eased off the wall. Damn, was that really all he could muster right now? He felt so ridiculously heavy it made him sick.

If an attack occurred, he’d be killed in seconds.

He sucked in a breath, softly,  _ quietly _ . No attack would come, he reassured the paranoid part of his mind. He was in the damned hospital,  _ in Konoha _ . If he could just get a grip already and figure out what in the hell happened, he’d be fine.  


With soundless steps and cat-like grace, he eased his way through a partially open door. _A_ _bathroom._ Of course, all hospital rooms had one. But it would do for a moment to catch his breath and figure shit out. Shutting the door behind him and locking it, he steadied his shaken resolve and leaned back against the wooden door. For a moment, he remained in the dark, gathering his buzzing thoughts.

_ Okay. _

He could do this. Fingers snaked out along the wall to find the light switch. The light was blazing, blinding for a split second. Then the flare of it died, his eyes adjusted and-

-that wasn’t his fucking face _ ! _

It  _ was _ , yet it wasn’t. Him and a stranger congealed into an amalgamated mess he couldn’t quite comprehend. His features were heavier than they should have been. Gone was the soft edges of a boyish face. Laugh lines crinkled the corners of his eyes. His fingers brushed against the mirror, right over the reflection of his prominent facial scar. Still there, still as defining, yet softened with an age that screamed  _ decades old.  
_

Something heavy dropped to the bottom of his gut and wrenched painfully. A wave of nausea washed over him. He slouched over the sink, hands braced against the white marble. A few dry heaves, but nothing more than bile came up.  


An empty stomach.  


_ How long was I out for? _

With shaking hands, he gingerly felt along the bandages wrapped around his head. They were spotted with old blood at his temple. He winched when his fingers pressed to the front of a would he couldn't remember receiving. Had he sustained an injury to his brain? That could explain a few things.  


A sudden chill crawled up his spine. A foolish notion flitted through his mind and spilled out of his mouth before he could stop it. “Was I in a coma?”  


No, that was improbable. His muscles would be atrophied if that were the case, and it went against that last memory lodged in his mind. The last, burning, snarling image imprinted on his soul before he was thrust down into hell, into that trap beneath the barrier he’d just fought his way through.

With shaking hands, he yanked his shirt off, real horror blooming under his ribs. The bulk muscle of a village-bound shinobi reflected back at him in the mirror. Not the lean muscle of his youth or the strength of a front-line hitter. Several old scars littered his torso, familiar, yet faded. A slice across his arm from a kodachi, the massive burn across his upper stomach from a katon jutsu, a groove in his upper hip from a kunai, shuriken points, etc...

Releasing his grip on the sink, he turned his hands over. Thick calluses from regular weaponry work coated his skin, with the anneal most noticeable around his thumb, pointer and middle finger.  _ The kind seen on desk shinobi.  _ He raked a hand through loose, russet hair. No, this wasn’t possible. A desk shinobi? Him? No damn way.

“What the  _ fuck  _ happened to me?”  


On instinct, he turned to check his back and froze. A scar he didn’t recognize painted his back blotchy white and pale bronze in the area between his shoulder blades. Shivering, he rolled his shoulders and watched the marred skin move. A part of him. A real part of his body, slashed downward too close to his spine for comfort. Thick and jagged. Whatever caused  _ that _ would have put him in the hospital for sure. But there was no memory attached to the old wound.

There were too many holes in his memories for his own comfort. Even the recollections he retained were hazy at the edge. It only increased the anxiety skitting just beneath his skin.  


“Damn it!”

The exclamation slithered out of his mouth like a repellent thing. Heated anger coiled in his gut.  _ This wasn’t fair! _ None of it was!

He spun back around and discarded the shirt he’d held, unthinkingly. The sudden, jerky movements rode his loose scrub pants down low on his hips. Shock seemed to freeze his very muscles in place. Dazed, his fingers lowered to stroke a thin, slightly raised scar on his lower abdomen. It rested just a little over an inch above his pubic hair. The crescent curved was about six inches wide, the pale, neat incision a stark contrast to every other battle scar on his body. Unmistakable.  


Especially to a male omega.

_ A c-section scar. _

“...Oh no, no, no, no.” Hia jaw went lax, the colour draining from his face. No, this couldn’t be real. It just couldn’t! His hands clasped together in a release seal. “Kai!” The word was an uncontrolled shout. Nothing happened. “Kai!” he yelled again, more desperate the second, then the third and fourth times. “Kai! KAI!” He wasn’t in a genjutsu.

This…

This was real.

_ He had a kid he couldn’t remember. _

His hand unconsciously slid up his stomach, coming to rest over the massive burn scar he’d received on an undercover mission to Suna. Something about it nagged at the back of his mind, a memory he couldn’t quite place just yet. Something,  _ someone _ , very important to him, and not the stranger who'd been living in his skin, living his life.  


Things were still fuzzy in places, the edges of his mind muddled from the years of confinement. Time, he needed more time to sharpen his thought process.  


That was something he didn’t have right now,  _ damn it! _

A frustrated snarl ripped from his throat as he brought his fist up in a fast swing at the mirror. The glass shattered with a loud, tinkling clatter. Shards dropped into the sink and onto the floor in a sparkling shower. His knuckles busted. The sudden, sharp pain was another reminder of this impossible reality.

In the wake of the shatter, a sharp knock came from the other side of the door. “Iruka! Are you okay?” The knob turned, but the lock caught and held. “Why the hell is this locked? Let me in, Ru, please!”

_ Yeah, not a chance in bloody fucking hell. _

“I know you’re probably really confused. You suffered a bad head injury during the mission. I just want to make sure you’re okay.” The knocking was louder the second time, more desperate. “Please open the door, Iruka!”  


The pained, pure affection in that frantic voice only served to make his heart throb faster, burning a desire inside him to  _ get away! _ It was too familiar, too knowing of him when he didn’t know himself anymore. Warning bells went off in his agitated mind. Not a genjutsu, but perhaps a trap? His close relationship to Hiruzen was well known throughout the village. Was this an act to drop his guard? A way to get to the Hokage?  


_ Traitor. _

“We’ll just sit down and have a talk. I can explain what happened.” The knob turned again. A quiet curse from the other side was almost muffled by the thick wood. “Just... let me in.”

Turning, he pressed his tailbone up against the sink, hand moving behind him to grasp the largest shard of glass in the basin. The edges sliced into his palm and fingers, but the pain was a secondary sensation with so much adrenaline pumping through his body. His makeshift weapon was a little longer than a kunai and just as efficient. Likely more imposing as well in its sheer brutality.  _ Perfect. _

“Come on, Iruka, please!” Whoever was out there was rattling the door, more than just disturbed by the way he wasn’t responding. Their acting was quite spectacular.  _ Well, get ready for a real show… _

One step, two, then he was throwing a shoulder into the door with a grunt, busting the lock and knocking the silver-haired shinobi backwards. The other man was good though. He danced out from behind the splintering wood before it had a chance to connect with anything vital.

“Holy shit, Iruka!” He registered the stranger’s shocked face, the brief flicker of soul-shattering pain in dark grey eyes that shifted from his face to the glass and back again. The man stopped a nurse in the doorway with an outstretched hand. “Get Sakura!”  


His instincts screamed at him.  _ You have to be fast. _ Basic training, basic tactic. Be faster than your opponent. Move before they could.  _ Take them out.  _ Especially if they were summoning help. Only he wasn’t as fast as he remembered. His body was heavier from the added bulk of a village-bound shinobi. Fatigue, injury, and something deeper slowed him down, lagged his muscles to a frustrating degree.  


The silver-haired man saw his attack, read it, and went to defend. An instant reflex, the kind he would expect of ANBU. Shit, if that wasn’t daunting. He sparred with the masked elite frequently, but a drawn-out skirmish when he was already so injured was bad. Very, very bad.  


“Talk to me, Iruka!!” The shout was wrenching, full of grief.

_ No, I’m not letting you lie to me! _

His opponent had defended, one hand soft blocking his wrist, while the man’s body had slid into his space, so the masked shinobi’s other hand could apply gentle pressure to his inner elbow and hold the glass away. Fine. Good move. But it had brought the man close.  _ Real, fucking close! _

“Come on, Ru. You’re in Konoha. You’re safe, you don’t have to fight anymore.”  


Snarling, he ignored the words, shifted his stance, slipping his leg in between his opponents’ and jamming his knee into the tender area behind the silver-haired man’s kneecap. That was the weakest spot on the leg. Knock that and down was the only way to go.

The other shinobi toppled, and he went with him purposefully. The fall put his opponent on his back with him on top, the glass still in his hand. One quick move and that improvised blade was against the silver-haired shinobi’s throat. All he had to do was cut.

He meant to, his muscles tensed to do it, only to be stopped by something inexplicable. A shrill, little voice yelling, “Papa!! Papa’s awake!”

The man beneath him froze, the visible half of his face paling considerably. “Houki! Get back!” There was a real terror in the command. A pungent aroma stung his nose- the dark spice of a protective alpha mixed with the milky confusion of a young pup.  


His head snapped up, eyes fixed on the little child standing paralyzed a few steps from the door. Realization shot up his spine, made his muscles quiver and spasm. The glass shard dropped to crack into pieces beside the silver-haired man’s face. The pup’s scent filled his senses, stirring something primal inside him.  


_ The c-section scar.  
_

A sudden, sharp pain shot through his temple. He yelped, both hands clutching the bandages wrapped tightly around his head. His vision hollowed, then blackened as the memory hit him.  


_ The weight was light in his arms, but weighed so heavily on his overflowing heart. There was a sharp cry when the newborn was laid on his bare chest. Strong lungs, all ten little fingers and toes. Skin-to-skin, a dust of soft baby hair the same shade as his own tickled his collarbone. Grey eyes blinked open, then screwed shut with another loud cry. He was perfect. Just so, so perfect. _

_ Houki. _

“...Houki?” The name was a tentative whisper on his lips. His stomach twisted into knots, tears pricked in the corners of his eyes.  


This was his son.

The knowledge of it left him stiff and unthinking. Under him, the silver-haired man growled and threw him off in one fluid, rolling motion. Before he could bring himself to his knees, much less his numb feet, his opponent… (opponent?) had scooped up the little boy - _ his fucking son!!-  _ and backed away from him toward a slender, pink-haired woman and a startled looking blond man with whisker-like marks on his cheeks.

Only, Houki was having none of it. “No Daddy! Let me go.” Struggling in the other man’s arms, the little one reached back to him calling, “Papa! What’s wrong?” The pup pushed against his holder’s chest, grey eyes fixed on him.

He moved to brush aside something tickling his face, only for his trembling fingers to come away wet. Tears.  _ He was crying?! _ “Houki…” The pup’s insistent cries prompted an instinct in him to reach out for his son. “I-I… I just...”

“Don’t cry, Papa!” Houki was quicker and more agile than he would have given a little thing like him credit for. One minute his pup was in the silver-haired man’s arms, the next he’d wiggled his way out of them and was across the hospital room.  


“Hold on, you two.” The woman held the two men back with nothing but a hand planted firmly on each shoulder when they lunged after Houki in a blind panic. “It’ll be fine… Just trust me.”  


The weight and scent of a small child in his arms anchored him in a way nothing else seemed to. He stared down at the pup, muscles taut and trembling. Hair to match his own, his nose and face shape too. His son...?   


_ ...Was he supposed to have a son? _

Little hands slipped over his shoulders and laced together behind his neck, knocking the strange thought from his mind. “Are you still hurt, Papa?”  


A strangled sound caught in his throat. “...I ...I think… I am?” His hands clenched tight and flexed open against the air.  _ His son. _

“That’s okay.” Houki’s grin was all teeth, bright, wide and every bit reminiscent of his own. “Me and Daddy can take care of you this time, okay?”  


With his heart pounding in his ears, he slowly cradled his son’s face in both hands, spreading blood on a cheek from the cuts he’d forgotten about. The urge to hold Houki close to him was too much to resist. Gently, with oh so much care, he lifted the small body to cradle it against his bare chest. One hand rubbed up and down Houki’s back, revelling in the warmth of this tiny person he’d brought into the world.

He didn’t realize he was clutching his son until Houki laid a cheek over his frantically beating heart and cuddled closer. He buried his face in his son’s hair and breathed in lungfuls of Houki’s soft scent. That was the only thing that settled some of the jitters inside him. The entire world felt like it was spinning out of control.  


Only, it wasn’t.  


The world had just kept spinning without him.

The possible and the impossible merged with the scattered pieces in his mind. The reality of his situation struck him right in the gut. Raw, unbridled terror wormed its way into his heart, as sure as the last concrete memory he possessed replayed behind his eyes. The betrayal.  


“How long has it been?” He murmured into Houki’s hair. Positioning the little body resting in his arms so the full force of his impending shout would go over the boy’s - _ his son’s-  _ head, he raised his eyes to the three strangers in the doorway and roared:

“HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN?!”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here you all are, loves! All of your love on this just makes us want to keep writing! Thank you deeply from the both of us.
> 
> We would, also, like to thank our dear [NathTE](https://archiveofourown.org/users/NathTE) for all you do, and your continued beta reading on this work of ours. Your feedback makes us squeal and laugh and we love you.

The bedroom he was supposed to share with his “_husband_,” Friend-Killer Kakashi, the _ Rokudaime Hokage, _ was quiet in the muted afternoon. Mellow hues drifted in slanting bars through the partly drawn blinds, lighting even the adjoining bathroom where he stood. At least, they had before he’d closed the door behind him. It should have been relaxing, but it wasn’t. Not in the least.

He’d come back to what was supposed to be his home. At last, he was released from the hospital and the stifling group of medics looking after him. They meant well, but it only left him feeling simultaneously more frustrated and overwhelmed. Sakura, Tsunade, and Shizune… These were medics he didn’t remember treating him previously because he was missing _fucking years _of his life.

He’d almost fallen out of bed when Tsunade Senju, the medical prodigy that abandoned their village, waltzed into his hospital room and thumped him on the back like they were old friends. “Quite the spectacular fail, Iruka-sensei. We send you out of the village once, and you almost get yourself killed.”

“H-Hime-sama?” He stammered, well aware of how he openly gaped at the strange sight before him. The title alone broke her smile. Gone were the lighthearted jabs in favour of medical expertise he’d only heard of in stories. All his shinobi training did little to help him wrap his brain around the surrealness of his situation or the tidbits of information he was slowly gleaming.

_ Iruka-sensei. _

That one stung the deepest. Not a jounin sensei, a _ chunin _ sensei at the Academy of all things. His rank, his legacy, it was all gone, erased. As if it never existed. As if _ he _ never existed.

The pink-haired medic from earlier -Sakura, her name was _ Sakura- _ had apparently been one of his former students. While she remained perfectly professional as a medic, the sad, hopeful looks she kept sending his way quickly grated on his nerves. He could see the silent expectations in her eyes -expectations for something he had no way or desire to fulfill.

Ninety percent of the time, he completely shut down on Tsunade and Sakura.

Shizune was the only hint of silver lining. She treated his wounds, spoke with a firm, yet gentle understanding. He appreciated that. As days bled into weeks, she became the only medic he willingly responded to.

With his physical injuries mostly healed, they had no reason to keep him admitted.

But the damn house was no better than his supposed husband. It wasn’t _ home_. He didn’t recognize any of it. Every minute inside the walls had him forcing down the urge to scream. 

It was why he shut himself in the bathroom alone. He’d asked for a minute to gather his thoughts, to decompress and come down from it all. Only… He was just standing, staring at himself -_ himself! _ \- in the mirror above the sink. Simply trying to correlate what he’d been told about his life with who he knew himself to be. Who he had always been, locked away, or not_. _

_ Discarded like an unwanted memory_.

He was more than what he’d been made into. Cardinal. The hunter-nin. A tokubetsu jounin class Onini-butai and a damned skilled one. _ That’s _ who he was. Not a village-bound, desk shinobi.

His fingers gripped the edges of the vanity he was using to support himself, squeezed so hard his knuckles turned white. Anger, bitterness, burned through his veins like magma. With a low growl, his hands threw everything off the surface in a fit of unreasonable rage.

It hurt, hurt, hurt! All of it was so fucking painful! All the memories slowly funnelling back from his childhood and youth, and all the ones from the last fifteen years, which were just _ gone! _

Once he’d calmed down a little in that hospital room, with his son in his arms, Sakura had taken him aside to explained the facts of his injuries. He’d been on a mission where his team was attacked. His team was dead, but _ he _ was alive. He suffered severe trauma to his prefrontal-cortex and extensive damage to the hippocampus in particular, where episodic, long-term memories were stored. That’s why, the medics theorized, so many of his memories were missing.

Sakura did her best to assure him, he was _ Iruka-sensei_, sweet, reliable _ Iruka-sensei. _ Everything would be okay.

A thirty-two-year-old career chunin who worked as vice-principal at the academy and the odd shift at the mission desk when he had time. He was married to Kakashi Hatake, the Rokudaime Hokage, the _ father _ of his child, Houki, his son.

_ His son…? _

_ Fucking shit, why did that feel so right and yet so wrong?  
_

The short visits he had with his pup were the only times he felt semi-content. Houki was sweet, thoughtful, but mischievous, with a quick, sharp mind for someone so little. Catching his son sneaking senbon into his hospital room because “_Papa needs something to protect himself with,_” pulled the first laugh from him since he woke up. If he tucked those senbon beneath the mattress no one needed to know...

Cardinal stood in the wreck of the items scattered across the bathroom tiles, like they were the shattered fragments of his life. Memories gone because of head trauma on a mission seemed reasonable. But he knew there was more to it than that. 

Silently, his hand slid beneath his hitai-ate to cover the fresh, angry scar in the center of his forehead. The tender flesh dipped slightly beneath his fingers, a reminder of just how messed up his mind currently was. “Why did you do this to me?”

He was trapped inside his own mind for over fifteen years by the person he trusted the most. Cardinal couldn’t shake the feeling that what had been done to him was never _ supposed to be undone_. He was here now because of a lucky fluke. That kunai to the head was both a curse and a blessing.

Beyond the head scar, he had marks straight through his palms as well. According to the information he was slowly given over his recuperation, he’d been crucified to a tree before the kunai was applied to his head. There was something there. Something personal in that attack, but he couldn’t quite figure out what because the memories just weren't there! He knew that wasn’t the type of attention a normal shinobi would give to an opponent from a chance run-in. In battle, an opponent was dispatched as quickly and efficiently as possible before moving on. No one in their right mind lingered to play with an opponent and pin them to a tree without a _ very personal _reason.

He had an enemy out there he didn’t remember. Now was not the time to have someone like that hidden in the shadows. Not with all these missing pieces, not as all the memories from _ before _ tricked back little by little, one by one, to fill the void his life as _ Iruka-sensei _ left behind.

It was a punch to the gut to realize just how much he’d lost during those missing years. Biwako, Asuma, Kinoto, Hiruzen, they were all dead. He didn’t even know if Kinoto’s little son, Konohamaru, was still alive.

_ So much… So many people gone. _

He was alone in this strange house with a heartless killer for a husband and his son was in the hands of the Nara Clan head and his fiance (apparently the blond from the hospital, one of Kakashi's students)? He didn't care if how much Kakashi trusted these two, leaving Houki with them instead of _ him _ was the cruellest decision Kakashi made for “his own good” yet.

All he wanted was his kid!

Cardinal dropped to his knees as his head started to throb horribly. _ His kid. _

_ His kid... _

The painful ache in his head sharpened and intensified to the point his vision blackened. Something nagged at the back of his mind, an unsettling reminder he was forgetting _ the most important thing. _ Squeezing his eyes tightly shut, he curled in on himself until his temple almost touched the floor.

What was it?

Who couldn’t he remember?!

A single word tumbled from his trembling lips, and with it came a jolt of pure fear more intense than he’d ever experienced running S-rank missions. His entire body began to shake. “...Hinoko.”

_ His daughter!  
_

The image of a little baby, soft brown hair and large grey eyes too much like her father’s, flashed behind his closed eyelids. Her little giggles filled his ears like a phantom, seeming to block out every other sound around him. He could almost see her smiling up at him, reaching out to him with those tiny hands. He’d kissed and counted each small finger on those hands so many times.

His Hinoko -one perfect, miraculous surprise after another.

She’d always been so small, from the very first moment he’d found out about the unplanned, very unexpected pregnancy. Almost miscarried, born prematurely, lungs underdeveloped, low birthweight. She should’ve died so many times and, instead, came through each obstacle. 

She'd lived and he’d held her, watched her grow into a tiny force of nature that toddled after him on stubby legs, reached for him when he came back from a mission, cuddled into his chest at night.

His fingers curled on reflex as if to pick up a child no longer there. He was seventeen and a single parent last he’d felt her heart beating steadily against his own. Only-

His chest constricted painfully, making it difficult to breathe.

_ -Only I’m not seventeen, I’m thirty-two. _ Cardinal let out a stuttering breath, using his shinobi training to keep from passing out. _ Fifteen years. I missed fifteen years of her life! Where the hell is my baby girl?!  
_

Tears streamed down his cheeks and he didn't bother wiping them away. The shaking had taken over his entire body by that point. Bile rose in his throat with each sickening lurch of his stomach. 

_ She’s not a baby anymore. _ A malicious little voice rang in the back of his head. _ If she’s even still alive that is. Everyone you loved is dead, all over again. _

What kind of fucked up world had he woken up in?!

Clasping his hands together quickly, Cardinal sent a burst of chakra through all his tenketsu simultaneously. “Kai!” Once more, the release technique failed to make a difference. This was no fucked up genjutsu, this was real. And it was worse than any genjutsu that could ever wreck his mind.

It didn’t matter though. However horrible this reality he had woken in, he would find what happened to his baby girl. Whether alive or dead, he had to know. He just had to. For himself, for Hinoko and for Houki. His little boy had a big sister he deserved to know about someday. When the time was right.

Brushing his tears away, he forced his feet beneath him, willing himself to take those steps. The first few were always the hardest. With his mouth set in a determined line, Cardinal braced his hands on the counter and looked _ Iruka-sensei _ in the face. “You don’t get to live a lie anymore, Sensei.” The reflection staring back at him seemed to mock him and all he’d lost. So much time taken from him. It stopped now. “I’m Iruka Umino, tokubetsu jounin of Konoha, not a fucking pre-genin chunin sensei. I’m the onini-butai codenamed Cardinal.” His hands fisted against the countertop. “...I’m Hinoko and Houki’s father and I’m taking _ my life _ back!”

The knock on the door was so soft, he almost didn’t hear it. “What is it, Hatake?”

He could almost picture the other man wince in the pause that followed. “Can we talk? There hasn’t really been a chance to since you woke up. I feel like it’s long overdue.”

His teeth locked together, anger beginning to boil in his gut. He asked for a few minutes alone, for a damn reason. He _ did not _ want to talk to the man who was keeping Houki from him. Truthfully, the whirl of the hospital and medic-nin had at least one upside. He hadn’t had to be alone with Kakashi Hatake, the Hokage.

The bloody _ Rokudaime _ Hokage.

“Please, Ru. Talk to me.” It was almost a plea and didn’t that sound pathetic coming from such a supposedly legendary shinobi.

Letting out a breath, Cardinal jerked the door open so fast it made the other man step back, blinking gray eyes at him. “Fine, let’s talk,” he growled.

Kakashi rubbed the back of his head awkwardly, eyes shifting from him to the floor. “Mah, I think it would be more comfortable under the kotatsu.”

Forcibly pushing down the rage rising inside him, he turned heel and headed for the living room. After a moment, the sound of Kakashi’s footsteps followed behind him. Cardinal settled beneath the kotatsu, the shuriken-printed quilt covering his legs as he made himself comfortable. A brown dog plushie rested nearby. Cardinal drew it into his arms, nose pressing to its fur. Houki’s scent lingered on the toy, faint but still there. It calmed the jittery inferno boiling in his stomach. “When do I get my son back, Hokage-sama?”

Kakashi settled across from him. His face was set in uncomfortable and tentative lines. The formal jab hurt, he could see it in the other man’s eyes. “Ru-”

“Don’t call me that, I don’t know you that well.”

“...Right.” Kakashi’s hands clenched so tightly atop the kotatsu, his knuckles turned white. “Iruka,” he began again, more hesitantly this time. “That… is the reason we need to talk. We need to figure out this thing together.” He drew in a deep, shuddering breath. “I want to support you however you need me to, but you’re shutting me out.”

Almost as though he weren’t thinking about it, as though the hand moved on its own, Kakashi’s hand crept across the kotatsu to settle over his own. “Talk to me, please.”

Cardinal looked at that hand resting over his. It offered comfort, but the sensation made his skin feel itchy and tight. His very nerves seemed to buzz beneath his skin. No, it was too soon for that. Rattled, he pulled away slowly. He didn’t have time to worry about his _ husband _ getting hurt feelings. His daughter could be anywhere, and his son was being kept from him. Sitting here playing nice wouldn’t get him anywhere-

-Or would it?

This was the current Hokage. There wasn’t a single person in all of Konoha with more authority or higher clearance than the person he was married to. Any bit of information he needed, sealed documents, classified scrolls, mission reports, adoption records, death certificates, all of it this man had at his fingertips. Even Hiruzen’s personal library was completely at Kakashi Hatake’s disposal.

He could use this to his advantage _ if _he played his cards right. Pushing this man away would get him nothing but scorn and suspicion. Even if his memories were missing, he couldn’t have the damn Hokage thinking he’d completely lost his mind. No, more subtle tactics were needed here. And…

“Shit…” Cardinal scrubbed at his face with a hand. Half to clear his head, half so he wouldn’t have to look at Kakashi. He needed a moment to think, to decide what he could offer this man sitting across from him expectantly and oh, so hopefully. What was he even ready to offer? Everything was a bloody mess, and he just wanted-

“Take me to Hiruzen’s grave.” The demand was so sudden, it caught them both off guard.

“What?”

Kakashi looked startled and unsettled all at once, but, with the words out, they felt right. “Take me to Hiruzen’s grave, Hatake. To you, he’s been gone for years, but it just feels like a few days ago he was alive to me. I need to see where he’s buried. I need… To talk to him, closure. Whatever you want to call it, I don’t care, just take me there.”

“Okay, Ru. Iruka,” he corrected, wincing. Then he was standing and offering a hand once more.

Cardinal bit the inside of his cheek, every impulse in him wanting nothing more than to slap the offending limb away. But, he was a shinobi. He knew when to strategically use an opportunity. This was something small he could give. With his eyes downcast, he let the Rokudaime Hokage pull him to his feet.

He stiffened, muscles taut when Kakashi drew him close for a split second. Then his hand formed a tiger seal, and Cardinal understood. A shunshin, of course. Closing his eyes against the familiar pull at his chakra, he allowed himself to be whisked away in a whirl of leaves.

The graveyard was still situated behind the Memorial Stone, looking much like how he remembered, just larger, more populated with those stone slabs that represented lives lost. Dusk had fallen, bathing the marble headstones in hues of orange, blue and violet. He stepped to the side, putting a bit of room between him and Kakashi as soon as he was able. Without a word, he motioned with a wave of his hand for the alpha to take the lead.

Kakashi stuffed his hands in his pockets, shoulders slouching in a loose stance as he led the way down a worn path. A lot of feet had trodden that dirt, Cardinal couldn’t help but think. Probably his too, though he didn’t remember it. How many times had he walked through these ranks and rows of stones, under the shade of trees, to the exact spot his _ husband _ was leading him too?

Likely many times.

And that fucking pissed him off so much. It burned at the raw emotions churning inside him, making it harder to keep a cap on his expressions. Time, it was all about biding his time, finding answers, figuring out what cards he had and when he could play them.

If only it was that easy. Controlling his emotions had never been his strong suit.

By the time the Hokage stopped under a massive oak, its roots gnarled and curling viciously into the ground, a hot knot of rage was coiled tight in his chest, under the center of his breastbone. The marble stone was more grandiose than the others, the colour slightly lighter and polished with regular care. Wreaths and flowers littered the grass around Hiruzen's grave -lilies, carnations, anemones, roses. Had _ Iruka-sensei _ ever added to the colourful mass? _ He _ certainly didn't plan to.

The alpha raised grey eyes to him, to gauge his reaction, but there was no way Kakashi could have anticipated what that reaction was going to be.

“You bastard!” The words flew from his mouth before he could even think about them. "Are you satisfied now?" The grey eyes watching him widened and it almost looked as though Kakashi took an involuntary step back. Cardinal hadn't quite garnered the pure vehemence in that single, furious curse. That searing knot of betrayal in his chest rose to choke him. He snarled, fist lashing out to connect with the oak above the serene marble marker with Hiruzen’s name inscribed on it.

“You- You- You-!!” Thick, messy tears gathered at the corners of his eyes and rolled down his cheeks. He gritted his teeth and swallowed hard around the lump in his throat to keep from sobbing. Blood bloomed on his throbbing knuckles, bits of crimson coating the oak’s bark. Weeping and pressing his free hand to his face, Cardinal’s body sagged, held up only by that bleeding hand on the oak. “How could you just up and die on me? How could you leave me here like, like _this_?! There’s so much fucking crap you pulled, you fucking jackass! You took everything from me and then left me _all alone_.”

The last few words came out a garbled mess. All he seemed able to do was shake and weep bitter tears through his fingers. His whole body shook and felt numb, like a limb that has lost feeling. But it wasn’t just a hand or foot, it was his entire _ being _ . This was Hiruzen, the closest person he had to a father. “Why? Just tell me why…” The plea hurt worst of all because there wasn’t going to be any answers. He would never get the answer he needed the most. _ Where did you send Hinoko? _

“...Iruka?” The word was hesitant and soft, just like the hand that came to rest on his shoulder. The touch was as pleading as his _ why _ . It made his skin crawl because there was a small part of him buried deep inside that _ wanted _ the comfort his alpha so readily gave. Was this what it meant to have a mate?

Cardinal couldn’t handle it. Not now, not after all this.

Roughly, he brushed the alpha’s hand away. Only to feel bereft and utterly alone. He was standing over the grave of the one man he most wanted, _ needed, _ to see. There was no one else who knew _ him _ .

_ No one. _

He was completely alone except for the man who claimed to love him.

Sobbing, broken in so many ways he hadn’t begun to understand yet, Cardinal reached out and snatched Kakashi’s wrist before the other man could think of backing off. The alpha tensed a moment, remembering, perhaps, that this was some of the first lasting contact they’d had since Cardinal fought against him in the hospital. A shudder seemed to pass through Kakashi before he finally relaxed.

“However you need this to be, Iruka,” Kakashi murmured, letting him have the contact on his own terms. “I’m here for you. Just tell me what you need, that’s all you have to do.”

A bitter laugh erupted through Cardinal’s blinding tears. _ What he needed? _ He needed Hiruzen alive! He needed his daughter, his baby girl! He needed his son. Fuck, he needed his memories back!

No, he needed the last fifteen years of his life back.

Everything that mattered to him had been taken away in, what felt like, the space of a few minutes. Someone was going to pay, damn it! If not Hiruzen, then _ someone. _ His teeth grit, his tears running dry. The hand holding Hatake’s wrist slipped down until Cardinal’s fingers wove through his husband’s and held tightly.

Kakashi’s fingers flexed before slowly curling around his own. “It’s okay, Iruka, take as long as you need.”

It was all so fucked up. All of it. But there were two things he needed to do. He would get his daughter back. No matter what, he would find Hinoko. And he was going to make the one responsible for it all pay. Hiruzen might be dead and his mind might be a nightmarish wreck, but Cardinal _ did _ remember whose fault it all was.

_ Aoi Rokusho. _

A flash of a pretty face, green hair, and violet eyes filled his mind.

That son of a bitch was a dead man walking.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Greetings all! Leo here with your typical chapter notes! Mostly just wanted to say, sorry for the long ass wait between updates. That was totally my fault, and had nothing to do with EternalSurvivor. Every time my dear writing partner poked me and was like, Leo! Time Lapse! Let's write! I fumbled around squealing about my long monstrosity of a dark fic, I'm STILL freaking working on. So... All delay is my fault, but we both hope you enjoy this chapter! And hey, we got ya a little smut at the end. Hopefully, that helps make up for the wait!

_ The scroll shook in his hand, making the paper waver before his blurring eyes, the neatly inked characters turning to irregular swirls, as his rage blinded him. Only a few words in the mess still seemed to make sense. _ Removed from active duty. Order of the Hokage. Until further notice. _ The rest was lost to white-hot anger. _

_ “What the hell is this?” Cardinal snapped, making the man who had just handed him the scroll jump. His face was tight and honestly worried by the tone in Cardinal’s voice. _

_ “A scroll from the Hokage’s office,” the messenger breathed, stepping back. _

_ Cardinal crumpled the paper into a ball before the messenger’s eyes. “Obviously. Why are you giving it to me?!” As if railing against it would change what had been written. _

_ “That was my directive.”  
_

_ This was not going to stand. “We’ll see about that.” Folding his fingers into a tiger seal, Cardinal shunshined straight into the Hokage’s office, leaving the messenger to stare in numb surprise at an empty spot where he’d just stood. _

_ Hiruzen’s office was golden in the afternoon light. The burnished wood of the walls glowed bronze, and the smooth, hardwood floor appeared soft under his feet. Cardinal wondered just how many times he’d stood in this room, smiling at the old man or chatting happily with him. He felt nothing but contempt -betrayal- at the moment. _

_ The Hokage sat behind his desk, a swath of paperwork spread across the oak surface. Smoke drifted in slow wisps from Hiruzen’s pipe. With a calm brought about only by his countless years leading the village. He glanced up at Cardinal, his white hair flowed down to blend with his robes, making him look as soft as the room in the fading afternoon light. Behind the grandfatherly facade was a man hardened by war and loss. _

_ “Iruka,” the elderly man breathed. _

_ “What’s the meaning of this?!” He slammed the balled-up directive down on the desktop, scattering neatly stacked paper piles in the process. _

_ Hiruzen sighed, twin lines of smoke escaping his nostrils with the exhale. The man closed his eyes a moment, then opened them to lock on Cardinal with hard intent. “It is an order from your Hokage. You are to be removed from active duty as an onini butai until I see fit to reinstate you.” _

_ Cardinal growled, a low sound of anger and outrage. “I can see that. Why did you do this?!” _

_ “You know why, Ruka.” _

_ The softness of the statement made the simmering fury in Cardinal boil over. “Aoi. This is because of Aoi. You think I’m emotionally compromised.” _

_ “Aren’t you, my boy?” Sorrow flickered through Hiruzen’s eyes, but as quickly as it came, the raw emotion was gone.  
_

_ “You think that’ll stop me from doing my job?”  
_

_ “I do.”  
_

_ The simple admission struck Cardinal right in the heart. He inhaled sharply, ignoring the ache that settled in his chest. “Let me go do this, Hiruzen! That bastard tried to use me to get to you. When that didn’t work, he stole Tobirama-sama’s raijiin no ken and defected to _ _ Amegakure no Sato _ _ ! It’s my job to bring missing-nin in! That’s why you had me trained to be an onini butai, isn’t it?”  
_

_ “Shinobi, stand down.” Hiruzen was on his feet, alpha scent and killing intent filling the room so suddenly, it almost brought him to his knees with its sheer weight and force.  
_

_ Cardinal gritted his teeth, his rage the only thing keeping him on his feet. “Aoi killed my team, Hiruzen! I’m bringing him in, regardless if you approve or not!”  
_

_ Cardinal didn’t see the one-handed ram seal hidden so expertly beneath the Hokage’s billowing robes until he was on his knees, numb and immobile. His head was spinning, a heavy fog had settled over his limbs and mind. A paralysis jutsu? Cold dread clawed at his insides. Hiruzen used a paralysis jutsu on him! He struggled against the invisible bindings but found he was unable to even lift his hands or head. Why? _

_ “...S-Sandaime-sama. What- Why are you d-doing this?” He swallowed hard to keep his throat from constricting. Each word was a struggle to speak. _

_ “Because I cannot let you do something so foolish, my Ruka. If you go after Aoi, you will only get yourself killed.” The Sandaime Hokage rounded his desk, robes brushing along the wooden floor with each heavy step. “I will not- I cannot allow that.” _

_ The dread inside him coalesced into a potent fear. He hadn’t heard Hiruzen sound that desperate since Biwako was diagnosed with cancer. “I-I’m sorry,” he found himself saying. “I’ll obey the order, just wh-whatever you're planning, don’t…” The words came out in a garbled rush. "Please, don't."  
_

_ “And if I do release you, will you give up this foolhardy notion of revenge? I don’t think so.” Hiruzen bit into his thumb as knelt before him -as if preparing to activate a summon.  
_

_ Cardinal felt his heart turn over. _

_ “Please, Hiruzen.” The words were panicked. There was no need for a summon. Then what? What was he planning- Cardinal’s eyes widened, face paling in realization. A seal. “...What are you g-going to do?” _

_ The old man sighed and raised a bloodied finger to Cardinal’s forehead. “If keeping you safe means taking Aoi from your mind, I will not shrink from doing what is needed.” _

_ “Taking-” Alarm bells rang in his head. No! This was too risky, even for someone of Hiruzen’s notoriety. The mind was a fickle, delicate thing. Yamanaka trained for years to master mind techniques. “If you try to… to try seal a-any of those memories away, th-there’s no telling what could… could be lost with them.” Hinoko, his baby! No, no, please no. “D-Don’t do this, please...” Tears were suddenly running down his face and he couldn’t have stopped them if he tired. _

_ The Hokage was not moved by the sight of either his panic or his grief. Slowly, the older man began moving his finger over his forehead, forming a strangely beautiful and horrible seal. A swirling motion started from the center most part of his temple, just between his kaimon and kyuumon. It spiralled out to a point accentuated with a sharp jerk of Hiruzen’s thumb. Spots were littered along the curve, the brush of calloused fingers a light, almost loving whisp at the edges. _

_ “Don’t, Hiruzen! Please don’t… don’t lock me in a p-prison like this. Don’t… Don’t change wh-who I am!” Raw, shattering panic welled up inside him, squeezing his chest so tightly he could barely breathe. He gasped shallowly, deeply ingrained training the only thing that kept him from hyperventilating. “I thought… I th-thought you loved me!” _

_ “ _ _ Please forgive this sentimental old fool, Iruka,” the old man breathed. “I do this because I love you. It's for your own good. Kinoto, Biwako, even Asuma's left, I cannot lose anyone else. I am sorry.” _ _   
_

_ “Y-You’re not sorry! Hiruzen!” he choked on a sob, the tears beginning to drip off his chin to splatter against his immobile hands. No matter how he struggled, he couldn’t move. “My daughter, what… what about Hinoko? S-she needs me, she’s just a baby!!”  
_

_ “I’ll assure she’s well taken care of.” These last words were accompanied by a stream of signs- _ _ tiger, horse, monkey, ox, ram, ox, snake, tiger, hare- a _ _ nd Cardinal felt something in him completely snap. _

_ “No! No, she’s mine! Y-You can’t-” But then, his words drifted away and he was only screaming in his own mind. He sank down into nothing, became nothing but an angry and hopeless voice shouting where no one could hear. Where he would be locked away for years. _

_ Hinoko! His baby girl-! _

“Hinoko!!” Cardinal woke screaming with his daughter’s name on his tongue. Sweat clung his pyjamas and blankets to his skin. His heart pounded in his ears, a desperate thump of adrenaline and apprehension. Covering his face with shaking hands, he let out a stream of heated, breathless curse words.

Another nightmare. They’d been all too frequent since waking up in the hospital. Almost nightly, if he was honest with himself, but this was one of the worst.

_ Come on, you have to get ahold of yourself! _

Maybe a glass of water would help? A change of scenery, a moment of distraction to clear his head._ Anything. _ Whatever it took to get the image of those last rending moments before being shoved down into the hell of his own head.

Swinging his legs over the bedside, he stood. Only to crumble beneath his own weight. His quick reflexes stopped his face from smashing against the floor. Yet, he still found himself slumped at the side of the bed, weight balanced precariously on his forearms. His heart pounded in his ears and his breathing was laboured, as if he’d just ran from Konoha to Suna and back again.

Covering his face with a hand, Cardinal let out another stream of breathy curses. He was trained to handle trauma. He was supposed to be better than this!!

“Fuck!” It hardly mattered he tried to shout it. The word barely had any force. It was like an exhale. The exhaustion seemed to permeate right into his very soul. Constantly being on guard was draining him. But the idea of _ not _ being on alert was unthinkable. There was nothing familiar around him and his little girl was somewhere out there, without him.

No, she wasn’t a child any longer. Even if she had survived to adulthood, and he did manage to find her, he couldn’t just scoop her up in his arms like he longed to. It wasn’t plausible. He’d missed her entire childhood, had the pleasure of watching her grow taken so cruelly away.

_ He was a stranger to his own daughter.  
_

And now there was another little one, a son, he couldn’t remember, but loved just as fiercely. Despite his training as an onini butai, he was an omega. His parental instincts were deeply ingrained, the urge to protect, to nurture. _ Shit! _ He wanted, no he _ needed, _ his children back in his arms, to see for himself they were both healthy and happy, but he couldn’t get to either one! The son being kept from him or the daughter he had to find.

A soft knock on his bedroom door jarred Cardinal from his spiralling thoughts.

“Iruka?” The voice was husky with sleep. “Is everything alright in there?”

It couldn’t have been the first time this man had heard him crying out after a nightmare, or uttering curses in the dark. It was, however, the first time the other man had come to his door. Cardinal wished the alpha would have just kept up his previous policy of discretion. He swallowed the growl threatening to rise in his throat. “Go away, Hatake,” he snapped. His husband was the last person he wanted to deal with right now.

But, it seemed the man had no notion of leaving. A soft sigh and the creak of floorboards showed the alpha’s resolve. Was he-? No, he couldn’t actually be-

-The annoying man was just going to _ sit there_! Outside the damn bedroom? _ Sage, save me now before I kill him. _

Gritting his teeth, Cardinal inhaled deep and steady several times. _ Stubborn, pain in the ass, persistent alpha! _“Are you going to sit there all night?”

“Mah, I’ve slept in less comfortable places,” came the drowsy reply. It was still horribly early, the sun not having begun to rise yet.

Groaning, Cardinal forced himself into a sitting position. Of all the ridiculous notions. “You might as well get your ass in here, then.”

A light scuffle and a creak of the door brought him face-to-face with his husband as the other man knelt by him. _ Completely _ face-to-face with him. For the first time since their tussle in the hospital, Kakashi Hatake wasn’t wearing a mask. Cardinal’s face reddened, despite himself. It should be a damn _ sin _ to be that handsome.

_ No wonder Iruka-sensei married him. _The thought flew into his head so fast, he flushed right up to his ear tips. A fact only serving to annoy him further.

“Are you okay, Iruka?”

Cardinal narrowed his eyes, ignoring the way his muscles continued to quiver. No, he wasn’t okay. Nothing had been okay since he first regained consciousness! He couldn’t tell that to Kakashi, couldn’t tell it to anyone without them thinking him crazy. He’d never find Hinoko, never get the answers he needed, if he was readmitted to the hospital for mental health evaluation. After all, who would want to believe the village’s beloved Iruka-sensei was actually an onini butai, whose memories had been sealed by his own foster father? No one. No one would want to believe that. “Oh, I’m perfect,” he settled on sarcasm to mask his frustrations. “Peachy keen, never been better, Hatake.”

Kakashi hummed in response, his grey eyes shifting from Iruka’s sweaty form, to the tangled bedsheets, and back to him. “What’s five things you can see?”

He bristled at the question. Oh no, Kakashi was _ not _ trying to use a damn calming technique on him. He _ wasn’t _ a green genin, he could handle his own shit. He opened his mouth to argue, only to snap it shut again. The Rokudaime Hokage knelt before him, with calm patience that didn’t quite reach his eyes. The sorrow he saw there tempered his jumbled, raw emotions. With a sigh, Cardinal reluctantly complied. “...The lamp, dresser, rug, Houki’s picture, and the mirror.”

Kakashi nodded in encouragement. “Four things you can touch?”

Swallowing hard, Cardinal studied his husband for a moment. Without a word, his hand shifted to touch the floor, then from there to the leg of the nightstand. His fingers curled around the shuriken quilt the alpha folded at the foot of their bed, then finally across Kakashi’s pyjama sleeve.

Those grey eyes flickered briefly to Cardinal’s hand when it lingered lightly against his cotton nightshirt. “Three things you can hear.”

His eyes slid closed, carefully trained instincts forcing his breathing to even out so he could concentrate on the natural noises around him. “There’s a tree rustling against the window, a bird - perhaps a hawk or raven...” Russet eyes snapped open, focusing on his husband’s bare face just inches away. “...Your breathing.”

“Two things you can smell.”

He inhaled sharply, muscles slowly relaxing, despite his heart still pounding in his ears. “Sweat.” That was a given. His clothes were still damp from perspiring during the nightmare. He breathed deeply, taking a moment to concentrate on the task at hand. His shoulders slouched, a soft warmth having begun to ease the tension from his body. His brows knit together. “.... and alpha?”

He shook his head abruptly, but the warm, safe feeling remained. Warning bells rang in the back of his head. _ Kakashi’s using his alpha scent to disarm you. _ He could feel a fuzziness already dulling his senses, leaving him feeling light-headed. The most alarming aspect was just how comforting that spicy aroma truly was.

His husband. _ His mate.  
_

Fuck!

He hadn’t even realized Kakashi was holding him lightly by the arms, just above his elbows. A loose, supportive hold he could easily break if he wanted to.

Kakashi’s voice was a soft, husky whisper, “one thing you can taste.”

The words drew his attention to his husband’s mouth, the curve of his lips and that strangely appealing beauty mark. His fingers trailed lightly up Kakashi’s arms, savouring the feel of his cotton shirt. “...You?” His voice sounded hesitant, uncertain, to his own ears. He wasn’t sure when exactly he’d leaned into Kakashi, but he was suddenly _ there_, a solid, reassuring presence pressed close against him.

Brown locks slid across the nape of his neck as he tilted his head, nose pressing firmly to his husband’s neck. _ Alpha, my alpha. _A soft rumble rolled through his chest, confused and unthinking, Cardinal found himself pressing closer into his husband’s neck. Instincts buried deep under normally tight controls, loosened by the scent of the other man, brought his nose right over his husband’s mate mark. He pressed his face flush to the other man’s skin, breathing deep to draw in more of the heady scent permeating his senses.

Under him, Kakashi groaned, body jerking slightly. The pheromones coming off him had been somewhat light until that moment, meant to comfort. It was as if that unexpected touch snapped something inside the alpha. His scent spiked suddenly, drowning Cardinal in what could only be called _ alpha_.

He wasn’t sure who moved first, him or Kakashi, but all at once their mouths smashed haphazardly together, their noses bumping as they struggled in the clumsy kiss. A swipe of tongue had his lips parting with unaccustomed need. Kakashi’s taste was addicting. The clash was only momentary, though. Whining, heart aching, Cardinal felt himself crumple against the other man, submitting to his mate.

_ Wanting. _

Only to have Kakashi pull back, his grey eyes wide and dilated, breathing laboured. He swallowed hard. “Not like this, Ru.”

His husband was across the room and out the door before Cardinal even realized what had happened. He blinked, confusion clawing at his insides, leaving him jittery and more pissed off than before the damned alpha came to check on him. He cursed his own lack of control and hauled himself back into bed.

If he didn’t turn this to his advantage, it was going to bite him square in the ass. 

* * *

He found his husband leaned over the kotatsu the next morning with a cup of untouched tea cooling in his hands. Those grey eyes stared straight at the opposite wall, completely unfocused. Whatever weighed on Kakashi’s mind had him utterly lost in thought.

Cardinal cleared his throat as he settled across the kotatsu, bringing them face-to-face. “Good morning.”

Blinking, the alpha’s attention diverted to him quickly, then down to the cup cradled between his hands. “Oh, sorry. I’ll let you have some privacy.”

His hand shot out, catching Kakashi by the elbow when he moved to stand. With a light jerk, Cardinal pulled him back down. “Will you just shut up and listen? You wanted to talk, so here I am. _ Talking, _” he huffed.

Kakashi’s brows dipped, but he slowly settled back at the kotatsu. “...Okay, what do you feel comfortable discussing?” His hands returned to the mug, swirling the tea inside as if it could give him a clue to what was coming.

Clenching his hands together beneath the table, Cardinal drew in a deep breath to compose himself. “About last night,” The memory of that heated kiss made his cheeks flush. He’d spent too much time trying to analyze it after Kakashi’s withdrawal. “Why the fuck did you leave me like that?”

“Mah,” Kakashi chugged back his drink in one go and slammed the empty cup down onto the kotatsu. Liquid courage didn’t come in tea form last he checked. “I shouldn’t have used my scent like that, you were vulnerable. I didn’t want to take advantage of you.”

“What if I wanted you to?”

The Rokudaime Hokage’s back went ramrod straight, eyes widening a fraction. It was the most obvious emotional reaction he’d gotten from Kakashi thus far. _ Perfect. _ “What?”

His cheeks tingled, but he pressed on. “You love me right?”

Kakashi just stared at him, but he answered without hesitation. “With all my heart, but that doesn’t mean-”

“You want to work on _ whatever _ this is.” He motioned between them. “Right?”

“Of course.”

“So, here I am. You’ve been nothing but patient and understanding these last six weeks.” Cardinal shifted onto his knees, hands clenched briefly in his lap. He’d already come to a decision before seeking Kakashi out. The last six weeks were a struggle -with the decisions that had been made for him, the years he missed, the people he lost. He floundered to adjust, to make sense of it all.

To make sense of _ himself. _

He was just spinning his wheels, taking his anger out on this man who was nothing but loving and supportive of him. Enough was enough. He needed to start taking steps forward, to get back in control of his own life.

“I’m willing to try if you are.” He sucked in a shuddering breath, looking at the man across from him. He didn’t know the man very well yet, but he wouldn't deny the attraction he felt toward his husband. Especially not after last night. What he wanted had nothing to do with the fact Iruka-sensei had married this man, and everything to do with it being_ his own decision! _ Just his. Cardinal. “I want my mate.”

Before Kakashi could react to this sudden, shocking exclamation, Cardinal was under the kotatsu with his fingers curling into the alpha’s waistband. As soon as his fingers hit skin and began tugging cloth out of the way, Kakashi hissed in a breath, his hands landing on Cardinal’s shoulders to halt his progress.

“What are you doing?! You don’t have to do that, Ru!”

_ Infuriating alpha!! _Growling in annoyance, Cardinal flicked one of the other man’s hands away. He kept up his assault on Kakashi’s pants, tugging the drawstring undone. “I told you not to call me that, Hatake.”

Kakashi’s breathing went ragged, a shiver making his hips quiver. Cardinal slowed, his fingers sliding the fabric of the sleeping pants over thin hips with care. “I want to do this, alright? I told you, I want my mate, and-” He tilted his head to look up at the man above him. He could see his hesitancy, even through the rising passion. Kakashi was already half hard. “Can you just let me do this?”

His husband stared down, pupils blown out to black holes rimmed by slender grey rings. He slowly raised the hand Cardinal had swatted away and laid it on the omega’s back. A light touch, one where his fingers trembled, wary yet hopeful. “Okay. If you’re sure.”

Knowing Kakashi wouldn’t try to discourage him again, he settled both hands on all that pale, bare skin. Inhaling shallowly, he glided his hands over the alpha’s hips and down his thighs, pushing them apart a bit -just enough to show him what he wanted. His husband’s cock. Lowering his head, Cardinal swallowed down all of Kakashi so fast, the man gasped on a strangled moan.

_ Bet your Iruka-sensei never did that, _ he thought with a smirk.

Grinning around what was in his mouth, Cardinal closed his eyes with a sigh and got to work. Slow bobs of his head mixed with gentle suction. Little hums, sent vibrations through the alpha’s hard cock, making Kakashi’s already erratic breathing come undone.

All of that just to start. A slow build that led to Cardinal locking his hands at the small of his husband’s back and half tilting him off balance, as he drew him forward and deep throated him. Kakashi caught himself by bracing both palms on the floor behind him, even as he began grunting and cursing quietly. His scent spiked, a heady spice laced with electricity. The alpha was shaking and Cardinal wasn’t even having a hard time. Aroused, yes. But he could handle that, as long as he got what he wanted.

Luckily, what he wanted was easily within reach. He went from taking Kakashi deep to pulling back, almost to the point of taking the man out of his mouth. Then he used his tongue and teased at the tip of his husband’s cock. Licking precum from the slit, he rolled his tongue across the sensitive glands, took the time to lather the velvety flesh from base to tip. Kissing. Licking. Making his alpha moan, _ his. _Right up until the moment the man sucked in a breath, his body tensing. Then, Cardinal swallowed him again and drank down his orgasm.

Every drop.

Kakashi sagged to the floor at the end, muttering with half-lidded eyes. Cardinal pulled himself out from under the kotatsu to lean over the other man. A smug smile curved his reddened lips. “Enjoy yourself, Hatake?”

“_You _ … shit. When did you get so good at that?” The question was breathless and Cardinal almost wanted to laugh at the stark shock on the Hokage’s face.

“Amazing what a person can do with the right motivation, neh _ Rokudaime-sama _ ?” He could have informed his husband about the _ extensive _ training he received as a teen, could have told the man he’d completed his fair share of honeypot missions, but instead, he just leaned down to kiss Kakashi roughly, possessively.

_ My alpha, not Iruka-sensei’s, you’ll never be his again. _

Another groan rumbled in Kakashi’s chest. Cardinal knew the alpha would be able to taste himself on his lips. Sex, it seemed, could be more than a way to take back some control. It could, possibly, be a good way of getting what he wanted-

-His beautiful babies safe in his arms again and Aoi Rokusho dead.

No matter what it took, he was going to make sure he got both of those things.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All aboard the feelings express! There is a rather large elephant in the room that needs to be addressed. Wait, what do you mean that's a fox? Ah well, we're addressing it either way. >8D

The boards creaked beneath his weight as he shifted once again. Legs crossed, hands braced on his thighs, dark eyes fixed on the path leading to their front porch. Cardinal ignored his husband’s eyes on his back as the Rokudaime passed by the screen door. His leg bounced, nerves sizzling just beneath his skin. 

Houki was coming for lunch today.

His son was _ finally _ coming home two months after he woke up in the hospital to his whole world having changed. So what if he was a little short with Kakashi this morning? He was a grown-ass kage, he could handle a few barbs. 

Apparently better than Cardinal could handle his anxiety. 

Why was he so nervous? Aside from the nightmare he’d had before waking up, there was no need for it. This was his son, a little four-year-old boy. Not a missing-nin with a vengeance kink (he’s taken out a surprising number of those in his career). He’s seen the kid at least four times a week since being released from the hospital. Holding him felt every bit as natural as it had with Hinoko. 

Fuck, he wanted them _ both _ home, with him. Here and now.

Maybe that was what gave him the tingling sensation along all his nerves. That sheer desire to have his children back and the fear if he somehow screwed this up, he wouldn’t be allowed to have his son in his arms for long. _ Make a good, lasting impression on Kakashi _was a long-term game it seemed. And the nightmares weren’t helping with the nerves. He’d had trouble sleeping before, but nothing like what he’d experienced since waking up in the hospital.

These thoughts were waylaid by the sight of Houki coming up the walk, hand in hand, with a whisker-cheeked blond. With his heart pounding in his ears, Cardinal was on his feet in an instant. He _ knew _ that man, though he was nothing but a small boy in his memories. 

The Kyuubi’s container had his son.

_ The fucking demon container had his son! _

Houki released the monster’s hand with a happy cry of, “Papa!” His son came running down the path, arms open. That was the only thing that kept Cardinal from erupting. It took all his self-control to keep his killing intent from exploding around him like a well-placed paper bomb. _ Not around Houki! _ He never wanted to frighten his pup.

“Papa, I missed you!” The declaration was accented by his son throwing himself into Cardinal’s chest, and wrapping his small arms and legs around his torso, clinging as if he never intended to let go. 

“I miss you too, my pup.” Hugging his son close, Cardinal nuzzled his face into the boy’s brown hair and breathed deeply. His son’s scent settled some of the anxiety jittering inside him. It was the warm, milky aroma of all pups with a clear aquatic undertone. The boy inherited _ his _ water affinity and didn’t that make his pride croon? “...I missed you so much.”

Cardinal rubbed a hand in soothing circles along Houki’s back, cradled the boy’s against his shoulder when he stiffened. He couldn’t see his son’s face, but he could tell the boy was trying to hold back tears. That was a habit clearly inherited from Kakashi._ A foolish habit if I’ve ever seen one_, Cardinal thought as he struggled to hold back his own tears. Emotions weren’t a weakness if trained to be used appropriately.

“I didn’t know you’d be waiting.” There was hesitation in the soft comment and a hint of longing Cardinal didn’t dare acknowledge. The demon container had inched closer, tanned hands fisted into the gaudy orange trousers he wore. “Kakashi-sensei said to bring Houki over after breakfast…” 

The close proximity made Cardinal stiffen. Deeply ingrained paternal instincts had him turn just enough to block his son from the jinchuuriki’s view. His hold tightened enough for Houki to tense in his arms, a natural way for a pup to respond when a parent went on alert. “...Please send Nara-san to pick him up around three.” He could feel the kyuubi's chakra just beneath the blond’s skin. It was almost completely intertwined with the vessel’s chakra network. 

He knew that overpower chakra far too well. The memory stayed with him even years later. That chakra had washed over his village, destroyed his family, and stomped everything he’d known to dust. It left him alone in a world that had no time for a lonely orphan, made him act out in the only way he’d known how to. Pranks, the class clown. Anything to be acknowledged.

Only, it got him acknowledged by the wrong person. 

Being scouted by the onini-butai had been both a blessing and a curse. As a ward of Konoha, he knew how lucky he was to have a clear path set before him. He believed it was his chance to be a hero, like his parents before him. 

What a foolish, naive child he’d been. No kid should have to make the decisions he did. If not for the kyuubi, he never would have had to. He would’ve lived a typical life with his parents. Graduated from the Academy, been placed on a genin team. Made chunin, maybe jounin like his mother and father. 

He wouldn’t have spent his fourteenth birthday undercover with a pedophile’s cock in his mouth. 

_ At least the bastard died screaming. _The thought was bitter but oh, so satisfying. He’d taken it so his team could complete their mission and, in the end, the warm blood on his hands had ensured their success.

When something in the jinchuuriki’s face crumbled, his bright blue eyes fading to a dull, listless colour, Cardinal just couldn’t bring himself to care. Yet, apparently hurt or not, the blond swallowed, forced a smile, and offered him a thumbs up. “No problem, Iruka-sensei.”

The mountebank’s title broke something deep inside him. “Don’t call me that, I’m not that… that _ imposter _.” Any semblance of indifference towards the demon container completely dwindled. Despite his careful control, Cardinal's killing intent trickled through with his quickly mounting hostilities. 

“But I’ve always called you that.” This was barely audible.

Shifting Houki to his shoulder, he covered the little boy’s ears. “We need to get something straight, _Uzumaki-san.”_ His eyes narrowed, chakra sharpening in warning. “I don’t have the same misguided faith in you Hatake does. If I had any say in this, you’d be in the deepest bowels of T&I for coming _ anywhere near my child. _ Questioning my Hokage’s decisions isn’t an option, however. So I will say this once and only once. If anything happens to my son while he’s in your care, I will end you. _Understood?” _

The jinchuuriki’s face paled. “W-what?”

“Is. That. Understood?” His killing intent spiked so suddenly, Houki whimpered.

The demon container's eyes darkened. Something inside the young man seemed to break.

_ Good, _ the sinister thought lingered in the back of Cardinal's mind. _ You’re the same as I am now. We’re both nothing but broken soldiers. _

The blond’s bottom lip quivered. A few tears trickled down his cheeks. “...I’d never do anything to hurt my otoutou, ya know?”

_ He’s not your little brother, he’s Hinoko’s. _Biting the inside of his cheek, Cardinal violently capped his killing intent. He didn't want to upset his son more than he already was. “Then we shouldn’t have a problem.” Without waiting for a response, he turned on his heel and carried Houki into the house. 

Only, his husband was waiting for him just inside. Cardinal was vaguely aware his blasts of killing intent most likely had drawn his husband’s attention. The Hokage stood in the genkan, face so livid it was pale and taut. “What did you do, Iruka?”

The deep angry part of him, which had woken up at the sight of the blond with his son, clamped down on his chest. Cardinal felt the urge to snarl at the alpha blocking his way. But, he was still holding Houki, still holding _ his son _, and he kept his voice down to a hiss when he responded. “You didn’t tell me you entrusted Houki to the jinchuuriki!!” 

Kakashi blinked at him. Confusion coloured the visible part of his face. “What does that have to do with Naruto looking after Houki?”

“You left my son with the monster that ruined my life!!” This was also a hiss, but it spit past his lips with a flare of killing intent that came and went so quickly it left Cardinal feeling drained. Kakashi Hatake was proving to be quite dense and he didn’t feel like explaining himself when he finally had Houki safe in his arms again. _ I just want to be with my fucking son for a while! Is that too much to ask? _

“Let it go, Hatake, and let me through.”

“Hold on, Iruka.” The words were spoken soft, as he tried to push past the Hokage. Kakashi’s hand pressed soft on his chest, holding him in place. Anger spiked but his husband’s next words stopped him from lashing out or shoving further into the house. “Damn it, I didn’t think. It happened so long ago, and you’ve never shown any hostility towards Naruto about it before. I’m so sorry, Iruka.”

Frowning, Cardinal stepped back and met the alpha’s gaze. The skin around his husband’s eyes was tight and the lines there deep. “How could you _ever_ _think_ I would be alright with Houki staying with the kyuubi’s jinchuuriki?” At least that came out level and non-hostal.

Kakashi’s words were slow when they came. “I know you don’t remember, Iruka, but you’re _ very _close to Naruto. You’ve looked after him since he was a kid. He’s like our son.” Reaching out cautiously, the Hokage took Houki from Cardinal's reluctant hold. “That scar on your back-” 

_ “What?!” _

Dread drained the colour from his face. The sudden realization _ of where that damned big scar _ came from left him grasping his shirt at the very edge of the angry mark. He’d stared at it several times since that initial discovery in the hospital. It was from a large weapon, a fuma-shuriken most likely. Several members of the Fuma Clan brought the weapon with them to Konoha upon defecting from Otokagure. Fuma-shuriken became popular weapons amongst chunin during his youth. 

No, there was no way he would-

_ “Naruto, get down!” _

_ The pain verberated to the very tips of his fingers and toes. He curled around the small, orange form beneath him, regret mixing with the pure agony throbbing through his body. Tears blurred his vision, mingling with blood as it dripped onto the terrified little face of the kyuubi’s jinchuuriki cowering beneath him. “W-Why, Iruka-sensei?” It was such a broken, innocent little question. _

_ “Because we’re the same,” his own voice echoed in his ears. “When I lost my parents, no one seemed to care. They didn’t have time for me. They just forgot I was there. So I did crazy things and then I had to pay for it.” Blue eyes stared up at him, wide and confused. So, so blue. There was nothing dangerous or monstrous in those eyes. Naruto was just a boy vilified for carrying a horrendous burden forced upon him. He had no say in the matter and only suffered because of it. “I just wanted to be seen. I know that’s how you feel, Naruto. You feel lonely and it hurts inside.” It hurt, it hurt so much. The isolation prolonged the agony, dug it deeper until it tainted his very soul against an innocent child. “I should’ve been there for you more. I’m sorry, no one should have to suffer that much. No one should be alone like that.”_

The memory hit him hard as that fuma-shuriken had all those years ago -unexpected and incredibly painful. He listed to one side, the sudden violence of it throwing him off-balance. If not for Kakashi grabbing his arm, he might’ve fallen.

“Iruka?”

Blinking, he shook his head, trying to clear his muddled mind. _ No. How? _ How was this possible. The jinchuuriki- _ Naruto. _ He really was-? What? His breath caught in his lungs as a trembling hand raked over his face. _ What have I done? _

“What’s wrong Papa?” His pup’s voice slowly brought him around. It was the first time Houki had spoken since the whole problem that was _ Naruto Uzumaki _began. 

“I got that scar protecting Naruto, didn’t I?” The name felt strange to say out loud, yet… right too. Familiar. His stomach twisted into knots -anger, guilt, confusion. Kakashi wasn’t exaggerating. Iruka-sensei threw himself in front of a fucking fuma-shuriken to protect the demon that killed his parents- No. He did it to protect _ Naruto. _The scared kid that looked up at him so confused, but just as lost and lonely as he had been at ten. 

And how was he supposed to take this? _ Any of this _with Kakashi looking at him suddenly so hopeful and almost scared. Kakashi Hatake should never look that way.

“Did you just remember something?”

“I- no. Yes? I don’t know?” He scrubbed both hands through his hair, the mixture of emotions inside him churning heavily in his stomach. The nausea it left behind wasn’t helping any. His muscles shook inside him, making him tremble from the inside out. Everything felt like it was coming to a head. Naruto was just the tipping point of a precariously balanced load he’d carried since waking up in the hospital. One he couldn’t keep from spilling over anymore. “Hatake-! ...K-Kakashi, help me please.” 

“Damn it, Iruka. I’m right here, I’ve got you.” Tears trickled down his cheeks when his husband’s free arm slipped around his shoulders and pulled him close. Cardinal fisted one hand into the alpha’s shirt, the other curling around Houki. 

Resting a tiny cheek against his head, Houki wrapped both arms around his neck. “Please don’t cry, Papa.” 

Cardinal shuddered against Kakashi shoulder. He turned his head just enough to kiss his pup and breathe in the boy’s soft scent. It lingered naturally with Kakashi’s alpha pheromones. The combination slowly settled him. “...What do I do, Kakashi? I-I can’t just. I-I don’t know! That thing ruined my life.”

“Kurama isn’t Naruto.”

_ “It has a name?!” The fucking kyuubi had a name? _

“Naruto’s had complete control of the kyuubi for five years, now. He almost single-handedly ended a world war,” Kakashi hummed quietly. His fingers gently massaged Cardinal’s nape. “I’ve never met someone with a stronger sense of morality, except for you. He learned that _ from you _, Ru.” The last sentence was spoke softly, the alpha’s voice warm with affection.

That name…

He had the urge to correct the man pressed close to him, but… _ Let it go… _ the little internal voice advised, quiet and worn out. Is it really a detail he wanted to nitpick right now? No, no it was not. Inhaling deeply, he let his eyes drift shut. It was… not comforting, the idea of all that strength tied up inside a skinny kid, but perhaps it was a little reassuring. If Naruto was that strong, maybe it was okay? He could-

-could what exactly? He’d escentally raised the vessel for the monster who killed his parents instead of his own daughter. Fuck Hiruzen for causing all of this! He hoped the old man was turning in his grave. 

“Kakashi, did we adopt Naruto?” He wasn’t sure where the question came from, but he suddenly needed to know the answer with an urgency he couldn’t place.

“...Not officially, no.” 

“Of course we didn’t.” Cardinal chuckled bitterly against his husband’s shoulder. Oh, the irony of this whole situation. “We should probably rectify that soon.” He pulled back, painfully aware of the tears still blurring his vision. “I… need to talk to Naruto. Where do I find him?”

Kakashi’s hand lingered against his back. “Mah, well, there’s an old swing outside the Academy-”

“I know the one.” He’d hung the damn thing himself as a kid. How the heck was it still there? “Look after Houki, I’ll be back soon.” Without another word, Cardinal formed a ram seal and disappeared in a whirl of leaves. 

He didn’t have time to properly enjoy the look of utter disbelief on his husband’s face. Apparently Iruka-sensei couldn’t shunshin. Well, that was a laugh.

* * *

The swing was exactly like he remembered, a surreal picture frozen from his childhood. How many hours had he spent seated on that wood, like the young man before him did now? Glancing up as he approached, Naruto furiously scrubbed tears away with the back of his sleeve. Damn, how badly had Cardinal hurt this person who trusted in him?

“...What’re you doing here, Iruka-sen-” cutting himself off, the blond swallowed hard. Right, he’d told Naruto not to call him _ sensei _and he was actually trying his best to comply. Even after all the horrible things he’d said. Those azure-blue eyes lowered to the ground and Cardinal’s stomach twisted into guilt-ridden knots. Naruto wouldn’t (maybe couldn’t?) even look at him. 

His fingers dug into his pant legs so tightly his knuckles turned white. “Looking for you, I guess.” Well, that was the _ lamest _start ever. Cardinal slapped a hand over his head with a groan. “Honestly? I don’t know. Kakashi told me what you’ve accomplished. About the war and gaining control of that dem- ...the kyuubi.” 

“His name’s Kurama.”

_ It’s still the damn demon fox- _He bit the inside of his cheek quickly to keep from saying something else he’d regret. “...Kakashi told me that, too.” 

“He’s not a monster.” Naruto’s hand clenched tightly into his jacket, just over his stomach. “_ I’m _not a-”

“I know!” He cut Naruto off, his voice unintentionally rising. The blond flinched and Cardinal had to take a breath so his next words would come out softer. “I know you’re not a monster. You’re not that- that… K-Kurama. You’re not Kurama either, you just- house it? The fox? Him? Fuck…” He yanked his hair from its usual ponytail and twisted the brown locks up in a messy bun just to have something to do with his hands. “...I don’t know what the hell I’m trying to say.” 

A tense quiet settled between them for several minutes. He chewed on his bottom lip, not daring to look at the young man seated only a few feet away. _ Shit. Why is this so difficult? _ The guilt settled deep, gnawing at his insides like a parasite. He rocked back on the balls of his feet, arms crossed over his chest. How the heck did he handle this properly? The silence was slowly driving him _insane._

“You know.” The voice was so sullen, so quiet, he almost missed when Naruto broke the silence. “You’ve been _Iruka-sensei_ to me since I was ten years old.” The blond’s face scrunched up, but he held back more tears. “I had no one growing up, no one at all. You were the first person to acknowledge me.”

He glanced over at the blond in disbelief. “Me?”

“You looked after me, ya know? You pestered me about everything and when I was really lonely, you’d treat me to ramen at Ichiraku’s.” Naruto tugged at the hem of his jacket. “When I was with you, it made me think maybe that’s what having a father was like, ya know?”

“...I can imagine.” Cardinal acquiesced quietly. 

“When my Master died, you’re the one who was there. You always supported my dreams.”

Leaning back against the tree, Cardinal was painfully aware of the scar resting just between his shoulder blades and the reason why it was there. “I protected you,” he murmured softly. 

Startled blue eyes locked onto his face. Naruto looked at him for the first time since he’d arrived. “From Mizuki, yeah. You remembered that? Really?” 

“Wait, Mizuki?” Cardinal openly scowled. It couldn’t be the same child he attended the Academy with. They’d been friends as kids. Mizuki hadn’t lost anything during the Kyuubi’s attack, not his family, his home, nothing. Why would he, of all people, attack Naruto? “White hair, about this length?” He held a hand just above his shoulder. 

“That’s him alright.” Naruto’s face screwed up like he’d just tasted a particularly sour lemon. “I was horrible at school. I failed the graduation exam three times, ya know? You’re the only one who tried to keep me on track. Mizuki was another Academy sensei. He tricked me into stealing a forbidden scroll and you tracked me into the woods. That bastard tried to kill me with a fuma-shuriken and you-”

“I took the hit for you.” He knew this part, the newly returned memory was still rather vivid. 

“Yeah, yeah, but it all worked out fine. I beat Mizuki’s ass with my shadow clones and you passed me.” Naruto tugged his hitai-ate off. “You even gave me your forehead protector!”

He drew in a sharp breath at the sight of the hitai-ate in the blond’s hands. It was old, worn and had a few more wear marks on it than he remembered, but Cardinal recognized the item immediately. His stomach gave a sickening lurch. There was that particular chink just beneath the leaf symbol. He rubbed his thumb over it so often after the kyuubi attack. He’d wept plenty of tears holding that forehead protector. “Th-that’s my mother’s.”

Naruto frowned, confusion painted all over his whiskered cheeks. “But you gave this to me when I made genin.”

Looking at the blond holding that hitai-ate, Cardinal was surprised to find his vision blurring. Clenching his jaw in annoyance, he dashed the unwanted, angry tears out of his eyes. “I would never give that to _ anyone. _”

“You took it off and tied it around my head yourself.” Naruto stubbornly persisted, fist closing around the headband protectively.

“Let me see that.” Feeling the sting of those tears behind his eyes, Cardinal couldn’t help the slight edge that had crept into his voice. He could hardly keep from scratching at Naruto’s hands as he snatched the hitai-ate from the blond’s grasp. An action met with a too loud, inarticulate squawk of protest from the young man.

Cardinal ignored him, too caught up with having a little piece of his past back in his hands. In his memories, this was still _ his _ . He’d held it the same morning he was given the order removing him from active duty and his following confrontation with Hiruzen. He’d never thought he’d _ see _ it again, much less _ touch _ it. More tears gathered in his eyes. His thumb stroked over the chip beneath the leaf symbol, rubbing in slow, affectionate circles there. 

This was definitely his mother’s hitai-ate.

“My mother was an ANBU.” Cardinal’s voice came out toneless, strained from the tears in his throat. “She wore her hitai-ate around her neck, just beneath her flak jacket. This nic was from a kunai meant to slit her throat.” His hold tightened around the forehead protector, gripping on to the metal until his knuckles turned white. “I-I would never give this to anyone.” Cardinal’s eyes dragged up from the hitai-ate to take in Naruto. His vision was more than blurry, it was full-on prismatic from the way the light reflected in his watery eyes. It was so fucking _ hard _ to remember the crippling, lonely emptiness that filled him after his parents were killed and how he had desperately tried to fill the void. 

This hitai-ate was all he had left of his parents, his most treasured possession. It was meant to go to his first child when they made genin. No one else. _ No one. _

Yet Naruto had it. 

_ ‘...you’re very close to Naruto. You’ve looked after him since he was a kid. He’s like our son.’ _ Kakashi’s words rang through his head, almost knocking the breath from his very lungs. “This was meant for you.” Iruka-sensei _ had _done what he intended. His mother’s forehead protector went to his eldest when they made genin. 

It went to _ Naruto. _

Naruto looked absolutely unnerved, both by the way Cardinal had ripped the forehead protector out of his hold and how tight he gripped it now. The blond’s bright, blue eyes were liquid with tears of his own. Despite that, the young man dared to whisper hopefully. “...I-Iruka-sensei?” 

“I-I’m sorry, just… give me some time, please.” This statement shook with the force of his emotions and Cardinal found he couldn’t keep looking at the younger man. His eyes fell back to the hitai-ate and he bit his lip, hitching a sob, as his thumb went back to rubbing the nick in the metal.

“Sure thing.” The words were so damn bright, they jerked Cardinal’s attention back to Naruto. The blond smiled at him so brilliantly, the sheer brightness could rival the sun. Shit, that smile hurt too. “Whatever you need, Iruka-sensei.”

_ Iruka-sensei _. It still left a bitter taste in his mouth, but maybe for Naruto -just Naruto- that name was okay. With a heavy heart, he tied his mother’s hitai-ate back around the blond’s head. 

* * *

Closing the front door, Cardinal leaned back against it heavily. His shoulders slouched with a weighted sigh. Now that he was home, the last bits of his energy fled. The exhaustion seemed to dig right into his bones, making him scrub a hand over his face as he tried in vain to quiet his racing mind. Everything was a massive jumble of confusing, raw emotions. It would take days to compartmentalize all his feelings, let alone begin to wade through them. That was a process he definitely wasn’t looking forward to, not when his head felt like someone stuffed it full of cotton. 

Right now, all he wanted to do was get some lunch and take a nap. No... All he really wanted to do was hold his _ son _. Even pushed to an emotion limit, what mattered most was having that warm life in his arms again.

A pleasant aroma floated down the hall from the kitchen. His stomach growled, a reminder he had yet to eat today. Waiting for Houki’s arrival made him too anxious for breakfast. He hadn’t even realized he was hungry until now.

Kicking off his sandals, Cardinal padded barefoot to the kitchen. Houki’s innocent laughter and Kakashi’s soft voice carried with the enticing scent. Something compelled him to stop in the kitchen doorway. Fresh tears gathered in his eyes as he leaned against the moulding and just took in the beautiful sight before him. 

“Oh, Daddy! Papa’s back.” Houki greeted him with a smile, little hands fumbling around the riceball he was trying to mould. “We got lunch all ready for you, Papa.”

Removing the frying pan from the stove, Kakashi finished plating the meal they’d prepared in his absence. “Welcome back, did the talk with Naruto go well?” Grilled saury, miso soup with eggplant, a salad topped with haphazardly chopped tomatoes and badly shaped rice balls. It was a feast fit for a king. 

_ They made all this for me. _A sob ripped from his lips, his vision blurring as his knees buckled. 

“Iruka!” Kakashi was there in an instant, pulling him into a protective embrace. “What happened? Did the talk _ not _ go well?” He slumped against his husband’s chest, not bothering to stop the tears when they came this time. He was vaguely away of Houki tugging at his shirt hem, but his son was suddenly in his arms and nothing else mattered. 

_ Houki. I have you back, finally. _

Clutching the pup to him, he buried his face in Houki’s spiky hair and whimpered. “I never want to be alone again, please Kakashi...” 

Kakashi’s arms tightened around him and for an instant, he was sure his husband’s hands trembled. Was it the fact he wasn’t calling him _ Hatake _ anymore? Or was it something else that put the tremble there? Whatever the answer, his husband’s response was steady when it came. “That’s never going to happen, Iruka, I promise.”

* * *

It was Kakashi’s idea to _ reconnect _ by dating. Married for over a decade, mated longer than that and Kakashi agreed to restart from the _ very _beginning, to rebuild their entire relationship from the ground up. It was strangely endearing if a bit comical. Their first date was scheduled for that very night, once Houki’s visit ended. 

As he’d demanded, Naruto’s fiance picked Houki up. Shikamaru Nara was nothing but respectfully polite as he took Houki’s hand, but one look at the omega’s dark eyes revealed the fury he expertly kept hidden. Of course, Naruto would have spoken to his mate about what occurred between them. It was only natural.

Cardinal couldn’t blame either of them. It was entirely his fault. So, he bit back every instinct that screamed for his pup to _ stay _ and let him go without a fuss. He forced himself to calmly remember Naruto’s assurance he would never let anything happen to Houki. Still, another piece of his heart fractured and walked away with his son. He stood in the doorway, watching the walkway Houki and Shikamaru had disappeared down long after the sun had set. 

Cardinal hadn’t realized how much time passed until he felt his husband’s gloved hands gently close around his upper arms. “You know, it’s been a long day. How would you feel about ordering some take-out and watching a movie?” 

The warmth that folded through his chest left his heart aching. “That sounds perfect.” 

With Ichiraku Ramen for two balanced precariously in his lap, Cardinal sank into the sofa cushions. The first scenes of _ Princess Gale and the Land of Snow _flashed across the television as Kakashi went to get drinks. With no free hands and nothing better to do, he settled in to watch. By the ten minute mark, he was fighting off a yawn.

Sage help him, this movie was _ boring _ . Why had his alpha picked _ this _ of all things to watch? At the rate the plot was going, he’d be asleep before he and Kakashi could do any _ reconnecting _.

“What snore-fest did you pick for us to watch?” He shifted over to make room for Kakashi when his husband _ finally _returned carrying a bottle of sake and two cups. 

“I’ll have you know Princess Gale is a classic.” 

_ “A classic,” _ he repeated and motioned to the television where a chase scene had started to unravel. _ “Icha Icha _ has a better plot than this trash.” It _ really, really _ did...

The sake bottle fell from Kakashi’s hand with a clatter. He stared at Cardinal in utter disbelief. “...I have waited over a decade for you to say that!” 

“Well, it’s true.” Rolling his eyes, he reached to open his ramen. No point in letting it go cold. _ “Icha Icha Paradise _ would make a great movie.” 

In a flash of startling speed, Kakashi vaulted over the kotatsu, grabbed a DVD and threw it to him. Cardinal caught the gaudy orange case on reflex. “No fucking way!” His brows raised in surprise as he read the title. “They made _ Icha Icha Paradise _into a movie and you’ve been keeping it from me?!”

“Mah, you never exactly approved of it before.”

Cardinal threw the DVD at his husband’s head. “Shut up and put it in, Hatake!!”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, it's Leo, here again with chapter notes! And here you are! Please enjoy a chapter full of fluff, sweet smut, and... children? Be sure to give Eternal all the love for how adorable these kids are because I swear my writing partner makes the most beautiful kids. And hey, if you're wondering where Aoi is in all this, he's around. "winks" In fact, if you would like a few more reasons to hate our favorite green-haired son of a bitch, pop on over to my little story [The Relativity of Time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/21652789/chapters/51633523) and I'll give you a few more reasons. Hehe. Enjoy people!

He met his husband in the front hall long after the sun had gone down. Leaning against the wall, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Welcome back, you’re late tonight.” 

Kicking his sandals off in the genkan, Kakashi shrugged his Hokage robe and hat off. “Mah, things piled up worse than I thought they had.” 

“I thought you said Tsunade-hime had pretty much taken over at the tower?” 

Kakashi rubbed a gloved hand over his nape sheepishly. “Ah, well, it’s been five years since she retired. A lot has changed since those days, so there are certain things only I can handle. Besides, I’m the Rokudaime. I can’t just let other people do my job for too long.” 

Cardinal’s fingers did a tapping dance over the skin of his upper arm. “No, I suppose the Hokage has things only he can handle. Meanwhile, I’m stuck in this house with nothing to do. I’m going stir crazy, Kakashi. There’s only so much training one can do alone.”

“Training?” The question was a little blank and Cardinal chuckled at the way his husband was glancing at him, gaging his body, as if for the first time. Honestly, how _ little _ had Iruka-sensei trained for his muscles to have been so soft? It was no wonder he’d been smashed by a group of missing-nin.

“Yes, training, but that isn’t the point. I’m losing my mind ambling around this house. It’s been almost three months and I’ve done basically nothing.” He closed the short distance between him and his husband, hands slowly running up the alpha’s chest. These new flak jackets were sleek and attractive. He liked the look of them. “Don’t you think it’s time we tried to re-establish some sort of norm?” 

A knowing look crossed Kakashi’s dark eyes. That didn’t stop him from drawing Cardinal into a gentle embrace. “You have something in mind.” 

His fingers curled into Kakashi’s custom-black flak jacket. There it was, that familiar intuition he hadn’t quite figured out how to work around yet. He wasn’t sure if it spoke to Kakashi’s prowess as an elite shinobi or just how well his husband knew his innate mannerisms. No sense in beating around the proverbial bush. “I think it would be beneficial if I started working again.” 

“I don’t think returning to the Academy like this is a good idea-”

“I’m not talking about teaching,” he responded quickly. Sage help him, he did _ not _ have the concentration or patience to deal with a hoard of pre-genin on a daily basis. Just the thought made him internally shudder. He loved kids. They were great, but teaching them? No way. That was _ Iruka-sensei’s _career choice, not his. How the hell he ever took such a complete professional one-eighty, Cardinal was still trying to figure out. “What about the mission desk? I already have the clearance and they’re always short-handed.”

Working the mission desk wasn’t really Cardinal’s cup of tea. It was slow and monotonous. Time dragged and no damn jounin ever filled out their paperwork correctly! But he had ulterior motives. The desk was his best option for accessing the archives. He needed to gather any information on Hinoko and Aoi he could get his hands on. Working the mission desk would give him ample opportunity without drawing attention to himself.

And he needed to gather information _ soon_. It was three months he’d been mostly idling in the house getting bored and irritable, three more months he was without his baby girl, three months more Aoi got to live. He _ needed _ to remedy both of those things and fast.

He felt Kakashi’s hold tighten protectively around him. It would be endearing if it wasn’t so frustrating. “Perhaps two or three shifts a week would be beneficial. Do you think you’re ready for that? You know _ -knew- _ most shinobi in the village on a first name basis.”

He caught the slight strain in Kakashi’s voice as he quickly corrected himself. It was a stark reminder just how unwaveringly supportive his husband had been this entire time. “I guess I’ll have a lot of names and faces to memorize then.” Hooking his fingers into Kakashi’s mask, he pulled it down just far enough to steal a quick kiss. “You’re too damn tense, we should do something about that.”

The Rokudaime Hokage’s head tilted ever so slightly, those grey eyes still fixed on his face. “Maybe we should,” he acquiesced. 

A halfway wicked grin spread across Cardinal’s lips. “We never made it out on our date, might as well seize the moment before we’re old and grey, yeah, Kakashi? Why don’t we start by going out for a few drinks? It might help you unwind some.”

“You want to get plastered on our first date?” There was a crook of one silver brow, more mischievously curious than disapproving. Cardinal found himself wondering if they were more kindred spirits than he originally assumed. The Hokage had something untamed and wild hiding beneath his calm.

Instead of denying the accusation, he just grinned. “What better way to let loose?” _ Let loose and forget for a little while, just a short time. _It was so damn tempting. He could be seventeen again, enjoying some much earned downtime with his team, while Hinoko was tucked away safely at home in Biwako’s care. Only that wasn’t his life any longer and that was the most destructive, self-deluded way he could try coping with that.

If one could even call that coping.

No, it was a betrayal of everything and everyone he ever held dear. Hinoko, his teammates -Kokage and Gazeru. They deserved better from him. _ Kakashi _deserved better. “Let’s just enjoy ourselves for a bit,” his hands smoothed down the front of Kakashi’s dark flak jacket to linger against the belt at his waist. “Unless you have something else in mind?” 

“Let me get changed.” The devilish flash that passed through Kakashi’s eyes made Cardinal’s heart stuttered in his chest. Lips brushed a chaste kiss over the scar on his forehead and then his husband was gone. He blinked, startled by the blush that flew so suddenly across his cheeks. Why did it feel like he’d just unsuspectingly unleashed a storm named _ Kakashi Hatake? _

This was either going to be very entertaining, or very bad. Cardinal wasn’t sure which.

* * *

The shot glass hit the counter with a slightly too loud _ clank _ , as it joined the progressively lengthening line of empty cups. “Number eight, Anko. Whaddaya gonna do now~?” Cardinal grinned so wide his cheeks ached a little. It was a smug sort of victory, the kind that left giddy butterflies fluttering around his stomach. The euphoria was akin to the rush of sky diving off the Hokage Monument. A gut-wrenching lurch and then _ freedom. _

The purple-haired woman’s red cheeks puffed out. “Nooo, that ain’t it… I just gotta~” She reached for another shot, even as she sank off her stool to the floor below. A girlish giggle sounded from beneath the counter followed quickly by a hiccup. “‘Kashi, banish the cheatin’ motherfucker. Ain’t no way Irrrruka-ah~ no way, no way...” 

“HA!” He snorted back a loud, rather obnoxious laugh. “You’re just… just a _ sore loser~” _Drunk, they were both drunk. If the red filling out Kakashi’s cheeks above his mask was any indication, the revered Rokudaime Hokage wasn’t fairing much better. Genma and Raidou had already tapped out for the night. Kotetsu lay slumped half over the bar a few stools down, drooling over what remained of his beer. 

How the bloody heck did Kakashi still look hot like that? It REALLY was a sin, damn it. The man had no right to be that good looking. He could only imagine how fucking gorgeous Kakashi would be spread naked on the shuriken quilt he favoured so much. The thought left his pants uncomfortably tight. Cardinal’s tongue was sticky and his head packed with cotton. Or… something. Fuck, he was _soooo_ drunk and his mind was doing terrible things. He really, really shouldn’t be thinking about a naked alpha sprawled out under him... 

Only he was and _fuck!_

Kakashi had remained at his side the entire night, a silent companion on the stool between him and Genma. Even now, his husband sat in quiet contemplation, his chin resting on an upturned hand and dark eyes alarmingly focused through the alcoholic haze. Kakashi’s gaze remained fixed right on his face. 

_ Fuck, fuckity fuck! _

Fresh heat filled out his cheeks, and this time not from the myriad of shots he and Anko had just breezed through. Shit! He hadn’t been with anyone -hadn’t been with his mate- _ in months. _ It was no wonder he was feeling this way what with the drinks lowering his inhibitions. This was not what he had in mind tonight. He needed to get _ a hold _ of himself. He needed to get some air or he was going to lose it and do something he might regret later. He couldn't stay staring wobbly, drunk out of his goad, at that pretty Hokage who had no business being that fucking alluring!

Cardinal was on his feet and dancing over a passed out, snoring Anko before he knew he was going to get up. Drunk or not, he was an elite shinobi, he knew how to move with _ some _ grace. He stepped over the mass of limbs on the floor and made a dash for a side door, head reeling.

The cool air hit him and washed over his heated face, for all the world feeling like a perfect relief. His mind woke up if just ever so slightly, the haze of alcohol lifting just a little bit. Okay, okay. He wanted to fuck his husband. Not a big deal. That was natural, right? Their bodies were bonded. Natural reaction and all that. He just… just didn’t know the man all the way yet, and he wanted-

“Iruka?” His name was spoken so softly, he almost missed it. 

With his breath caught in his lungs, Cardinal swallowed hard, trying his best to ignore how dry his mouth suddenly felt. He wanted his fucking mate and, damn! The man was right behind him!

“Are… are you okay?”

Another attempt at getting air into his lungs and Cardinal found he could form words. “Yeah, just peachy, Kakashi.”

“You’re not.” A light hand grasped his shoulder -tentative, imploring- and turned him so they were face to face. “Talk to me, Iruka,” Kakashi murmured softly. The alpha’s hands curled into his jacket at his shoulders.

“I- I just-” He swayed a little and tipped off his center of gravity, dragging them both against the wall. His back smacked into it and Kakashi came crashing into his chest because the man refused to let go of him. Unthinkingly, instinctively, his hands came up to smooth over the fabric of his husband’s shirt. “I want- _You.”_

A whine came out of Cardinal’s throat and Kakashi caught it with his lips, kissing him as lightly as he had placed his hands on his shoulders. “I want you too, Iruka. I-I love you. Can I… show you how much?”

His stomach jerked and twisted, heavy with the weight of their mutual confession. Kakashi was so patient, so willing to pull away and leave things as they were if he so much as said so. But he didn’t want that. No, he’d been honest for what felt like the first time since he regained consciousness in the hospital. He wanted this man. 

His husband.

His _ mate. _

Cardinal nodded before he even realized it. The sudden spike of Kakashi’s spicy pheromones wrenched a groan from his throat. And then Kakashi’s mask was gone and hot lips were trailing down his throat. A flick of tongue at his collarbone left him arching into his husband’s grasp. Kakashi pulled him closer by the hip. Even through the thick, shinobi-grade pants, Cardinal could tell his husband was every bit as aroused as he was. 

How the hell did Kakashi hold himself back for so long? The need coiled so urgently frantic in his lower stomach, he felt like he was ready to crawl out of his own skin. He didn’t expect how swiftly or gracefully Kakashi dropped to his knees. The sound of his zipper being tugged down filled the quiet space between Cardinal’s laboured breathing. His hips quivered when his pants loosened and fingers drew the heavy material down with his boxers. 

Skin flushed, he swallowed hard and his face turned heavenward. Cool air hit his bare skin, sending a wracking shudder through him. Slick left his inner thighs moist, his cock so painfully hard it was almost embarrassing. The first flick of Kakashi’s tongue pulled a strangled moan from his quivering lips. Cardinal’s hands dug into unruly hair, fingers twisting around the silver locks in a desperate bid to ground himself. 

His husband’s fingers closed around the base of his cock, the firm grip and calloused fingers shooting fresh heat up his spine. Kakashi stroked him slowly, surely, from base to tip, meeting his lips where they closed around Cardinal’s cock head. Kakashi’s mouth was ridiculously wet and warm. His attention snapped back to his husband, _ his mate, _when that sinfully skilled mouth suddenly took in all of him, every last inch, until his nose pressed to wry, brown curls.

His heart jumped straight into his throat, his heartbeat pounding frantically in his own ears. Every muscle drew taut like a bowstring. Kakashi moved with such ease, letting Cardinal’s cock slide in and out effortlessly. This was insane! Someone’s mouth shouldn’t feel this good, not when they’d barely gotten started-

_ Fuck! _

When was the last time he’d wanted someone this much? Been this attracted to someone? 

_ Hound, _ his mind supplies unhelpfully. _ It was Hound, Hinoko’s sire. _

But Hound might be dead for all he knew. If not, he surely had a mate of his own by this time. And this man… this man on his knees before him… Kakashi was here and he was kind and he was making Cardinal’s knees weak. 

Overwhelmingly, the need for _ more _ swamped his muddled senses. “K-Kakashi,” he gasped out. Fire seemed to lick through his very veins, setting him ablaze from the inside out. He couldn’t believe the desperation laced through his own words. “Kakashi, please.”

Grey eyes flickered up to his flushed face, smoldering and knowing. Gloved hands smoothed across his bare hips, then fell away. Cardinal bit down an impatient, frustrated whimper at the loss of contact. Then Kakashi’s bare hand squeezed his ass, dipped down and-

Cardinal let out a strangled groan.

-two fingers pressed knuckle-deep inside him. They probed and twisted, striking in just the right way to make him rock from side-to-side. It took every bit of self-control to keep from thrusting into Kakashi’s mouth. The delicious suction around his cock, the feel of his husband’s tongue brushing along his length, sent waves of pleasure coursing through him. 

He needed- _ Needed! _

“K-Kakashi!” 

The desperation in that call, almost on the border of pain, had his mate releasing him and standing up, taking his face in his hands. “Iruka?” The alpha’s expression was all concern but _ that _ wasn’t what Cardinal _ needed _ _!_ Whining again, he took Kakashi’s hips in his hands and crushed them together. Their cocks met and he ground into the man in front of him, letting that desperation in him take control.

His husband reacted, moving with him, pressing into him. Kakashi fit one leg between Cardinal’s, bracing him and drawing them closer together at the same time. The alpha’s rough fingers, calloused from years of weapon use, curled around their cocks, pre-cum slicking each stroke, until Cardinal was almost wailing against Kakashi’s shoulder. Their panting mixed into one wordless stream of desire and _ that _ was what he _ needed _.

“N-Need you,” the words broke out of him as he came in a rush.

As if the fact he was satisfied offered something to his alpha, the other man gasped and followed Cardinal in his own release. Leaving them joined in Kakashi’s hand, their shirts sticky and coated with cum.

_ And drunk with their pants down in an ally. _

His arms closed around Kakashi’s neck, drawing him closer almost naturally. He didn’t want to pull away just yet, compromising position be damned. Hands fisting into the back of his husband’s shirt, Cardinal’s eyes slid closed. 

“Are you okay?” Kakashi nuzzled his cheek with his nose, mouthed his jaw gently. Tucking them both back into their pants, the alpha used his discarded gloves to clean them up. 

Cardinal just hummed in response and pressed his face into the crook of his husband’s shoulder, warm, spent, and perfectly content to stay exactly where he was. 

* * *

He’d only been inside the Nara Compound twice before and never in the Clan Head’s home. To see Houki come running out the front door, followed quickly behind by a stumbling toddler who looked strikingly similar to Naruto, was a bit of a shock. He _ knew _Naruto was engaged to Shikamaru Nara, the only son of the former Jounin Commander, and now Clan Head, but seeing it with his own eyes was an entirely different manner. 

He ended up with his arms full of little boy -his own beloved son and the tiny, blond sunshine who followed Houki like a second shadow. Hoisting one boy onto each hip, he nuzzled his face into his son’s hair and breathed in the boy’s soft scent.

“You’re on time, Papa! Did you stop Daddy from getting lost on the road of life again?”

Cardinal snorted, unable to hold back a chuckle when Kakashi let out a half-strangled noise at his side. “Something like that.” He kissed both of Houki’s round cheeks before letting Kakashi scent and nuzzle their son.

The little, blond pup whined and pawed at his shoulder for attention, bottom lip visibly quivering. “Rujii,” he wibbled, watery, blue eyes watching him expectantly.

Those large eyes twisted Cardinal’s stomach into knots. Some deeply primordial urge to comfort the pup raged from down inside him. It didn’t matter the little guy wasn’t his own. He was a parent, an omega. The urge to protect, to nurture, almost overwhelmed him. “Ah, this is Naruto and Shikamaru’s son, right?” Hugging both pups a little closer, he nuzzled unruly, blond hair much like he had his son’s.

“Mah, that’s one of them.” Kakashi patted the toddler’s head affectionately. “This is Boruto.” 

“One of them?!” 

“Kajii!” Reaching for Kakashi, the tiny pup all but lunged himself from Cardinal’s arms. Thankfully, the alpha caught Boruto with ease. 

“I’m sure Naruto’s eager to reintroduce you to them.” His husband’s eyes curved into half-moon smiles as he bounced the pup in his arms with an ease that came from years of experience. Placing a palm gently against the small of Cardinal’s back, Kakashi gently directed him inside.

Naruto and Shikamaru’s home could be summoned up with two words -cozy and warm. The soft greens accentuated the bright oranges without being overpowering. Pictures littered the walls, shelves, stands -anywhere and everywhere they could be placed. It gave him pause that there were several featuring himself alongside Naruto at various ages, some with him and Shikamaru, and others still with the children and Kakashi. But that could be thought of later.

“Ru-jii,” a tiny wibble from the living room doorway caught his attention. A pup not much older than Boruto grasped the door casing, blue eyes swimming with tears. 

Kakashi gently lifted Houki from Cardinal’s tight hold, balancing both him and Boruto in each arm. He motioned to the pup in the doorway with a slight nod of his head. “Iruka, this is Shikadai.” 

Where Boruto strongly resembled his sire, Shikadai looked more like Shikamaru -his facial features, skin tone, even the dark brown hair that had been carefully pulled back in a bushy ponytail. Those eyes and whisker marks on his chubby cheeks were all Naruto though. 

A soft, gentle warmth slowly spread through Cardinal’s chest. _Blue eyes,_ both boys had Naruto’s loving, blue eyes. He knelt down slowly, watching Shikadai as he hiccuped through his tears and shifted from foot to foot. It was a silent plea, a child’s way of seeking comfort and affection. He held a hand out to the pup. “Hello, Shikadai.” 

Shikadai’s face scrunched up, his breath hitching on a sob. Unlike his brother, the pup inched over to Cardinal slowly, until he was able to draw the little boy into his arms. Only then did Shikadai bury his face in Cardinal’s shoulder and let out a loud wail. A testament to just how much the pup had missed him. Or, missed Iruka-sensei, at least. Holding the trembling mess of sweet pup, Cardinal found himself wishing he could remember the times he’d spent with these children. To build such an ingrained love he could feel it tugging at him from some place deeper than conscience memory. But he couldn’t, and all he could do was press his face to the young one’s hair and try to hush him and place little, reassuring caresses along the pup’s back and arms.

“Ru-jii,” Shikadai murmured after a moment. “Are you feeling better?”

The question made Cardinal’s heart hurt in ways he didn’t think it possibly could with a child not his own. “Yes, I’m feeling a little better.” If only that were more true. _ Better _ was a phenomenon he couldn’t even begin to tackle, not until he knew what happened to Hinoko at least.

But that could be thought of later, as well. The pup ground his palm into one teary eye. “I missed you.” 

“I’m sorry I worried you.” Wiping the tears from Shikadai’s face, Cardinal breathed in the pup's soft scent -warm milk and ozone, most likely a wind affinity like his sire. “Do you know where your fathers are?” 

“In here!!” Naruto’s voice carried down the hall. “Gotta change the baby, ya know?”

“...Baby?” Cardinal muttered. He could feel the shock on his own face. Naruto and Shikamaru had _ another _ child?! They were so young to have such a large family.

_ But then_ , he reasoned, following Kakashi and holding Shikadai firmly in his arms, _ I was only sixteen when I had Hinoko… _

The room they entered, like a little parade, was warm, sunny, and full of light streaming in from large, bay windows. Naruto turned a huge grin on them all the moment they were through the door and Cardinal felt his heart squeeze at the sight of Naruto with a brown-haired baby in his arms. The bright pink and orange sundress screamed the youngest of Naruto and Shikamaru’s trio was a little girl.

“You made it!” The blond enthused, shifting the little girl and supporting her at his shoulder. “And you’re on time. Iruka-sensei much have kept you on schedule, huh, Kakashi-sensei?”

The joke was lighthearted, but Cardinal could see the moment something in Naruto’s face crumpled when he caught the fact he’d used the name _ Iruka-sensei _so lightly. Kakashi moved to say something, to break the tension, but Cardinal beat him to it with a simple question. “How are you, Naruto?”

The blond blinked, then grinned. “I’m alright. Just keeping busy with the kids, ya know?”

“Yeah, I know.” He really did. Looking after Hinoko on top of his missions took more energy than he’d ever admit. More than once he’d nodded off trying to rock her to sleep. And he only had the one. Naruto had _ three. _

The pair stared at each other as the conversation trailed off. Tension settled into the room, making the pups start to get uncomfortable and restless. Kakashi cleared his throat. “Don't you think Shikamaru could use some help with lunch, Houki?” 

The little boy looked up at his father curiously but quickly brightened. “Yes! We can help him, right Boruto?”

“Yay!” The blond toddler threw his hands in the air. Kakashi set both boys on their feet. They took off down the hall faster than Cardinal could blink. 

“Oh no,” his husband declared in a dull tone. “What mischief they could get up to. I better keep an eye on them. You two stay here, relax and talk.” Pressing a quick kiss to his cheek, Kakashi plucked Shikadai from his arms and disappeared in a pull of smoke. Besides the baby, that left him and Naruto completely alone.

The blond hugged his daughter a little closer, eyes narrowed suspiciously at the spot Kakashi had occupied just a moment earlier. “Kakashi-sensei did that on purpose, didn’t he?” 

“Most definitely," he smacked a hand over his face with a groan. His husband had effectively just thrown him to the proverbial wolves. The not-so-subtle _ talk to him _didn’t need to be said. Kakashi’s actions spoke volumes. 

“Ah,” Naruto ran a hand through his spiky, blond locks, making the hair all the wilder if that was possible. “Well, uh, oh! This is Himawari!” The jinchuuriki lifted the baby girl up so he could get a better look. She cooed and smiled, large, blue eyes wide with curiosity. She seemed to be a typical, happy infant. “She’s four months old.” 

Cardinal rubbed a hand over his chest when a dull ache settled behind his breastbone. “...She’s beautiful, Naruto.” Himawari looked nothing like his Hinoko. She was much bigger, chubbier than his daughter had ever been. The hair was too dark, the eyes too bright, the skin too tanned. And yet he couldn’t help but make the comparison, to think of his own baby girl, dead or lost somewhere in this Sage forsaken village. 

The blond grinned, “thanks.” 

The silence returned, quickly stretching a thick tension between them. Instead of attempting more awkward small talk, Cardinal turned to the pictures littering the wall to his left. A lot of them were of the children, some with their parents, others without. One appeared to be Shikamaru holding a newborn Boruto, another of Naruto with Shikadai on his shoulders, one of Himawari laid out on a blanket. 

His attention shifted from frame to frame, taking in the faces he was supposed to know. And then, there it was. His own face stared back at him from behind a grin very reminiscent of the ones Naruto often bore. Iruka-sensei sat in a pile of multi-coloured leaves, Houki, Shikadai and Boruto hugged firmly in his arms. They were all laughing at the camera, red-faced and happy. Stray leaves were stuck in their hair, their clothes, _ Boruto’s teeth. _

His chest restricted, eyes quick darting to another picture.

Was that him and Naruto? The kid didn’t look a day over thirteen and sported far too much orange. They were at Ichiraku’s, partly eaten bowls of ramen sitting on the table before them, his mother’s hitai-ate fixed firmly around the jinchuuriki’s forehead. 

He inhaled quickly, shallowly, and looked away to a smaller picture propped atop a neatly arranged desk. Tears brimmed in his eyes. Cardinal didn’t realize he’d reached for the frame until he was holding it in his trembling grasp. 

The Rokudaime Hokage’s Inauguration. 

The three of them stood side-by-side, Kakashi, he, and Naruto. His hand rested lightly upon Kakashi's chest, a supportive yet intimate gesture. The alpha looked every bit as awkward and uncomfortable in his Hokage's robes then as he did now. Regardless, Kakashi stood tall and proud with one arm thrown around his and Naruto's shoulders. The blond was half pressed again Kakashi's side, face flushed with pride. 

That wasn't what made his lungs stutter or his hands shake. No, it was the massive, very obvious swell to his stomach that sent tears trickling down his cheeks.

_ Pregnant. I'm pregnant with Houki here. _

No, Iruka-sensei was pregnant, not him. That wasn't him in the picture. None of these were him. All these photographs did was capture a living lie. Someone he was never supposed to be. A reminder of the years _ -the life- _stolen from him. 

“You were there for it all, ya know? Whenever I needed you, you were there.” Naruto’s voice once more dragged Cardinal from his spiralling thoughts. “You loved me when no one else even liked me. When I was younger, I used to pretend you were my real father, ya know?” The blond glanced down at the picture over his shoulder, Himawari still held snugly in his arms. Naruto pressed his face into his daughter’s brown curls. “I didn’t have any family or friends as a kid, but I never felt lonely when I was with you…” 

Chewing on the inside of his cheek, Cardinal desperately tried to shove down the sickening amalgamation of guilt and regret coiling in his gut. He could feel his defenses cracking, the ache he buried so deep inside slowly bubbling back to the surface. He wasn’t the one Naruto or Kakashi loved. His grip tightened on the picture frame until his knuckles turned white. 

“I love you,” Naruto continued when he didn’t speak. 

There was an unwavering determination behind those quiet words that slowly chipped away at the walls he’d built around himself. How was he supposed to be okay with any of this? He lost fifteen years with Hinoko, Naruto, Kakashi, Houki… They could’ve been a real family, _ all of them- _

As if able to read his thoughts, Naruto declared, “no matter what’s all messed up inside your head, you’ll always be my family. That’ll never change, believe it.” 

A full-body shudder ran through Cardinal. Silently, he set the picture aside. Blinking rapidly, he tried to stop more tears from escaping and failed miserably. He wanted that with a desperation that truly frightened him. _A family._ This family he’d somehow been lucky enough to fall head-first into. All that was missing was Hinoko. “I thought I told you not to call me Iruka-sensei.” There was no real fire behind the words, no hostility. Even as they passed his lips, he knew he wasn’t speaking the truth. Not any longer. 

Naruto just grinned that same blindingly brilliant smile and caught the edge of his flak jacket between his fingers. “You’ll always be my Iruka-sensei.” 

That was all it took. 

The last bit of his resistance shattered like fragile glass. Cardinal bit back the sob bubbling up his throat and breathed deeply through his nose. He wasn’t Iruka-sensei, he never could be. Even if those memories returned, he couldn’t go back to being the chunin academy sensei. He didn’t want to. But these bonds _ -this family- _ he wanted with the same intense longing he had wanted Hinoko. 

_ I’m jealous of Iruka-sensei. _

The realization made his stomach somersault uncomfortably. Iruka-sensei wasn’t here any longer, but he was. _ He _could rebuild these bonds, make them his own. Maybe, possibly, if he really tried. That resolve was what made him finally turn to Naruto. He pulled the younger man into a hug, carefully cradling Himawari between them. “...I suppose it’s okay if you’re the only one calling me Iruka-sensei, Naruto.” 

The blond went painfully rigid for a minute too long, then completely crumbled in his arms. “I-Iruka-sensei!” Clutching Himawari to his chest, Naruto wrapped one arm around him and sobbed into his shoulder. The baby fussed a bit before settling contently between them. Burying his face in Naruto’s hair, Cardinal held them both a little tighter and finally let his own tears freely flow.

If the familiar chakra of a certain silver-haired Hokage flitted suspiciously close to the door, well Cardinal wasn’t about to tell.

* * *

_ Sunny. It was so sunny and comfortably warm with Houki’s hand in his. Cardinal felt a faint but deep contentment stealing over his heart. His pup chattered away at his side and swung their joined hands. When Houki started laughing he couldn’t keep from joining in. _

_ Raising his eyes from the little boy he loved so much, Cardinal took in Konoha. His village. His home. Things were different from what he remembered, but so much of it was built to mirror the village before it was decimated. It was familiar where so much of everything else was unknown. The Naka River wound to his and Houki’s left, sparkling and glistening in the afternoon light slanting from the west. A silver-crystalline serpent. A landmark that hadn’t been altered in the slightest. Around them shinobi and civilians of all classes walked and chatted, offering him easy smiles of greeting he returned with a wave. _

_ Peaceful. That’s what the scene was, and he relished it, for what it was worth. _

_ Aoi _.

_ The bastard was still out there and Hinoko too, somewhere… He hadn’t forgotten either of them, but being with Kakashi and Houki, getting to know Naruto's family again… Some part of him was unknotting because of these people who loved him. Both stark terror and a sense of relief washed over him at the realization. ‘We can get through this mess,’ part of his mind assured. ‘Somehow, we will get Hinoko back and Houki will be with his sister.’ _

_ As if thoughts of his son made it happen, the pup holding his hand tugged at it and pointed ahead. “Papa! Look, Papa!” _

_ “What is it-” he couldn’t get his whole sentence out before his son bolted. Just let go of his hand and started running with a happy exclamation. “Houki! Wait!” _

_ Cardinal sprinted after the boy quickly widening the distance between them. The feeling of mellow calm evaporated in an instant. Curled up, blew away on a wind of anxiety. He couldn’t lose his son too!! “Houki! Hold up! Slow down !” Shit! “ Come back!” _

_ The pup didn’t so much as turn his head. That should’ve made him angry, but there was no room for it beyond the sudden, blinding terror. There was something wrong, something very wrong. No matter how fast he ran he couldn’t keep up with his pup’s short-legged stride. _ _ Out of breath, his chest felt tight around his heart, his legs slowed, stiffened, felt sluggish. It was as if he were running through mud. His feet stuck, each step an increasing struggle. No matter what he did, he couldn’t get any speed. _

_ His body was out of shape, yes, but not this out of shape. He’d been training for several weeks and Iruka-sensei’s desk shinobi physique was beginning to tone up again. So, what in the hell was wrong with him?! He should be able to catch one over-excited little boy! _

_ It seemed like eons before he finally reached his son’s side. Pulling up short to gasp in air, Cardinal almost doubled over his knees. He didn’t stay in that position long, though. Not with alarm bells ringing in his mind, not with fear clawing itself down his spine.  
_

_ Houki was holding a stranger's hand! _

_ The man was turned away from him, but Houki grasped him with both small hands, trustingly, lovingly. The sight constricted his heart further and Cardinal shouted, “who are you?!” _

_ The man turned, his rotation smooth and graceful, and Cardinal's breath caught in his throat. He was looking at himself. Himself holding his son’s hand. Only, no. This wasn’t him, not really. Not now, not ever. This man. This beloved, adored doppelganger was-  
_

_ "Iruka-sensei. " _

_ The fear seemed to crawl into his heart, freezing him at his very core. He went to take a step back, needing to ground himself, but he found he couldn’t move. His feet were stuck to the ground. Locked and bound. _

_ Just like the rest of him. _

_ “H-Houki…” The name trailed off his lips, seemed to be dragged out of him by a longing and terror Cardinal couldn’t control. It felt like he was tied up in Hiruzen’s paralysis jutsu again. Watching everything he loved get taken from him while he could only stand there. _

_ Helpless. _

_ Iruka-sensei merely looked at him in the same cool, detached way one considered an insect before squashing it. His own brown eyes were hard when they met Cardinal’s gaze. “He’s my son, not yours. Kakashi, Naruto, they'll never be yours.” _

_ Those words cut deeper than the blade held in Iruka-sensei’s grasp. With indescribable calm, his lookalike lifted the kunai and swung it in an arc toward his head. Even then, he remained transfixed, caught and helpless to do more than scream. _

The scream yanked him out of the nightmare. He wasn’t aware it actually came from him until his throat grew achy and hoarse. He jerked up into a sitting position, holding his head in a death grip. Pain throbbed through his temple, the worst fixed on the striking scar left by his assailant. Only it wasn’t some random missing-nin, not now. Not this time. 

It was Iruka-sensei trying to reclaim _ his life. _ Trying to replace him again.

A sharp thump echoed from the living room and Kakashi was suddenly by his side. A singular testament to the volume of his shriek, no doubt. But he didn’t have time or the mentality to think about it. Cardinal turned into his husband’s arms as Kakashi wrapped him up and held him tight. “Shh, it’s okay, Iruka. It was just a dream. Everything’s alright.” 

No, nothing was alright!

And, at that moment, it felt like it never would be again.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here we are at last with chapter seven, and here is Leo with your chapter notes! First off, give Eternal lots of love and credit for this one, believe me she deserves more than you will ever know. I am naught but a difficult beta she is overly fond of! Good grief, so troublesome I am...
> 
> But hey, lots of fun stuff here for you. This chapter is a fine example of why you should always be kind to your desk shinobi. Trust me. I am one and let me just say, we know all your secrets, we know how to make your life miserable, we might smile to your face, but we'll mess you up if you give us shit. So, the next time you're interacting with a desk shinobi, be kind. Lol.
> 
> Also, hey we're giving you smut this chapter. "points" It's down there near the end. You'll see it coming. There's a little flashback stuck in it in italics if you only want that. Enjoy my people!

Working the mission desk was one of the most frustrating experiences of his life. The work itself was mind-numbing at worst and mundane at best. He remembered with perfect clarity how to fill out a mission report. The form hadn’t changed since he was a genin. Oh, goodie… The one familiar thing was the form. The faces, however, were _ definitely _ not the same. The shinobi of his youth had grown and changed with a generation and a war.

Still, it wasn’t so bad, not really. Most of the chunin greeted him with enthusiasm and well-wishes. Several shinobi he only vaguely remembered from his youth treated him with a familiar kindness that unwittingly eased him. Having Genma on his first shift made the transition all the easier. He hadn’t expected the tokujo to remember their drinking contest, considering he’d gotten plastered off his gourd. Yet, all it took was a thump to the back, some playful jeering and they settled into an easy-going routine.

It wasn’t until the younger generations started coming in that it got difficult, especially with the genin. Every little team of three that filed through the door with their jounin sensei met him with elated cries of “Iruka-sensei!!” They brought him reports filled out with meticulous detail and gave him hugs he couldn’t bring himself to refuse. 

The affection was wrongly placed and that hurt.

Those little ones loved someone they thought was him. It left a hollow, empty void inside him every time one of them greeted him with a title he never wanted, never fathomed would follow his given name -sensei, a teacher. 

Someone who nurtured the next generation. 

All his bloody hands had ever done was lead the next generation to their deaths. 

When one little kunoichi, only months past graduation, started to cry, his stomach twisted into painful knots. All he could do was ruffle hair, pat small backs, and assure them he was recovering well. It seemed to be enough, as they all departed with big smiles and lingering waves in the doorway. 

Every shinobi Naruto’s age and younger referred to him as Iruka-sensei and inquired to his recovery. They offered to assist him in any way they could. The fondness of those smiles, the way their eyes softened, showed the genuine affection they held for their former teacher. 

And that’s when it hit him. Iruka-sensei wasn’t just well-known throughout the village because of his connection to the Rokudaime or the village’s hero. It was because of his own merits. Iruka-sensei taught the bulk of Konoha’s fighting force when they were too little to properly hold a kunai. Heck, he'd probably showed them how to do that himself-

The twisting in his stomach coiled into tight, painful knots. All the warmth in him seemed to run cold.

He wasn’t Iruka-sensei. He never wanted to _ be _ Iruka-sensei. The man had left an impression on Konoha he could never hope to live up to. What was he but one more assassin hidden in the shadows, anonymous and forgotten? No one remembered _ Cardinal, _ but _ Iruka-sensei _was a completely different matter. How many classes of shinobi had the damn man taught? The thought made him want to scream, to flip the desk he was sitting behind and throw his chair through the row of bay windows behind him. 

Instead, he pushed the storm of conflicting emotions -anger, envy, confusion, sorrow- deep down. He let them linger and fester with every other conflicting feeling he harboured about the man who had taken over his life and made it his _own._

At least, he tried to until the emotions caught up with him and he couldn’t anymore. Things started to bubble over in redirected irritation when a few jounin tried getting cheeky with the chunin who handled the paperwork.

He may have never actually worked the mission desk before, but Cardinal knew how to write a good report. He had for years, and these hoity-toity jounin thought they could, what? Hand in subpar reports because the Hokage’s husband was on recovery for a few months? 

_ No. Fucking. Way. _

With no other way to deal with his trapped feelings, Cardinal felt no remorse in making several high-ranking shinobi entirely redo their reports. If one got a little mouthy? Well, he had no qualms giving it right back to them either. How could these sad excuses for jounin call themselves elite and then hand in reports with poorer penmanship than the rookie genin? 

He understood some wrinkles, even a little blood splatter here and there. Unexpected shit happened on missions. That didn’t mean you filled out the fucking mission report with an orange gel pen! (The only one even remotely close to getting away with that colour was Naruto, not that he ever admitted to the favouritism.) Jounin were known for their eccentricities, but some of these damn reports were pushing it. They had to be doing it on purpose.

When Aoba Yamashiro passed him a four paged report written completely in haiku during his third shift, Cardinal exploded. Rumour had it his Killing Intent leaked right through to the ANBU wards in the sub-basement. 

The mission desk saw several well-earned, peaceful shifts with well-behaved jounin and perfectly completely reports after that, though.

* * *

On his fifth shift in, Cardinal watched the hours tick towards closing. Izumo and Kotetsu sat at the adjoining desks, sifting through paperwork and doing their best to stay awake. The late shift was slow. There weren’t many who came through at such an abysmal hour and those who did were more often than not elite jounin in desperate need of a trip to the hospital. The last thing they wanted to do was talk. 

It was the perfect opportunity to put his plan into action.

So, Cardinal bided his time and waited for the right moment. He used the slow shift to familiarize himself with both the mission room and records vault. The better he knew the layout, the quicker he could get what he wanted without arousing suspicion. He counted the hours and busied himself organizing the approved reports. It was all routine and mechanical until he came across something that caused him to pause.

_ Report on the tracking and identification of missing-nin party responsible for the ambush and attack on the educational __c__onference team consisting of Sadoru Fuma, Daikoku Funeno, and _ ** _Iruka Umino._ **

Seeing his name on the paper made him lock up, every muscle drawn taut like a bowstring. Amongst everything happening he had become distracted from the fact he was crucified to a tree before being stabbed with a kunai. The image of what that might have looked like swam up to invade his mind, making him sit back and breathe with his eyes squeezed closed. The fresh scars on his palms and temple throbbed -a stark, crisp reminder he had more to worry about than simply Aoi. 

He still had an enemy out there he knew nothing about.

Unfortunately, the report didn’t contain any useful information beyond the fact the missing-nin party were still marauding along the Land of Fire’s borders. They had razed a village, burnt every building and killed some thirty people. The Hokage had upped the number of nin tracking the group, but there was no hint in the report if the shinobi working the mission found out who the missing-nin were.

_ Relevant files on suspected missing-nin requisitioned by Hokage _ was the only note on the matter. So Kakashi had his suspicions, but nothing concrete. Cardinal scowled, brows knitting together in irritation. Kakashi hadn’t mentioned anything about what happened. Was he deliberately keeping him in the dark? It left a sour taste in his mouth. Kakashi had to stop doing things for his 'benefit'. 

Kotetsu’s loud sigh from his right brought Cardinal from his thoughts. Placing the report back in the pile, he glanced at the clock. “Looks like it’s finally closing time,” he grinned at the two chunin and fixed the file folders he’d spent the last hour organizing. “You both seem tired. Why don’t you head home first, I can lock up.” 

“Sounds like a plan,” Kotetsu agreed without a second thought.

Izumo, on the other hand, was not so easy to appease. The chunin’s brows knitted together in a frown. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Iruka. You haven’t been back that long. Hokage-sama would have our hides if we left you alone and something happened.”

_ Damn it, Izumo. Why do you have to be the responsible one? _ He gritted his teeth through the grin and waved off the other man’s concern. “Nonsense, we’re in the Hokage Tower. What safer place is there? Plus, ANBU are constantly crawling around the building. I could never be alone in here if I tried.”

Izumo didn’t look convinced. “Do you even know how to activate the wards?” 

Okay, that stung. _ Of course_, he knew how to activate the damn wards. They hadn’t changed since Hiruzen was Hokage. Same hand seals, same manipulation of chakra to activate them. He knew the sequence like the back of his hand. “I do,” he responded curtly. _ Come on, don’t lose your temper now. It’s been a long damn night and he means well. Iruka-sensei was his friend. _ “Don’t you two have a pup to get home to?” 

Kotetsu almost whined at that. “Come on, Zumo. My last mission kept me away from Doshu for a full week. It’ll be fine for Iruka to lock up alone this once. No one needs to know, right?”

“Right.” He smiled encouragingly as his attention shifting back to Izumo.

The omega faltered, guilt and longing flickering quickly through his dark eyes. It still amazed Cardinal two omega had mated, let alone produced a pup. They were an extremely rare family when one considered an omega male’s low probability of impregnating a partner. Izumo chewed on his bottom lip, shoulders slouching when he finally gave in. “Fine, but just this once.” He squeezed Cardinal’s arm. “You’ll be careful, right?”

“Extremely careful.” 

“Don’t make me regret this.” Before Cardinal could stop him, Izumo pulled him into a tight hug. “If anything happens to you, I’ll never forgive myself.” 

His stomach did an unpleasant flip. “I-I’ll be fine, Izumo.” 

“Okay,” Izumo sighed as he stepped back. Kotetsu took his hand with a gentle squeeze. “We’ll see you Thursday then.” 

“Enjoy your pup, you two.” Cardinal gathered up the files and puttered aimlessly around the mission room, trying to look busy until he was sure they were both gone. Then, and only then, did he head for the records vault. 

The massive, titanium-reinforced seal was surrounded by several layers of barriers and wards. It took time to deactivate the barriers and trickle his chakra into the wards so they could be bypassed without blowing him up. Each one had to be reactivated behind him as he went. The level of security here was next to none, greatly outclassing even that surrounding the Hokage’s Office. It made sense if one stopped to consider the classified documents stored inside this vault. Personnel files of every shinobi to ever serve Konoha, past and present, files on missing-nin, scrolls of forbidden or highly classified techniques, blueprints outlying the emergency tunnels behind the Hokage Monument, clan techniques, mission reports, and the technicalities of Konoha’s fuuinjutsu barrier system. 

The vault’s interior held a musty smell that wrinkled his nose. Flipping on the dim light, he quickly stored the night’s mission reports in the appropriate cabinets and headed for the personnel files. The ones on regular forces were easiest to find, all neatly categorized alphabetically in cabinets designated by _ active duty, retired, _ or _ deceased. _

“Umino, Umino,” he mumbled under his breath, fingers flipping quickly through the **U **files. He’d never looked at his own file before. Searching it out now, after so long as an active shinobi, felt kind of surreal-

“What the?” His fingers hit the **V**s without finding his surname. That- that couldn’t be right. Doubling back, he rechecked the section thrice more and came up short each time. His file wasn’t here. That didn’t make any sense. Unless it was under Hatake? 

Crouching down, he quickly sifted through the **H** files next and- nothing! No Iruka Umino or Iruka Hatake. What the hell? Just to make sure, he ran through both sections a final time. No dice. His file wasn’t there. 

_ Strange. _

Could the medical staff still have it over at the hospital? He still received biweekly check-ups with Shizune. His file had to be in her possession, it was the only explanation. If anything serious had happened to breach the records vault, Kakashi would be informed. No matter, he only wanted Iruka-sensei’s file to sate his own curiosity. He’d check back for it another time. 

There were more important files to find. 

“Hold on, Hinoko, I’ll find you.” Iruka moved back to **A** section and slowly began the meticulous job of searching through files one-by-one. He had nothing more than his daughter’s birth date, name, and general appearance to go on. It made for slow going as he looked over each kunoichi file for anyone that even remotely matched the few details he had. The farther down the alphabet his search went, the more anxiety started to take root inside him.

Nothing!

Not a fucking thing!

Hinoko wasn’t amongst the active shinobi. 

Biting the inside of his cheek, Cardinal turned his search to the retired section. It was a long shot. Hinoko would only be sixteen. Kunoichi her age didn’t retire unless permanently disabled or found mentally unable to perform their duties. Neither was ideal, but it greatly outweighed the other possibility. 

_ Killed in Action. _

That possibility hung heavily over his head, becoming all the more a likely reality the farther down the alphabet his search took him. Tears gathered in his eyes, fear clenched his chest, making it hard to breathe. By the time his fingers hit the last file, Cardinal was openly crying. He’d come up empty-handed once again. 

Swallowed hard around the thick lump in his throat, he bit down on his bottom lip so hard, it drew blood. The metallic taste of copper filled his mouth. He had to know if she was really dead. Not knowing was a million times worse. He needed answers so he could mourn the loss and try to move on. 

Wallowing in grief, being stuck like this, wouldn’t do. Not when he had Houki to raise. There was someone else, the one shining beacon in this entire mess, that relied on him. He would be the best damn father he could to his son.

Houki would know about his big sister.

That was all he could do for his daughter now.

Cardinal’s hands were visibly trembling by the time they hit the first file in the_ deceased _ section. It was a fight to make it from one file to the next. Only sheer, stubborn will-power drove his search. He needed to know. His beautiful baby girl. By the time he hit the **K**s nausea churned in his stomach. He stopped several times, stepped away to inhale deeply until bile no longer crawled up his throat. 

“What happened to you, Sweetheart?” He scrubbed tears from his cheeks and dove back in. Cardinal lost track of how long he searched or how late it got. He couldn’t stop until he knew what became of her. Was it a quick death? Did she suffer? Was she killed in action, alone and far from home? Was her body recovered? Was there a grave?

His hands dropped from the rows of files. A stuttered breath slipped past his trembling lips. His vision tunnelled black around the edges. The world seemed to condense and then completely disappear until all that remained were the files before him. Cardinal stared straight ahead without seeing anything at all. 

No, this couldn’t be possible. It didn’t make any sense.

_ How? _

Hinoko didn’t have a file, not active, retired, or deceased. How was that possible?_ She’s not dead. My baby girl’s not dead. _The relief was short-lived and only added to the confusion. Had she never become a shinobi? The possibility never crossed his mind before. It didn’t seem probable, not with Hound as her sire. She’d take to chakra like a fish to water. 

With his mind reeling in utter disbelief, Cardinal turned to the vault’s restricted section. This was where all the S-ranked files were kept. Forbidden jutsu, records of prohibited experiments, ANBU and hunter-nin personnel files, and all information on missing-nin past and present. He drew in deep, steady breaths to keep from hyperventilating. 

This was the only option left. ANBU and hunter files, while alphabetical, were categorized under codenames. Once again, he started his search from the very beginning. His own file was the first one he came across. His, hunter-nin codename _Cardinal,_ the one thing besides his own memories that showed he ever existed.

The massive **KILLED IN ACTION **scrawled across the file's front cover in Hiruzen’s neat penmanship pulled a bitter chuckle from him. Of course, what an ingenious cover story. No one would question his sudden disappearance if he was killed on a mission. It was a move fit for the Hokage. It covered his fuck-up so neatly. 

The file slid into his satchel easily, nestled between his clipboard and the empty bento box Naruto and Houki brought him for supper. His heart clenched at the small comfort. He wanted to see his sons right now, to hold them both tightly and never let go. The temptation was harder to resist than he wanted to admit. 

He resumed his search, but the hunter-nin’s records offered no more answers. Still no trace of Hinoko. Cardinal was starting to wonder if this was a curse or a blessing. Only the missing-nin and ANBU personnel files remained. The possibility of her being an operative for either was even less than her being a civilian. 

Still, Cardinal skimmed the missing-nin records with quick precision. His fingers flew through the files with a desperation he hadn’t felt since the day he almost miscarried. Aoi’s missing-nin file was easy enough to locate. It slid into his satchel beside the other. Each minute that ticked by, each file he ruled out, left his hands shaking worse. It was almost a relief when he hit the last missing-nin file. Once more, there was nothing. No rogue kunoichi even remotely fit Hinoko’s description. That meant only one thing.

Hinoko was in ANBU. 

Cardinal didn’t know whether to laugh at the irony or cry. She’d unknowingly followed in her sire’s footsteps. He never wanted this life for his daughter. ANBU broke the best of shinobi. It had broken Hound. Under all the armour and carefully guarded secrets, Hound had been nothing but fractured, broken pieces of a once whole person strung together with a blind sense of duty and sheer stubborn force of will. He wanted a better life for his precious Hinoko than either of her parents had lived.

Yet, here he was at a precipice, unable to do more than search for answers to questions that shouldn't exist. With a heavy heart, he undid the extra level of wards protecting the ANBU files and dug in. ANBU codenames slowed his search to an agonizing crawl. There were no distinguishing traits to the monikers -nothing to indicate an operative’s age, gender or appearance until their file was actively looked through. 

It was frustrating, infuriating, discouraging, but the thought of finding his baby girl kept him going. His fingers hit a far too familiar name when he reached the **H** files. Cardinal inhaled sharply, his heart leaping into his throat. “...Hound.” He stared at the file in his hands, unable to believe what he was reading. Tears stung his eyes, threatening to spill over. Relief flooded through him, giving way to a giddy sort of disbelief. 

There it was, scrawled across Hound’s file in red ink. 

_ Retired. _

Hound was alive. 

Hinoko’s sire survived ANBU! 

He swallowed hard, dark eyes rereading the word over and over again. _ Retired. Alive. _ And Cardinal held Hound’s ANBU file in his hands. The key to answering every question he ever had about the man who gave him Hinoko was right here. 

That wonderful, complexly broken man who guarded his secrets like a rabid dog and held Cardinal like he was the only thing keeping him afloat. There could’ve been something there, under different circumstances, at a different time. He’d felt it, the connection, the pull. It would’ve been so easy to fall in love with Hound. 

He almost had.

But there’d been Aoi and Hinoko too. 

Hinoko, his beautiful angel, his sweetheart. 

A single tear rolled down his cheek as Cardinal slipped Hound’s file into his satchel with the other two._ It’s for Hinoko, _ he told himself even as his fingers lingered against Hound’s file, _ she deserves information about her sire if she wants to know. _ He couldn’t linger on ‘what ifs’ of the past, not when he was trying to build a life with someone else. Kakashi, his patient, supportive, amazing husband, deserved all of him. 

This file _ -Hound’s file- _ was just for Hinoko, for the closure.

He couldn’t let it be anything more. 

With a renewed resolve, Cardinal dug into the **I** s. He toiled through the rigours of his search, continually pushing down the mounting fear and anxiety with a strong resolve cultivated from his hunter-nin training. It wasn’t until the latter half of the **S** files that he hit a breakthrough. 

ANBU Soku’s file almost fell from his hands when he flipped it open. The young kunoichi that stared back at him from Soku’s ANBU registration photograph made his heart thunder to a sudden stop. Pale grey eyes, brown hair several shades lighter than his own and a no-nonsense, too-serious look that had no place on the face of one so young. He knew that expression, those facial features far too well. 

“...Hinoko.” The name fell from his lips as a barely controlled sob. Dropping to his knees, Cardinal traced her face with trembling fingers. There was no doubt about it. This was his Hinoko, his beautiful daughter. Her looks hadn’t changed from that stubborn, tiny force of nature he used to cradle in his arms.

His baby girl was alive!

Oh, but she wasn’t a baby any longer. Oh no, she’d grown into a splendid young kunoichi. Unable to stop himself, he hugged Hinoko’s personnel file to his chest and let himself cry. Broken wails filled the otherwise silent vault. All the fear, the anxiety, the uncertainty washed away with tears. Hinoko was alive, in ANBU, but alive and healthy. 

That was the best outcome he could’ve hoped for. 

Cardinal stared at her photograph, memorizing every detail of her face, from those piercing grey eyes to her soft brown hair, how she pulled it up in a ponytail, the ends spiked wildly in a way that reminded him too much of Hound. It was an older picture. She looked to be no more than twelve in it, though she’d be almost seventeen now. It didn’t matter. He didn’t care. A picture after so long felt like a blessing from the Sage himself. Love and pride weld up inside him. How he longed to have her back in his arms!

Unable to help himself, Cardinal flipped to her information page right then and there. While the picture was old, her vital statistics were up to date as of her last physical from four months ago. Settling cross-legged on the floor, he read over the information provided. 

He paused automatically at the very first line, anger flaring anew within him. Her name, his daughter had no recorded surname! That, in itself, was more than telling. Only unadopted orphans lacked a surname in Konoha. Had Hiruzen dumped his daughter in the orphanage and washed his hands of her?! 

“Umino,” he hissed between clenched teeth. “You’re Hinoko Umino.” That would be remedied quickly if he had any say in the matter.

The need to know more quickly outweighed his growing rage. His attention returned to his daughter’s file. Hinoko, codename Soku, a female alpha born September 15th. “Alpha, you’re an alpha,” he chuckled softly in disbelief. Female alphas were the rarest gender classification. Of course, Hound would sire such an incredible girl. 

“Still small despite being an alpha, I see.” Indeed, she was extremely petite for an alpha, standing at just over five feet two inches tall and weighing a willowy 110 pounds. Like most shinobi, most of that weight was probably muscle. His smile widened. He’d be able to tuck her head snugly beneath his chin. How incredible was that? 

Resting his chin in an upturned palm, Cardinal read on. According to her file, she’d been in ANBU for over seven years, having been recruited straight out of the Academy after creating a new jutsu completely on her own: The Chakra Needle. That was both terrifying spectacular and amazingly ingenious. His heart swelled with pride and ached for his baby girl at the same time. Another childhood lost- like his and Hound’s. 

“I wanted so much better for you, Sweetheart.” 

He read to the bottom of the page, slowly scrolling over the last bit of information -Hinoko’s next of kin. Against his expectations, this section wasn’t empty as he assumed it would be. Cardinal blinked in surprise, all colour draining from his face when he read the name and relationship status. 

_ His baby girl had a mate!! _

Not just a mate, an omega who was set to become the leader of Konoha’s largest, most controversial and influential Clan.

Hanabi Hyuuga. 

Hinoko was mated to the heiress of the Hyuuga clan. 

In a daze, Cardinal closed his daughter’s file and stored it in his satchel with the other three. His head swam with the new information, working to process everything as he reactivated the vault’s wards and barriers upon his exit. The four files were a heavy weight in his bag as he headed out of the Hokage Tower.

He’d found more than he’d ever dreamed possible. As soon as the opportunity presented itself, he’d go through each file with a fine-toothed come.

For now, however, Kakashi and Houki were waiting for him at home.

* * *

Having the files was a slim relief. It reminded Cardinal he had an ulterior purpose for working the mission desk. That was a damn good thing because the fucking jounin were driving him _ crazy! _ But there didn’t seem much he could do about it when it was just little, aggravating things. Tiny, intentional mistakes on mission reports. Small jokes just within earshot. Nothing to bring up to his fellow desk shinobi or Kakashi.

But the sheer, intolerable _ gall _ of a select few jounin who looked down on their Hokage’s spouse because they thought they could get away with intentional, rookie mistakes on their reports was surreal and ridiculous! He lost his memories, not his damn mind.

This was what the normal forces had become since he was a hunter-nin?

_ Pathetic. _

So what if desk shinobi lacked the same skills as the elites? They deserved respect. They knew every fucking secret about _ every _ shinobi in the damn _ village! _ Konoha was a machine that needed many people doing many different jobs to keep running. No one honestly expected to pull shit like this and get away with it right? Oh sure, these jounin might think they could, might think he wouldn’t saying anything to Kakashi (and they’d be right there), but they didn’t realize he could handle them on his own. 

He didn’t _ need _ the Hokage to fight his battles.

Not even with the particularly annoying, tokubetsu jounin Ebisu. That jerk was absolutely _ driving _ him up a wall! The guy had a way of acting overly familiar and patronizing all at the same time. Every altercation pushed Cardinal a little further up the proverbial glass and barb littered wall. It was only a matter of time before he snapped, and Cardinal knew it. Still, he held it together as long as he could, trying not to cause a scene.

Sage damn it, he was absolutely certain Ebisu was doing it on purpose! He wanted to rile up Iruka-sensei for some unexplained reason. Maybe just because it was Cardinal sitting behind the desk and not Iruka-sensei that Ebisu’s antics rubbed him the wrong way. It was hard to say. Whatever the reason, it didn’t matter. What concerned Cardinal was the fact the jounin intentionally ticked him off.

As frequently and as passive-aggressively as he could.

The spark that lit the fire happened on his eighth shift. Cardinal was minding a stack of reports to be filed and not attempting to pick a fight with the stupid asshole, when said stupid asshole picked the fight all on his own. The man’s report flopped unceremoniously onto the desk in front of him. When he opened it, the damn thing was written in crayoned code -very crude code, but that wasn’t the point.

Without a thought to the consequences, Cardinal flung it at the retreating shinobi’s back. The report burst open, forms and notes spilling out all over the floor like the guts from an overripe fruit. There were a few others waiting their turn in line, jounin and chunin alike. Every one of them froze when Ebisu pulled up short, the only sound in the room the flutter and rustle of falling papers.

“Do it again,” the words were ground out past clenched teeth. “You call that a properly done mission report? A shinobi of your calibre should be ashamed to bring something like that into this office. _Do. It. _ _ Again _.”

The dark-haired Ebisu was stiff, his back ramrod straight and his shoulders tense. His hands clenched into tight fists at his sides. When he turned, the cocky expression -so often painted across features overshadowed by a blue bandana and highlighted by round, dark glasses- was wiped away and replaced by something rock-hard. “Do it yourself,” he countered.

Hot, red anger spiked inside him. Cardinal’s Killing Intent was safely under lock and key, under controls he’d built up in training and missions this jerk wouldn’t have survived. But the smile that cut his lips was anything but sweet. It showed teeth that should have been a warning to the jounin. Apparently, it wasn’t though. Not even Cardinal’s simple, softly spoken, “I don’t think so,” seemed to get through that thick skull.

Scowling, Ebisu let loose a torrent of words he would regret. “I’m so sick of you acting all tough and bossing higher ranked shinobi around. The only reason any jounin ever pretends to respect you is because you’re fucking our Hokage. It’s high time you got off his cock and let everyone see you’re nothing without Naruto-kun and Hokage-sama to bail you out.”

“Funny, I don’t remember the last time I rode Kakashi’s cock. Maybe I’ll give it a try and tell you how it is.” His lips curled, pulling back just a little further in a sinister smile. It was the kind of expression from Cardinal’s past that would’ve made an opponent think twice about engaging him. Ebisu wasn’t that smart, it seemed. “In the meantime, respect the shinobi who work here and redo your report. Unless you want me to show you just how little I need my husband and son to help me.”

“Iruka,” his softly spoken name came from Genma, of all people. The jounin was standing at Izumo desk, his own report hanging limp in his hand and face bright red. “Maybe this isn’t the best place…”

“Yeah, maybe it’s not,” Ebisu snapped. “You really want to show me what you’ve got, then we should take this to the training grounds.”

“Alright,” Cardinal let this come out almost lazily. He flipped over a folder and tapped a pen on it. “Meet me at training ground 12 after my shift. I assume you know where that is, Ebisu? Or do you spend all your time harassing desk shinobi? I warn you, we bite.”

The asshole laughed, throwing back his head and braying mirth, as if Cardinal wasn’t giving every sign of threat there was beside Killing Intent. “Now this I gotta see. Sure, I’ll meet you at training ground 12, Iruka-sensei. Hah! Don’t be late!”

It was only after Ebisu was out of the building that Cardinal let his Killing Intent seep out. He let it leak out of his control for the rest of his shift and the remainder of the jounin handing in reports were remarkably well behaved.

That was probably for the best. Cardinal was in a mood where he wouldn’t have minded more than one fight on the training grounds. He didn’t get more than one, though. His shift passed without further incident, and when it was over, he passed off his work to his replacement and shunshined to training ground 12 alone. 

Ebisu was already out in the open meadow, grinning smugly and waiting for him. Several jounin and chunin, some he recognized from the mission room’s lineups, were littered about the periphery of the training grounds -scattered in the trees, along the fences, wherever a good vantage point could be found. 

Gossip still travelled fast in the upper ranks, it seemed. 

Cardinal stripped off his flak jacket and dumped it on the ground. For a shinobi to deliberately remove protection was a silent insult to their opponent. It screamed ‘you aren’t worth my time’. The furious look it brought to Ebisu’s face was worth the handicap alone. Cardinal vaulted over a training post and sauntered up to the bastard whose face he was about to rub in the dirt. “We need to discuss the terms of our fight.”

The jounin’s rage contorted back into a cocky grin at the words. “Scared to get a little dirty, Iruka-sensei?” 

Of course, the fool would treat that as a joke and not standard Konoha sparring etiquette. Cardinal didn’t think Ebisu was entirely a fool, so he still approached the fight with every intention of setting some ground rules. He didn’t know how Iruka-sensei fought. Limiting the potential for inconsistencies only worked in his favour with this many witnesses. 

“How about taijutsu only?” The suggestion came from a scarred jounin leaning casually against the fence at Genma’s side. Ah, his name was Raidou, right? He'd been at the bar with them the night he drank Anko under the table. “No chakra-enhanced strikes either. This isn’t training. We don’t want anyone getting hurt too badly.” 

Cardinal mulled the suggestion over before relenting. “Sounds good.” His body was still not as fit as he would like, but he had been in worse shape and come out on top.

“Come now, Raidou-san, do you really think an _ omega _ can give me a proper challenge with taijutsu alone?”

Oh, it was _ so _ on. 

Cardinal let his actions speak for him. He knew the dangers of making the first move, how it left a person open to observations and countermeasures. Counters were always tricky. A taijutsu master could lock their opponent in a hold and end the match before it even began. But Cardinal had the idea Ebisu was no master. Skilled, but no master. So, he threw himself forward, aiming a punch at the man’s jaw, coming in from the right.

Unexpectedly, Ebisu didn’t dodge the blow. He caught it in a soft block and stepped in close, almost face to face with Cardinal. A dangerous thing and an extra dangerous fighting style. Not a lot of room to maneuver and _ lots _ of ways to get tripped up.

But that went two ways, and Cardinal knew it. 

Fine. If Ebisu wanted it that way, he’d bring it. Before the man could throw a punch of his own, Cardinal started a series of close quarters kicks, aimed for Ebisu’s ankles and lower legs. Nothing higher than his knees. There wasn’t room for higher kicks and no need for them if there was. Some of a man’s most vulnerable spots were in the lower leg. A well-placed kick could break an ankle, crush a knee or bring a man down to end a match nice and easy.

Not that Cardinal expected the match to be nice and easy. If Ebisu liked to fight close, he’d damn well know how to block.

This assessment proved to be accurate. Ebisu turned aside every kick Cardinal tossed his way and delivered a few of his own. Combined with the kicks came a torrent of chops and punches. Cardinal blocked or dodged as many as he could, but as they danced around the training grounds, movements too fast to follow easily, he couldn’t get away from them all. 

And fuck Ebisu hit hard.

It seemed the man’s style was to get in close to unnerve his opponent and then overwhelm them with hard blows. All power over finesse -a brutish but effective combat style when used correctly.

They danced around each other for a while, exchanging blow for blow, assessing and adjusting with each powerful kick, punch, jab, hit. It was clear the man thought several moves ahead, despite his reliance on hitting smashing blows. Cardinal could almost see his mind working in each flicker of dark eyes behind his glasses. Ebisu didn’t hide his observations well enough. 

Two rounds across the training ground and Cardinal had the man figured out. Ebisu was a skilled tokujo, but he was both holding back and being cheeky. He clearly didn’t want to actually hurt the Hokage’s husband, just embarrass him. Did he really think Iruka-sensei was that outclassed? 

As skilled as he was, even at his best, Ebisu was not an elite. Not in the way Kakashi was or Asuma had been. He wasn’t ANBU class, not quite at the level of a standard jounin either. The tokubetsu rank existed for shinobi with skill levels like Ebisu.

Like himself. 

Going for the jounin rank had always been Cardinal’s goal, just like his parents. But shit happened, life happened. Having a baby young meant putting dreams on hold.

No, he’d just temporarily swapped one dream for another. 

And now? Well, he had a stuck-up tokujo to deal with.

But Cardinal wasn’t about to pound the man into the dirt until Ebisu was going all out. Anything less would be too unsatisfying. Cardinal wanted this to be_ extremely _ satisfying.

Block, counter, strike. 

Follow the natural steps of the battle until just the right moment presented itself. The moment when Ebisu backed up just a little to make room for a powerful blow. 

Then Cardinal made his move. With one hand he blocked the incoming attack, aimed for his left side, with the other he delivered a stunning palm to Ebisu’s chest. The move sent the tokujo stumbling back a few paces with a choked sound. Cardinal quickly closed the distance. One step, two, then an all-out roundhouse kick to the back of Ebisu’s head. The kind of roundhouse that didn’t allow for second guesses -held all his power and force.

Ebisu didn’t have a chance to dodge. 

He took the hit and went down hard, his face contorted in absolute, abject confusion. Cardinal closed the distance between them and crushed a foot down between the man’s shoulder blades. 

“What’s that taste, Ebisu?! It’s dirt! Fucking dirt! And unless you want to keep eating it, I suggest you get serious and fight me all out!” Cardinal punctuated the words with the slightest grind of his heel into Ebisu’s back. Just enough to let the man below him know who was in control and how pissed off he was. 

How dare the man incite him into a match and not give him the satisfaction of fighting to his full potential?! No way. Not an effing chance!

While Cardinal fumed, there was a stunned silence from the sidelines. A numb sort of _ what the hell just happened _ silence that was only broken when Raidou and Genma chuckled unexpectedly -the sound amused and dry all at once. Cardinal dared a glance at the two men. They were grinning knowingly.

“There’s your answer, Ebisu!” Raidou called.

“I think the _ omega _ is more than capable of giving you a proper challenge with taijutsu alone!” Genma added, his grin stretched wide around his senbon. “Stop messing around and fight why don’t you?”

A flush of pleasure and a wide grin stole over Cardinal’s features. Right about then, he decided he rather liked both of them. Raidou was a decent man and Genma good-natured. Unlike the irritating jackass under his heel. With a final grind of said heel into said jackass’s back, he leapt away a few paces on nimble feet so Ebisu could rise and fall into a stance.

The small space between them would be easy to cross with just a few steps. And, though Ebisu was quiet, his face said he wasn’t going to play around anymore. Bright red embarrassment and rage blended over the alpha’s dirt-smudged face.

It was a good look for the jerk. 

Cardinal slid naturally into a gekisai dai ichi kata -one foot before the other, hands raised, palms out, to block whatever the other man tried throwing his way. _ I’m going to make sure you stay down this time. _ The thought rang clear in the back of his mind while the forefront assessed his opponent.

Both of them moved at the same time, darting in to rain each other with a succession of kicks, punches, chops, and slashes. Their movements left afterimages trailing their hands and feet and the sound of displaced air in their wake. It was all so quick a genin wouldn’t have been able to track what was happening. But the gathered shinobi on the sidelines seemed to have no trouble. They began to shout encouragement and catcalls and the normal taunts heard at any really interesting fight.

Cardinal’s heart beat wildly with battle fury. The sound pounded in his ears like his own silent mantra. He hadn’t had a good fight in too damn long. He relished the chance to let go -to finally have a physical outlet. It was a thrill to not hold back, to expel the pent-up rage he’d been harbouring since waking up in the hospital missing fifteen years of his life. 

He channelled all the raw emotions he’d locked away -left to let fester inside him- into each pinpoint, accurate blow. The rage, sorrow, confusion, bitterness and grief, everything he’d lost, everything that was taken from him -his life, his youth, Hound, Hinoko- fueled each punch and kick like oil tossed on an open fire.

It was slow, hardly noticeable at first, but he pushed Ebisu back, gained an extra hit here and there. A brushing glance off a shoulder, a jap to the ribs, a kick to the thick meat of Ebisu’s outer thigh.

It was cathartic.

When the alpha took a misstep, tossed too daring a blow and left himself open, Cardinal almost mourned the mistake. It was a perfect opening, one his meticulously ingrained hunter-nin training wouldn’t let him pass up. One that would end the fight. He took a step back, let Ebisu come into his space, turned the incoming punch away with one arm, and smashed the side of his foot into the alpha’s ankle.

The blood drained out of his opponent’s face at the same time the crack rang out over the training field. Loud, dry, and clear enough to silence the hooting from the spectators. Everything went still before Cardinal could finish it with a punch to Ebisu’s gut. The man went down moaning. When he hit the ground, he curled in on himself, holding his throbbing center and favouring his broken ankle.

“Next time, do your fucking report right!” Cardinal snarled before spinning on his heel and retrieving his flak jacket. Tugging it on, he stomped from the training field without so much as a backwards glance. The gathered jounin and chunin parted for him, giving the fuming omega plenty of space.

Every nerve ending felt like it was alive and jittering inside him, his senses sharp and attuned. A small part of Cardinal knew it was the adrenaline high from the fight. It was… not quite relief. Satisfaction maybe? Pleasure? A sense of accomplishment? His feet hit the payment before he realized where he’d instinctively headed. 

The Hokage Tower.

_ Kakashi... _

He stopped short and scrubbed a hand over his flushed face. “Shit,” he cursed under his breath. 

He wanted his mate. 

_ Shit, shit, shit! _

He’d just won his first fight, on his own skills and merit, since this whole mess began. For the first time in too long, he felt like himself. Cardinal. Iruka Umino. He was Iruka Umino - hunter-nin, loyal shinobi of Konoha, son of Ikkaku and Kohari Umino, husband of the Rokudaime Hokage Kakashi Hatake and father to Naruto Uzumaki, Hinoko Umino and Houki Hatake.

He wanted to share that with his husband. He wanted to share all of himself with Kakashi. The primordial part of his hindbrain buzzed with satisfaction. 

Yes, his alpha. 

Kakashi was_ his_. 

With a devilish smile curling his lips, Iruka formed a ram seal and disappeared in a whirl of leaves. The familiar pull on his chakra flickered from inside him, engulfing him in a comforting kind of way. Wards buzzed around him as ancient as the village itself. 

The world came back into focus centred on his husband’s startled, confused face. “Iruka? What-?” 

The force of Cardinal’s descent toppled them right out of the Hokage’s chair. His landing was cushioned by Kakashi’s chest. The Hokage Hat skidded across the floor. Those gaudy, white Hokage robes billowed around them, almost enveloping his legs from where he straddled his husband’s hips. 

Cardinal was only vaguely aware of the other chakra signatures in the room, elevated and already moving to attack. Kakashi flashed two ANBU hand signs he barely caught. _ Halt. Retreat. _ He knew them well, used them himself as a hunter-nin that regularly partnered with ANBU on S-rank assignments. 

At that moment, he didn’t care. It didn’t matter. Not even when the chakra signatures diminished and retreated beyond the wards. He knew they would hover just outside -waiting and watching for the signal to return to their posts. ANBU guard. Kakashi at work. Shikamaru red-faced and white-knuckled from his grip on the office door, before he stepped back and pulled it closed abruptly.

Nothing mattered but him and his mate. 

His beautiful alpha peered up at him, face masked with his usual lazy apathy. He could see the curiosity and concern so carefully hidden behind those grey eyes. “Mah, you know I prefer to be swept off my feet over knocked from my chair. A distraction at work is more than welcome, however.”

With a possessive growl, Cardinal tugged his husband’s mask down to his chin and kissed him roughly. His alpha stiffened beneath him for the slightest of seconds, a slow inhale the only indication to just how utterly thrown he truly was. Then, a soft sigh, the gentlest parting of lips and Kakashi all but melted beneath him.

Only Cardinal didn’t want gentle, he didn’t want tenderness. His fingers curled into the white robes, mouth demanding more when he forced his alpha’s lips to part, giving him more, more, _ more! _ His tongue dipped between those parted lips, past sharp fangs to taste and savour. Gloved hands slid up his back, fisted into his unbuckled flak jack. Their tongues twined, fighting for dominance. 

The nerves jittering just beneath his skin ignited and caught ablaze. When he pulled back from that kiss, Cardinal was sure the fire inside him burned clearly in his eyes. “I want you, Kakashi, fuck me.”

“Ru… Iruka-” The words were broken and showed just how much he’d caught his alpha off guard, but Cardinal didn’t let Kakashi have time to second guess.

“I want you,” he reiterated and shoved his mouth down over the Hokage’s, hands moving to grip and intertwine with his husband’s own. It was natural to bring their hands up over Kakashi’s head and to nip his alpha’s lips, playful but hard enough to bruise. 

Natural and oh so right.

_ My alpha, he’s mine_ played through the back of Cardinal’s mind -like a broken record caught on loop. His pants grew uncomfortably tight from his arousal. Slick had already dampened his briefs. He ached for this man in a way he'd only ever wanted Hound before. "You’re mine."

“Always,” Kakashi murmured against his lips in agreement. The grey eyes staring up at him went dark, pupils blown wide with arousal. 

Something darkly and sinisterly satisfying curled in the pit of his stomach. The adrenaline-fueled fire inside him ignited into an uncontrollable inferno. Releasing Kakashi’s hands, he pushed at the white Hokage robes, shoving fabric up and aside to reveal the sleek, black uniform Kakashi wore beneath. His husband’s hands gripped his hip, fingers digging through the thick, shinobi-grade material of his pants hard enough to bruise.

Cardinal’s hips ached from each point of contact. The pure, raw strength in that hold left him shuddering. He could almost feel Kakashi’s hesitance, his uncertainty teetering on the edge of his self-control. “This isn’t like you, Iruka.”

“Funny.” The omega bit down on his mate’s cloth-covered neck. “I feel more like myself now, than I have in ages.” Smoothing a palm over Kakashi’s stomach, he slipped a hand down the front of the alpha’s pants. Tanned fingers curled around his husband’s cock -already hard and aching. A firm stroke pulled a string of curses from Kakashi that made Cardinal preen like a smug feline. “Do you have any idea what you do to me, Kakashi?” the question smouldered heavy and hot between them. 

He didn’t wait for Kakashi’s response, simply released the iron-clad hold on the chakra he had keeping his scent meticulously under wraps. He was always careful with his scent, very aware of how it often fluctuated with his dual water and fire chakra affinities. While he favoured suiton jutsu, he had no clue if Iruka-sensei did as well. It always seemed too much of a risk before. What if Kakashi noticed the difference? 

Now, the worry felt like nothing more than an unnecessary fret. Russet eyes remained fixed on Kakashi’s face, watching his husband’s every reaction as the Hokage’s office filled with his omegan scent -thick with his arousal and desire. He’d always had a striking scent -pomegranate, a tart sweetness. Tangier than the soft appeal of traditional omega scents. 

Kakashi full-body shuddered beneath him yet again. His jaw clenched; teeth gritted together so hard Cardinal heard the grind. His pupils slit like a feral wolf, a half-suppressed growl rumbled in the alpha’s chest. 

_ “Alpha,” _ he crooned, the final fray needed to snap his mate’s self-control. 

They reached for each other at the same time, lips and teeth clashing, hands rough and demanding. Clothes were pushed aside, left to bunch awkwardly around their legs, ribs, and hips. It didn’t matter as long as they weren’t in the way. Nothing mattered but the feel of his mate beneath his palms. Nothing but that and the wholeness blooming in Cardinal’s chest. 

His mate. 

_ His. _

Growling, Cardinal sunk his teeth into his husband’s shoulder, right through his shirt and the mesh armour that laid beneath. Nimble fingers made quick work of the belt holding his weapon holster in place. A jerk of the zipper parted Kakashi’s custom made flak jacket. The thick material was pushed apart, the shirt beneath shoved up to his ribs. A guttural groan slipped between Kakashi’s tightly clenched teeth when Cardinal took his hands again and leaned down, weight balanced on his husband’s palms. 

The mesh armour was still in place, offering delectable glimpses of pale skin beneath. Working his way down the Hokage’s stomach, he left a series of hickeys, bite marks, and bruises in his wake. Sitting back, Cardinal slid down Kakashi’s lap slightly, hands still interlocked with his husband’s for balance. “Kakashi, My alpha,” he cooed darkly. With a skilled twist of his hips, he unceremoniously dropping down unto his husband’s hard cock.

“Fuck, Iruka!” Kakashi caught his breath, back arching up in a pretty curve that made Cardinal groan with pleasure. 

Sage help him, Kakashi felt fantastic. The alpha’s cock stretched him open, left him feeling almost too full. He felt his inner walls clench as he shifted and rolled his hips, working to take every inch of his alpha inside him. Heat flared inside him, coiled tightly through his loins. 

He couldn’t stop the moans when they came, he didn’t want to. Not when he saw what they did to his mate. Kakashi’s entire face flushed, pale skin glistening with perspiration. His taut muscles flexed and trembled, hands gripping tight to Cardinal’s own. _ Oh, yes_. His alpha enjoyed the feel of him _ immensely_.

He began to rock in his alpha’s lap, then raised up in an agonizingly slow slide and dropped back down again in a steady, precarious rhythm. Panting heavily, Kakashi pulled hands away quickly. He tore his fingerless gloves off, then wove their fingers together again to give Cardinal something to hold on to.

Only-

A glint of gold caught Cardinal’s eye. 

-a simple band encircled Kakashi’s ring finger. _ A wedding ring. _ The thought flashed through his mind and a spike of pain cut across his skull, starting at the place the kunai had pierced him and radiating out over his eyes to blind him. 

_ The gold glinted as it slid over pale skin and fixed into place like it was always meant to be there. Mismatched eyes met his own and held when he looked up -full of love, tenderness, disbelief. The Sharingan's tomoe spun lazily, a sign the exchange was being recorded, forever cemented into his new husband’s memories. Pristine, complete recollection. Warmth, love, happiness, spread through him and left his vision swimming. _

_ The matching ring glittered on his own finger when their hands intertwined as they had so many times before. As they would so many more times to come. _

_ There was murmuring around him, excited voices, instructions being spoken, but all he cared about, all that mattered was standing right before him. Kakashi’s voice echoed around him, enveloped him in the silent, gentle affection he’d come to adore. “With this ring, I take you as my own, for now, and henceforth.” _

_ The tears spilled over then, dampening his cheeks and dripping off his chin. He didn’t try to wipe them away, not when doing so meant letting go of the man he loved. The one he’d given his heart to. The matching vows tumbled from his own lips; a jumble lost in the beauty of Kakashi’s eyes curved with happiness. _

_ Blocking their faces with the bouquet, his new husband tugged his mask down just enough to seal their lips together in a silent promise -one of sincerity and fledgling hope. _

With a startled cry, Cardinal tilted forward, his weight pressing completely onto Kakashi’s hands. His husband took the added burden with steady ease. Cardinal shook as his vision swam and clouded. He couldn’t have held himself up if he’d tried. “K-Kakashi, that ring,” he breathed out.

“What about it?" Kakashi’s fingers gripped his harder, a little desperately. “Are you alright?”

Gasping, Cardinal jerked up straight in his husband’s lap. His stomach twisted painfully. The tears spilled over, quickly wetting his cheeks. He tilted their clasped hands just enough to see the gold band. “...With this ring, I take you as my own, f-for now and henceforth...”

Kakashi’s scent darkened, the spicy aroma thickening and mixing with his own sweet tang. “Y-You remembered our wedding vows?” The question was so, so hopeful, but cautious and tentative. The alpha’s eyes watered.

His chest constricted, shallowing his breaths to quick puffs. His hands trembled in Kakashi’s grip as his mind struggled to integrate the new memory into his reality. “I… It’s…” He swallowed again. The tears felt like they were choking him. “W-Where’s mine?”

His alpha blinked surprised and slightly confused eyes. “Yours?”

“My ring, where’s my ring, Kakashi?” The words tumbled from his lips unthinkingly. He certainly wasn’t considering what he was saying. His mind caught on the impossible fact it never occurred to him he was married but not wearing a wedding band. “I… I want it back,” he all but whimpered, leaning more heavily into Kakashi’s supporting hands, gripping tighter to those fingers and the gold encircling one of them.

Oh, it hurt so much. The memory, the missing time, the longing and wanting. This was _ his _ alpha, _ his _ husband, and he had misplaced the symbol of their union. Now, he _ wanted _ something tangible to prove the man below him was _ his and his alone. _

Beneath him, Kakashi’s eyes first widened, then flicked down his chest, as if looking for something. Those gray orbs kept darting around until Cardinal understood. His husband was looking at one of the pockets in his flak jacket. “K-Kashi?” he questioned, wearily releasing one of his husband’s hands when the alpha tugged it gently.

Kakashi pulled the zippered pocket open. “Sakura gave me your wedding ring while you were in surgery. I’ve... I’ve been hanging onto it.” He held up a gold band matching the one he wore. “It just never seemed like a good time to give it back. So, I kept it in case you ever asked...”

Looking up into Cardinal’s eyes, he held the band out. Tears trickled down the alpha’s cheeks, though he tried for composure. Cardinal couldn’t even try. He wept openly, droplets dripping off his chin. With trembling fingers, he reached out toward that bit of gold. Somehow, his husband slid the ring on his finger, even while their bodies remained tied up with each other in the most intimate way.

“I’m yours, Iruka,” Kakashi repeated, once the ring was firmly set on his finger. “Always, for now, and henceforth.”

The words made Cardinal break down completely. Sobbing, he doubled over in his husband’s lap and clung desperately to the one hand they still held tangled together.

“Oh, Ru. Shh, I’ve got you,” Kakashi murmured. He flipped them over in one motion so fluidly tender, Cardinal didn’t even know it happened until he was on his back. Then his alpha was kissing away his tears and leaving a path of gentle kisses along his jaw and neck.

If the moments before the memory flash were all fire and pent-up passion, this was all sweetness, months of held back desire, and soft, pure devotion. The kind that lingered deep and held on when everything else let go. Somehow, he and Kakashi were helping each other shed what was left of their clothes, until they were both bare and completely skin to skin. Nothing between. Nothing at all. Just them. Kissing, caressing, touching each other everywhere their hands could reach. Exploring as if they’d never known each other this way before.

They rocked together in a subtle but increasing rhythm. Kakashi whispered affections quietly against his feverish skin. “I love you. I love you so much. You mean everything to me.” Over and over again, the assurance of love. Cardinal’s tears kept flowing, but he didn’t care, he couldn’t stop them if he wanted to.

Time and sensation slipped together and centred completely on the man holding him, kissing him, those calloused hands smoothing over his thighs, legs, and ribs. Kakashi shifted his hips just so and struck just the right place so deep inside him, Cardinal was sure he saw stars. Groaning, he turned his face into his husband’s sweat-slick neck. 

His nerves seemed to buzz alive beneath his skin, an overwhelming flow of trust and desire for his mate. Blunt nails dug into Kakashi’s back, ranked down pale skin. Something nigged at the back of his mind, a subtle encouragement he lacked the wherewithal to resist. “Alpha, please,” he gasped breathlessly, unsure exactly what he was asking for but knowing instinctively he yearned for something only Kakashi could give him. 

Kakashi’s response came in a rumbling growl that was purely, primally alpha. “Fuck, Iruka.” 

He suddenly found himself pressed prone to the Hokage’s robe; legs held firm around his mate’s hips. A particularly hard thrust sank Kakashi so deep inside him, Cardinal’s back arched. Pressure built against his rim then pressed in, pushing him open, filling him so utterly and completely all he could do was cry out against his husband’s shoulder. 

Kakashi had just-

Th-They were-

He whimpered and shook in his mate’s arms. Every fibre of his being felt blown apart and only Kakashi’s strong grip and gentle kisses were capable of rebuilding him. Tears clung to his lashes. Kakashi overwhelmed every one of his senses until all he could see, all he could feel, all he could think about was the alpha locked inside him. 

All words fled him, leaving only heady moans and soft gasps in their wake. Cardinal could barely think, barely breathe with his husband so intimately intertwined with him. Pale hands smoothed over his hips and behind, keeping them unbearably close together. 

The entire time, Kakashi kept murmuring loving endearments against his skin and lips. _ I love you, Iruka, I love you _, the words floated through his mind in a pleasurable haze, even as his hands caught his husband’s and held firm once again. 

He teetered on the edge of ecstasy for some time, caught in the all-consuming grip of his husband’s love. It all coiled inside him, too much yet not enough, until Kakashi bit his shoulder, just above his collar bone. It should have felt rough, should have felt harsh, but it didn’t. It was like everything he needed compressed to that point of pain and pleasure shared with his mate.

Crying out, Cardinal came hard, locking around his mate’s knot. As if they were joined even in that, Kakashi followed close behind, filling him with warmth and final fulfillment. A warbling cry rippled from his throat, and he clung to Kakashi with a feverish ferocity. It felt like letting go would rip him apart at the seams or lock him up and drag him down, the way he had been trapped for so long in Hiruzen’s seal. 

“Don’t…D-Don’t let me go. Please, Kakashi.”

“I won’t, Ru, I have you.” His alpha’s arms coiled around him, holding him even closer than the knot still binding them intimately together. 

Holding _ him _ . Cradling _ him _ . Treasuring _ him _ as if he were the most precious thing in the world. 

And that… 

That kept Iruka together.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woot, woot! Have a chapter, my dears! Eternal and I are pleased to present you smut and fluff! Enjoy!

With a soft groan, he stretched, fingers and toes curling and back arching. Every bit of him was sore, especially below the belt. Another light moan escaped his throat at the thought. Cardinal hadn’t even opened his eyes yet, but he didn’t need to. He knew very well where he was. He was in his and Kakashi’s bed and he was butt naked.

Oh yes, everything ached. It all ached in that weird, delightful way that followed a real good, thorough fucking. The last few hours were a pleasurable blur of exploration and reconnection. On impulse, he rolled over, seeking the body that should be next to him. His hand hit empty sheets still slightly warm to the touch. Kakashi was up, but he hadn’t gone far. 

He could hear the slightest movement from down the hall. Ah, his husband was in the kitchen. That made sense. After last night, Kakashi must be starving.

Flopping onto his back, Cardinal scrubbed a hand down his face. He could feel heat burn in his cheeks and steadily spread until his ears began to tingle. Last night. Holy hell  _ last night.  _ During his time as a hunter-nin, he’d had his fair share of sexcapades, but nothing quite like that outside his heat. 

His intentions of a quickie in the Hokage’s office had rapidly gone to the wayside. It wasn’t that the sex was particularly raunchy or inventive. It was the  _ intensity.  _ Every kiss, every touch felt like it called to his very soul. 

Cardinal never felt anything like it before. 

The closest had been with Hound. 

But last night with Kakashi… They had shunshined from the Hokage’s office to their bedroom and not left it since. Everything after had been a confused tangle of limbs and moans and finding every inch of skin they both could reach from whatever position they found themselves in. Until they’d both become exhausted and fallen asleep wrapped up in each others’ arms. It was kind of surprising Kakashi had managed to slip out of bed without Cardinal’s noticing.

But then, he’d slept like the dead for once. No nightmares, none, for the first time in months. It felt almost surreal not to wake up screaming or crying. He’d… just slept and it felt wonderful.

“Good morning, did you sleep well?” The light clink of ceramic drew him from his thoughts. Sitting up against the pillows, he accepted the steaming mug Kakashi held out to him. 

“Surprisingly, yes.” Nursing the mug between his palms, Cardinal took a moment to admire the lean muscle and a plethora of scars scattered across his husband’s bare skin. The Rokudaime Hokage looked almost sinful in low-riding pyjama pants and nothing else. Such a beautiful view he took immense pleasure in. “I think it’s the best sleep I’ve had in months.” 

The bed shifted as Kakashi slid onto the mattress beside him. A pale arm encircled his shoulders. Leaning into his husband’s side, he sipped the steaming liquid. Oolong tea with a hint of jasmine -his favourite. How thoughtful. 

Kakashi let him relax and sip the tea for a while, not saying anything and just letting his fingers trace a trail up and down Cardinal's inner thigh. Not the least bit suggestive, that touch was just thoughtless. A tiny form of absent intimacy, a recognition of everything that happened the night before without words attached to it. Perhaps it should have rankled Cardinal’s nerves they were suddenly this close but… somehow he couldn’t bring himself to feel anything but contentment.

Maybe the sleep had put him more at ease than he first thought… Or, well, the sex. Damn. That had been an interesting night.

Cardinal’s reminiscing was interrupted, once more, by his husband speaking softly, “so, care to explain how we got here?” Kakashi motioned to the bed with a wave of his hand. “Not that I’m complaining. Getting jumped in my office is just unexpected.” 

His cheeks flushed, despite himself. “I just- That- Uh...” Downing the rest of his tea, Cardinal sat the empty mug aside. “I wanted to be with you. Do you need more of an explanation?”

Silver brows raised towards his husband’s hairline. “No, as I said, it was just unexpected. You’re my husband, I love you and I love being with you. I’m just making sure there are no regrets over what happened.” A chaste kiss brushed across the indented scar in the middle of his forehead. “I almost lost you once, I never want to go through that again.”

Something, warm and a little painful twisted in his chest. Swallowing hard, Iruka’s gaze shifted to the wedding ring on his finger. “I’m not going anywhere, Kakashi. Like hell, I’m letting anyone interfere with our lives again.” The double meaning behind the declaration weighed heavily on his shoulders. “This is right where I want to be. Like you said, unexpected, but no regrets.” 

Humming softly in thought, Kakashi slowly laced their fingers together. “...Do you trust me?” The slight hesitance spoke volumes beyond the simple question. 

“I wouldn’t have let you knot me if I didn’t,” he answered bluntly. Sex never embarrassed him in the past, to hell if he’d start acting like a blushing virgin about it now. Kakashi’s suddenly red face made it clear he didn’t have the same viewpoint. The poor guy resembled an overly ripe tomato. Chuckling, Cardinal poked his husband’s cheek. “Do you realize you’re only the second alpha to ever knot me?” 

His husband shrugged offhandedly. “We’ve never discussed our sexual history at length. We decided since we were both medically cleared, the past didn’t matter.” If the change in topic caught Kakashi off-guard, he didn’t show it. “You’re the only person I’ve been with in over fifteen years.” 

His heart did a strange double-beat Cardinal chose to ignore. “I can understand that.” He turned their joined hands over to get a better look at Kakashi’s wedding ring. “...Would you hold it against me if I told you some things now?” 

“No.” Kakashi cradled his face in one large hand. The electrical undertone of his spicy scent was oddly soothing. “As long as you know it’s not an obligation.” 

“Take it as a show of trust.” Rolling them over, he balanced himself in his alpha’s lap. “My team ran honeypot missions when I was younger. I spent my fourteenth birthday on one, actually. We killed so many pedophiles, I lost track after a while. Our crowning achievement was bringing down a whole child sex trafficking ring.” Cardinal’s gazed hovered on his husband’s chest, even as he felt Kakashi stiffen beneath him. It had to be a surprise to learn the squeaky clean Iruka-sensei had such a sordid past. “I went through my first heat undercover. It was terrifying. I don’t know what I would’ve done without my teammates.” Tears brimmed in his eyes. 

“...Iruka.” 

“No, just shut up and listen.” His voice cracked, vision blurred. “We were together for years, running those fucking missions until it felt like we were going to break. Maybe that was the point, to see if we’d break.” He laughed bitterly as the first few tears slipped down his cheeks. “My teammates meant everything to me.”

Pale fingers gently brushed the tears away. Cardinal still didn’t lift his gaze. He couldn’t at the moment. Everything felt too heavy. Yet, it was so relieving to be able to say the words to someone. “Have you ever slept with a teammate, Kakashi?” 

His husband’s hands slid into his hair and let the brown strands twist around his fingers. “I presented when I was twelve.”

“What?” His gaze raised to Kakashi’s face and found it damp with tears. “Oh, Kakashi, that’s so young.”

Kakashi shrugged a shoulder. “My first rutt was with my teammate, Obito. He was a year older than me. We didn’t get along, fought like cats and dogs, but he was there when I needed him. Obito died less than a month later.” His hands slowly brushed across Cardinal’s nape and shoulders. “Then there was Genma before he and Gai mated. Tenzou and I were lovers for three years as teenagers, but we both started having feelings for other people so we called it off.” His adam’s apple bobbed thickly when he swallowed. “...There was a hunter-nin on a mission. We were involved on and off until he died.” 

Cardinal inhaled sharply. An image of Hound flashed before his eyes. That hit a little too close to home. “Did you love him, your hunter-nin?” 

“As much as I was able to at the time.” Kakashi’s hand fell to rest against his hip. “Did you love your teammates?”

“I did, I think part of me always will.” Pain stabbed through his heart, every bit as raw and bitter as that first day. “Talking about them hurts, but having you here makes it better.” 

“I was in a dark place. I learned of his death through village gossip. For a while, I didn’t care if I lived or died.” 

Iruka bit his bottom lip. He knew that frame of mind all too well. He heard the whispers about  _ Friend-Killer Kakashi, Cold-Blooded Kakashi  _ and believed them as much as the next person. Oh, how wrong he was. Looking at the man splayed so trustingly beneath him, being so open and honest. He couldn’t equate those vicious titles with his husband. “Something brought you out of that mindset. What was it?” 

“You.” Smiling softly, Kakashi brushed his fingers along Cardinal’s jaw. “You did, Iruka.” 

Cardinal’s chest clenched painfully. His vision swam, but he could see every ouch of love Kakashi held for him in those soft, grey eyes. Slowly, tentatively, he leaned down to claim his husband’s mouth. Lips parted beneath his readily, pliantly. That one motion carried more trust and affection than he’d experienced in far too long. The kiss gentled farther until Iruka felt like he was melting bonelessly into his husband. “You’ve shown me how much you love me over and over again, Kakashi.” He murmured against the alpha’s lips. “Let me show you how much you mean to me this time.” 

“I just want to be with you,” Kakashi responded, his fingers stroking through Cardinal’s loose hair again. “There’s no ultimatums or obligations attached to that.” 

The words made Cardinal’s heart stutter just the tiniest fraction. “I know, Kakashi, I  _ want  _ to do this. You asked if I trusted you, but you trust me too, right?” 

“Always.”

Fuck, the deep-seated faith his alpha was offering him was going to be his undoing. It felt like, well like something Cardinal didn’t know how to describe. When was the last time someone had trusted him like that? When had _ he _ trusted someone like this in turn? Biwako? His teammates? Hound? A lot of his trust was crushed when Aoi-

_ No, fuck that thought! _

Cardinal tossed it from his mind with the ferocity only the truly scorned and betrayed could feel. He would have time to  _ deal _ with all that damn baggage later.  _ This _ moment was only for him and his mate.

Nuzzling his nose into Kakashi’s neck he drew in the scent he was beginning to know so well. The smell of sharp  electric tang and delicious alpha spice.  _ His _ alpha. “Can I do something, Kakashi? I’m still sore from last night, but I want to make you feel good.”

“Yes.” Was the response. His husband’s hands slid over his back. Light, teasing. Hungry. “I want you, Iruka.”

Cardinal pressed a kiss to Kakashi’s neck, making him shiver at the contact. “I want you to turn over.”

The alpha gave him a quizzical look as Cardinal slid off his lap, but he did what was asked without question. Cardinal was amazed by the expanse of pale skin spread out below him when Kakashi settled into the soft sheets. Every inch of his husband was so beautiful. Sage help him, he wanted to taste this man. Every last inch of him. That pale skin, marred only by an expanse of aging scars, was too tempting to ignore.

Heart thrumming, Cardinal reached to caress his husband’s thighs. His hands slid up the smooth flesh to the swell of Kakashi’s ass. He kept the touch soft and tentative, eliciting a startled inhale from the man under him. This made Iruka’s lips curve in a pleased smile. It was so good to hear Kakashi make sounds for him,  _ because  _ of him. He let his fingers drift over his mate’s hindquarters, sinking slowly down his ass and spreading him open at the same time. Before he could second guess himself and give Kakashi a moment to do the same, he dropped his head and started passing his tongue over the alpha’s entrance.

Kakashi gasped at the first movement of Cardinal’s tongue and why wouldn’t he? This wasn’t exactly something most alpha’s were used to. By nature, alphas were more dominant during sex. It was as instinctual as providing and caring for their partner. 

As often as it was wonderful to be taken care of, there were times Iruka wanted to take that role. Right now, all he wanted was to take the tiniest fraction of control and care for his mate. To show Kakashi how much he meant to him, how grateful he was for this man who’d been nothing but patient and supportive. He wasn’t sure how Iruka-sensei showed affection and frankly, he didn’t want to know. He wanted to please Kakashi as himself -as Cardinal- and this was how his body called him to do it -with a play of tongue on Kakashi’s most sensitive areas and gentle caresses across pale, trembling flesh.

Gently and slowly enough for Kakashi to know exactly what he intended, Cardinal ran his tongue over and around his husband’s rim, mildly teasing the sensitive ring of muscle. Every move he made and every place he touched was light and easy, allowing the man under him every opportunity to move away or otherwise break contact. But, though Kakashi offered more shocked exhales and desperate squirms, he didn’t try to pull away or say to stop. Instead, he rubbed his face into the pillows and fisted the sheets in his hands.

Though the pillows muffled Kakashi’s pleasured cries, it was still enough for him to hear. Each gasp and moan was like a shot of liquid satisfaction. Heat curled delightfully in his stomach. Every sound, every shift and tremble,  _ he  _ caused.

Cardinal almost lost himself in the taste and scent of his husband, until suddenly one of the hands Kakashi balled in the sheets stretched out at his side instead and reached for him.

“I-Iruka.”

Stopping what he was doing, Iruka wove his fingers through the other man’s. “I’m here, Kakashi. I have you,” he assured and nuzzled his face into one of his alpha’s cheeks, “Is this alright? Should I stop?”

“No,” his alpha said, voice rough and holding a heady edge. “Don’t stop. It feels good.”

Pleased, a rumble worked its way up Cardinal’s throat, almost like a purr. With a swelling elation in his chest, he lowered his head back to his work. A little more sure of himself this time, and just a hint more passionate in his ministrations. It wasn’t long before his exploring tongue had Kakashi positively writhing on the bed, jerking and murmuring incoherently in a daze. 

Not wanting to push Kakashi too far without gratification, Cardinal eased off, took his fingers from his mate’s grasp, and ran his hands lovingly over his husband’s ass. Then he hooked his hands under those beautifully defined hips and urged his alpha up into all fours. One hand slid around the tantalizing angle of hipbone and down to Kakashi’s hard, weeping cock, making him shudder and pant. The other hand lingered on his husband’s backside before gliding between Kakashi’s asscheeks to press against his wet entrance.

“Kakashi. Can I… Would you be alright if I fingered you?”

Kakashi’s heavy breathing stuttered. Cardinal waited silently, just stroking his mate’s member with languid care, working him up to his inevitable orgasm. The answer to his question was a little unexpected when it came.

“I- Yes! F-Fuck yes!”

Permission granted or not, Iruka went slow. Trailing kisses over Kakashi’s tailbone and the sides of his thighs, he murmured “I have you,” in quiet refrain before letting his fingers sink into that tight warmth. It wasn’t surprising how tightly Kakashi clenched down on his fingers. It took only a few shallow twists and trusts for him to cum.

Moaning, Kakashi spilled over Cardinal’s fingers and went decidedly limp. It was all he could do to untangle his hands and wrap them around the other man in time to keep him from face planting into the pillows. Holding Kakashi’s panting, sweaty body against his felt…  _ so right.  _ Kissing his mate’s neck, Iruka eased them both down to the bed. 

They stayed like that, cuddled in a silent tangle of limbs, long after the sun fully rose. 

* * *

Settling at the kotatsu, he read over the information in his daughter’s personnel file for the seventh time. With Kakashi at work and the house to himself, he didn’t need to worry about sneaking around with the  _ borrowed  _ files. No matter how often he returned to the snippets of information, it never felt like enough. He wanted  _ -needed- _ to know more about her, but there was only so much to glean from a few pieces of paper. 

It lacked the most important information. Besides being a very capable kunoichi, what kind of person had Hinoko grown into? What was she like? Her strengths? Her weaknesses? What did she like for breakfast? What was her favourite colour? How had she met her mate? What did she do during her free time? Every little aspect was important because it made up the person his baby girl became. 

He couldn’t stop himself from returning to her picture. Over and over again, he traced her face with his fingers, studied every detail of the old photograph until he knew it by heart. Tears blurred his vision to slip slowly down his cheeks. If his Hinoko was this lovely as a preteen, he could only imagine how beautiful she was now. 

Iruka didn’t want to keep imagining. He wanted to know. 

Flipping to the record of her completed missions, he scanned the summarized glossary. For the last four years, there was a biweekly pause in field missions. Almost like clockwork. He knew from experience ANBU with this kind of record were most likely in rotation for the Hokage Guard. That gave him the perfect opportunity to get her one-on-one.

It shouldn’t be too out of character for the Hokage’s spouse to directly address ANBU. Biwako had done it all the time during Hiruzen’s tenure as Sandaime Hokage. Mostly during a shift change, for whatever reasons she’d had.

A fond ache twisted in his chest. Biwako had been a force to be reckoned with. A skilled medic with a sharp wit, unwavering moral compass and a terrifyingly stubborn temper not even Hiruzen dared disobey. The Sarutobi Matriarch ran the clan with an iron fist and oh, how he’d loved her so.

Biwako’s death weighed as heavily on his soul as the loss of his biological parents had. 

So that was it, that’s what he would do. On ANBU Soku’s next guard duty rotation, he’d discretely pull her aside at the end of her shift and-

-well, some things couldn’t be planned. He didn’t know her enough to accurately predict how she’d react. All he could do was hope for the best.

That, and perhaps ease the tension with information any orphaned shinobi with a healthy sense of paranoia couldn’t pass up. 

The identity of her sire. 

It was with the utmost reluctance he set Hinoko’s file aside and reached for Hound’s. This one was much older, a little worn and dusty from lack of use. Now, with the file in his hands, the opportunity laid before him to read it, Cardinal hesitated. 

His relationship with Hound was nothing but heartache and complications. The anonymity of their professions had erected barriers between him and Hound, but their own baggage caused just as much strife. And there had been Aoi, too. That green-haired bastard had caused problems, as well. Holding that tattered file, Cardinal couldn’t help a moment’s wonder what might have happened if he hadn’t fallen for Aoi’s manipulations. If he’d gone with his subtle instincts and told that particular alpha to go to hell. 

Would things have been different? 

He and Hound…

No, best not to indulge that thought. The last heat he had shared with Hound had been too intense, too emotionally deep. Their connection got the better of him. In a moment of vulnerability, he almost told Hound about their daughter. Thankfully, that momentary lapse scared his priorities straight. He’d cut things off as cleanly as he could shortly after that. 

Whether or not that had been a mistake, whether or not Aoi had been the main instigator of that didn’t matter now. There was no taking it back.

He needed to move forward. The past was best left where it was -in the past. He’d swiped this file to find out about Hinoko’s sire. He wanted something to tell his baby girl when he was finally face-to-face with her again. Nothing more, nothing less. 

Taking a steadying breath, Cardinal opened the file-

-and nearly lost his shit.

_ Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck _ , kept running through his mind on frantic repeat. The face staring up at him from Hound’s file was one he knew all too well, was one he slept next to at night, that smiled at him in a way that made his heart melt. 

The entire world stuttered to a stop and zeroed in on the file clenched tightly in his hands. Kakashi Hatake looked up at him out of a tiny picture clipped to the top of the file.

Kakashi Hatake,  _ his husband _ , was Hound.

Iruka stared at the picture in disbelief. Kakashi looked so young, so…  _ alone.  _ His heart ached painfully. It was so surreal, so impossible. He’d ended up married to Hound. Had spent the majority of the last fifteen years he couldn’t remember with the man who was his deepest regret. The man who’d sired his daughter… and his  _ son _ . 

_ Both  _ his beautiful pups were Hound’s children!

Unable to keep a hold on the file, his hands trembling too hard to support it, the damn thing slid out of his grasp and fluttered to the floor. Luckily, it didn’t have far to go and none of the contents spilled out. Also lucky, the floor was pretty close because Cardinal toppled over onto it to stare listlessly at the ceiling. He tried to breathe,  _ needed to breathe _ , to get a handle on himself.

_ Oh holy fucking hell, I’m mated to Hound!! _

_ That _ took some time to absorb. His brain stuttered around the information, trying to associate it with the world as he knew it. Cardinal wasn’t sure he had fully succeeded in processing it by the time he picked himself up off the floor and pulled the file back into his hands. He  _ had _ to read it now more than ever. Had to…  _ know _ something more about his husband, his mate, his  _ Hound _ , and he wanted to.

There was no more denying the fact it was for himself as much as for Hinoko -for Houki- now. This changed everything. 

_ Everything. _

“Well, Kakashi, it seems we’re due for a pretty long fucking talk.”

* * *

It was later that afternoon when Kakashi approached him and asked if they could talk.

Still reeling from what he’d found out, Cardinal hadn’t thought how to go about asking the same question. After his discovery, he’d gone out for a walk to get some air to clear his head, and just ended up lost in thought on the engawa.

Studying his husband, he quietly patted the empty spot beside him. Kakashi lowered himself gracefully to the wood, bare feet dangling into the grass below. The silence stretched between them, not uncomfortable, but heavy with what remained unspoken. 

Instead of diving right into the conversation, they watched the sky. He leaned against Kakashi’s side, taking some time to enjoy the beautiful afternoon. The sun warmed his bare feet, a gentle breeze ruffled his husband’s hair. 

Peaceful, almost serene. 

Kakashi was the one to finally break the silence. “I assume you found what you needed in the record vault,” he began softly and calmly. Hesitance lingered in his tone, not anger. How unexpected, considering he had every right to be.

Cardinal stiffened at his side, quickly trying to formulate a response that would let him roll with the unexpected way their conversation began. In the end, he waved it off with a laugh. “Ah, it took a few shifts to get reacquainted with the filing system, but I can navigate it easily enough now.” 

Kakashi didn’t contend the deflection, just absorbed it and pressed on. “You moved faster than I anticipated. I hadn’t returned your chunin file to the vault, yet.” 

All pretenses dropped like a rock. Kakashi knew, he  _ knew.  _ What was the point of vaguely skirting the issue? “Wait, you’re the one who had my file? I thought Shizune...”

“I had both your files for a while.” This was spoken low, but it still set every nerve in Cardinal tingling.

“Both?” he repeated in disbelief.  _ No, there was no way. Kakashi couldn’t… know…  _ The thoughts were as whispy and distant as what he said next. “You can’t possibly-”

Kakashi’s eyes were glassy, perhaps a hint damp, when he murmured gently, “on record, the Hunter-nin codenamed Cardinal died fifteen years ago.” 

Iruka’s heart thundered in his chest. He was too stunned to answer. How was he supposed to? There just  _ wasn’t  _ a good answer to that. He stayed silent so long Kakashi reached for his hand and kept going. “Killing a persona is a common enough way for an elite operative to retire. I’m grateful you got out when you did, Iruka.” 

_ Retired. _

The word hung over his head like a death sentence. His husband thought he’d gotten out on his own accord. That was so far from the truth, he wanted to laugh. Maybe-

Maybe it was better Kakashi thought that, better he didn’t know what Hiruzen had done out of misplaced grief and desperation. It hurt deep down in a way because his mate  _ didn’t _ know, but on the other hand, Kakashi not digging up information on the Sandaime’s botched memory seal meant he hadn’t made any connections between Cardinal and Aoi.

He could still get that son of a bitch on his own. He had time.

Taking a sharp breath to steady himself he asked, “How did you know?”

Kakashi pulled his mask down slowly and offered him a wry, melancholic smile. “You started exhibiting skills I’ve never seen you use in the twelve years we’ve been together. The shunshin, your reaction time in the hospital, and the extra training were just a few red flags. Something was off, so I went looking underneath the underneath. You were using chakra to suppress your scent. I smelled the difference when you released it last night at the tower. Your scent has a more ashen edge to it as  _ his _ did.”

Cardinal cursed loudly. “Damn it, I-” It was second nature for a hunter-nin to block their scent with chakra as it could mean the difference between life and death on a mission. He’d been meticulously keeping it in check until they were intimate. At the time, it hadn’t seemed so important any longer.

“Only ANBU learn that skill. ANBU and hunter-nin when they were used. Konoha hasn’t trained any since the last war ended.” Kakashi tapped his old ANBU tattoo hidden beneath his shinobi blacks. “Your lack of ink left only one option.” The Rokudaime rubbed a thumb across his knuckles, perhaps to soothe himself as much as Cardinal. “...I worked with Cardinal on several missions while I was in ANBU. You act so much like he used to. Now I know why.” A long-buried pain lingered in those dark grey eyes. Iruka could see it clearly, and it cut his heart open. “I didn’t take the death well.”

And that’s when it hit him. The hunter-nin Kakashi spoke of that morning, the one he claimed to love and mourn. It was  _ him.  _ “I’m so sorry. I-I didn’t know. I didn’t have a choice.” Iruka didn’t realize he’d begun to cry until the tears slipped down his cheeks. How fucking messed up was this entire situation? He’d been falling in love with Hound in so many little ways since that first heat shared in the middle of a battleground. 

The confusion over his own emotions had lingered even while he’d been with Aoi, trying to move on, start something safer with someone else and only managing to think of Hound at every turn. The ANBU had been the only thing on his mind every time he was intimate with Aoi.

Somehow, someway, they found their way back to each other time and time again. Through all the twists and turns, all the pain, lies and years, they were both here, together. Hound was Kakashi, his Hokage, his husband, his  _ mate,  _ and he’d carried the weight of that false death for years. 

His chest constricted painfully, the emotions finally spilling over and out as he started rambling. The words spilled from his mouth in a broken mess. “How fucked up can a situation get? We were both so wrapped up in our own demons and secrets. Sometimes I’m surprised I knew which way I was turning. I made so many bad choices, Kakashi. I didn’t know how to handle the attraction or my growing feelings. I got scared and… and there were other things I had to protect. Other people that came first, and now you’re telling me you felt the same Sage damned way?!”

“Hold on, Iruka.” Kakashi gently took Cardinal by the shoulders, effectively cutting off his overflowing confession. “Why are you apologizing? You’re not making sense. Just take a deep breath. I’m here and we can work through this together-”

“I missed you so much, Hound.” 

Still holding him, Kakashi went completely still. His eyes flared wide. Oh so wide, as understanding struck through, what must be, overwhelming shock. “What?”

One-handed, Cardinal fished Hound’s file from the satchel leaning against his hip and presented it to Kakashi. He’d kept it with him through his ponderings, using the tangible file as reassurance he hadn’t completely lost his damn mind. “I-I needed to know if he  _ -if you- _ survived.” 

Kakashi stared at him incredulously. “You took a classified ANBU file from the records vault without permission?”

“You knew I was in there and didn’t stop me,” he countered quickly, “that’s basically permission.”

Chuckling in disbelief, Kakashi crushed Iruka to his chest in a tight hug. It felt so good, he leaned into it without a second thought. His fingers curled into his husband’s flak jacket, clutching him close. The crimson  _ Rokudaime Hokage  _ kanji blazoned beneath his fingers. Sitting like that, they clung to each other for what felt like hours. 

Wiping the tears from his cheeks, Kakashi leaned in to claim his mouth. The kiss was deep and possessive- full of longing and fleeting hope. “Would you please stop blocking your scent?” he whispered against Iruka’s lips. The omega blushed despite himself. Shit, was he still suppressing his scent?

Inhaling slowly, he released the tight chakra hold he kept over his scent -an incredibly personal and trusting thing for a hunter-nin to do.

“...You really are Cardinal.” He wasn’t sure what assurance Kakashi found in his scent, but the smile he gave him crinkled the age lines by his eyes. “I love you so much.”

Unthinking, he buried his face in Kakashi’s shoulder and breathed in his mate’s scent. “I know today isn’t a scheduled visit, but can we go see Houki and Naruto? I-I really want to see our sons and grandpups.”

Nuzzling his nose to the sensitive skin just beneath his ear, Kakashi scented him deeply and pressed a soft kiss to his neck. “That sounds perfect.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We both sincerely hope you enjoy the feels and drama of this update. <3

Catching Hinoko at the end of a shift took a few weeks of cautious, subtle maneuvering. He started walking Kakashi to work in the mornings, just to get a feel for which ANBU were guarding him at what times. It didn’t take long to zero in on Hinoko’s chakra signature despite the meticulous care each ANBU took with scent and chakra suppression. 

Cardinal wasn’t a sensor, but his echolocation allowed for the next best thing. Chakra left minuscule vibrations behind for those who knew how and where to look for them. Thankfully, his hunter-nin training let him hone his ability to do just that. It took almost three weeks of careful observation and cross-referencing Kakashi’s ANBU guard schedule for him to pick out which of his husband’s hidden protectors was his daughter. 

He would’ve spent a lifetime searching for her if he had to.

Now, as he stood before the young woman his baby girl became, the ache in his chest only sharpened. His beautiful Hinoko grew up without him _ -without anyone- _ to support or cherish her. He ached for the stolen time they could never get back. She deserved so much better than this, and, lost time or not, he’d ensure she got the family she was warranted. “Soku, a word in private please.” 

Her porcelain feline mask shifted ever so slightly. At seventeen, she remained petite, though he could clearly make out well-toned muscles along her bare arms. Hinoko carried herself with a confident ease highly reminiscent of her sire. “Umino-sama, excuse my demurral, but I just like, completed a twelve-hour shift. Is this not something that can wait?” 

The formal title caught his heart in his throat. Hinoko was the last person who should be calling him _ Umino-sama. _ It sounded so wrong, would have sounded wrong coming from _anyone_, but especially coming from his daughter. Swallowing hard, Cardinal shook his head. “No, it can’t.” 

Hinoko’s small frame tensed briefly before her head dipped in a respectful bow. “Very well. Please follow me, Umino-sama. The council rooms should be currently unoccupied.” 

Iruka walked to the room they agreed on, but Hinoko took the roof to avoid their meeting being noticed. Dropping down off the north-eastern side of the Hokage tower, she swung silently and gracefully through one of the large, bay windows. He was familiar enough with the place -one of the smaller, more private rooms mostly used for meetings between clan heads and the Hokage. 

Silencing and scent blocking wards made it one of the more secure spaces in the tower. Once they were both inside, he activated the wards without hesitation. Then, he turned to look his daughter -the pup he’d been separated from for so long- up and down. To _ really _ look her over, now that he had the chance.

Hinoko stood in full ANBU armour, her mask covering her face so he couldn’t see her expression. The fact he was so _ close _ to her after all this time and yet still kept at a distance twisted something heart-wrenching inside him. He couldn’t touch his child. Couldn’t scent her. Couldn’t calm the omegan part of him demanding he make sure she was _ safe _ and _ completely healthy_.

Heart beating wildly in his chest, Cardinal found himself blurting out, “remove your mask, please,” before he could even come to terms with the fact he was going to say it. The need to see her was driving him mad. 

One picture wasn’t enough, it would never be enough. 

Her shoulders stiffened the slightest fraction. If he wasn’t specifically trained to pick up subtle changes in body language, he would’ve missed it. Hinoko had such a tight hold on her scent and chakra, that minute shift was the only indication of a reaction he got. 

“Is that like, an order, Sir?” She asked in a deceptively steady voice.

Cardinal suppressed a whine. He didn’t know which was worse, hearing his daughter call him _ Umino-sama _ or _ Sir. _His hands fisted into his pants hard enough for the knuckles to turn white. Every instinct screamed for him to close the few feet separating them and just hold her. Even though that was the worst possible thing he could do right now.

He needed to tell her, to explain, somehow, some _ way. _

Forcing his instincts down, he smiled in hopes of easing the tension growing between them. “No, of course not. That’s not… This isn’t-” He cut himself off with a deep breath. This was ANBU Soku standing before him, not his baby girl. “Yes Shinobi, that’s an order.” 

“...Yes, Sir.” Every muscle went taut but she slowly lifted a hand and pulled her mask off.

For the first time in fifteen years, Iruka found himself face-to-face with his daughter. He drank in every detail of her face like a parched man at an oasis. She still had that adorable button nose and the beauty mark beneath her left eye. His strong jaw, Kakashi’s eyes and mouth drawn in a thin line. 

His Hinoko radiated strength, from the way she held herself to the silent confidence in that unwavering stare. His heart broke even as it swelled with pride. He wanted better for her than a lost childhood and a life in the shadows but unlike her parents, that lifestyle hadn’t broken her. 

On the contrary, it looked like she’d thrived, and-

And she was beautiful. 

So utterly, magnificently _ beautiful. _

Iruka didn’t realize he said that out loud until Hinoko’s jaw tensed. A bad sign. _ Shit. _

“What did you need to talk about, Umino-sama?” Another question spoken in a steely tone.

Ever since his search for his daughter began, he’d gone over repeatedly what he wanted to say to her. Now that he was here, with her standing so expectantly before him, the words fled him. All that time searching for her, not knowing if she was dead or alive. It all culminated in this one, significant moment. Blinking rapidly, Cardinal fought to focus his blurred vision. Something hot trickled down his cheeks. Lifting a hand to his face, he was startled to find they were tears. 

“You’re not an orphan, Hinoko,” he spoke softly, the words tumbling from his lips with a yearning he could no longer suppress. “You never were.” 

His daughter’s slender frame went completely rigid. A malicious flicker of angry chakra and alpha pheromones wafted into the air before Hinoko quickly recapped both with impeccable self-control. “I don’t like, appreciate being ridiculed, Umino-sama,” she responded curtly. Iruka picked up the furious undertones.

It seemed his baby girl inherited his temper. 

_ Great. _

“I’m not ridiculing you, Hinoko,” he started slowly. “I have information about your parents-”

“They’re dead, or they abandoned me. It doesn’t matter either way and I don’t care to know. I’m a child of Konoha,” she cut him off quickly, hand raising to reaffix her ANBU mask. “Now, if you’ll please excuse me…”

All colour drained from his face. Sheer panic, unlike any he’d ever felt before, twisted his stomach into painful knots. His instincts screamed in the back of his mind. This was his _ one chance _ to talk to his daughter and he was losing her. All over again. _ No! _This couldn’t be happening. Not again. Not now after searching so desperately to find her. He couldn’t let her disappear back into the faceless mass of ANBU. 

“I’m your father!” Iruka confessed recklessly. Once those first three words were out, the rest tumbled from his mouth in a desperate rush. “I used to be a hunter-nin. I was in heat on a mission and had to redirect the chakra I was using to suppress it to save my partner. You were never meant to be conceived, but you were and I wanted you so badly.” His hands grasped his flak jacket directly above the angry burn scar on his stomach. For the first two months after Hinoko’s birth, it had been a cesarean section scar. Then Hiruzen called him back off parental leave early. He had to leave his little miracle in Biwako and Asuma’s care. “I carried you inside me for seven months. You were premature and so, so sick. You almost died. I-” 

A flash caught his words in his throat. Something sharp struck him right in the jugular so quickly, his deeply ingrained shinobi instincts hadn’t the chance to react. Iruka suddenly found himself staring up at his daughter from his knees. 

Immobilized.

_ Hinoko paralyzed him with some kind of jutsu. _

Her speed and accuracy were so terrifyingly beautiful, Iruka swelled with pride despite events unexpectedly turning from his favour. It was painfully obvious why ANBU recruited her at such a young, tender age. 

“I am going to ask you like, four questions and you’re going to answer them honestly, understood?” 

His head bobbed in a slow, automatic nod. “Yes.” He had no control over his body. Warning bells went off in his head. Renewed terror clawed at his throat. His breathing shallowed, chest constricting as he struggled not to lose complete control. He could still think freely, but that was it. The last time he was paralyzed like this, Hiruzen had trapped him within his own mind. The memory was all too real with him on his knees and helpless.

“Are you my father?” 

“Yes.” 

A sharp inhale resonated from behind Hinoko’s ANBU mask. “Why did you abandon me?”

He could feel his eyes start to ache as his vision blurred. Oh, it hurt to hear she even thought that. Never would he have willingly left his beautiful little girl behind. Not for any reason. “I didn’t, you were taken from me.” 

“By who?” The darker, clipped edge to the question sent a chill down Cardinal’s back. Though Hinoko kept her chakra and scent tightly suppressed, he could almost feel her steadily growing rage.

His mouth moved without him wanting it to. “Hiruzen Sarutobi.” A few tears trickled down his cheeks. Saying it aloud, having to directly face what his adoptive father did to him, shattered his already fractured heart just a little more. 

The snarl that ripped from his daughter made his blood run cold. “The Sandaime Hokage?” A hard yank sent her ANBU mask clattering across the floor. Daintily calloused fingers grasped his chin, jerking his head back until they were eye to eye. Barely repressed fury blazed in her grey irises. “Why? What did you do?” 

More tears spilled over. They burned down his cheeks in hot trails before dripping off his chin. Her jutsu kept a firm hold over him. He was naught but a marionette on chakra strings and Hinoko his puppeteer. “I… I didn’t listen.” 

His chest heaved, each inhale harder than the last. It hurt so badly to admit that, but it was true in so many ways. Hiruzen protested every decision he made for himself and Hinoko. He didn’t want him to go through with the pregnancy, didn’t want him raising her, didn’t want him going after Aoi. Iruka, in turn, stubbornly butted heads with the old man every step of the way. 

Releasing his chin, Hinoko turned away abruptly. She started to pace, growling and muttering softly to herself. Her hands flew wildly about as she waded through this new information. His mother used to do the same thing. “Why didn’t you like, come for me sooner?” 

“I thought you were dead.” 

Hinoko whined at that, the sound sharp and painful. He wanted nothing more than to yank her into his arms and never let go. “Prove it to me!” She demanded. “Prove you’re my father. Like, how do you know I’m your daughter? I’m just some random orphan no one ever wanted.” 

With his head pounding and vision swimming, Iruka fumbled over his words. “Th-There’s a surgical scar on your sternum.” The admission was enough to resurrect old fears he thought long buried. The memories were still vivid, even years later. "You were born with a congenital heart defect. You needed open-heart surgery to correct it."

“...H-How?” Her gloved hand clutched her chest directly over where he knew the scar rested. “No one… No one knows about that.” The uncertain, hesitant quiver to her voice had him screaming inside his own head. Hinoko deserved so much better than this! His baby girl grew up all alone, thinking herself unloved and unwanted. 

And for what?

Nothing was worth her pain.

He’d been so foolish in angering Hiruzen.

Since her jutsu didn’t stop him, Iruka kept talking. He unwove their shared history, laid it before her as the proof she demanded from him. "I waited while they operated on you. The surgery took five hours. You were so small. I was terrified you wouldn't pull through, but you did. No matter how the odds were stacked against you, Hinoko, you always pulled through. My impossible little miracle."

Hinoko’s hands fold into an ox, then a ram seal. Warmth washed over Iruka as his skin shimmered and started to glow faintly. The restrictions on his muscles receded. He dropped forward, barely catching himself on shaking hands. He… He could move again. 

_ She released the jutsu. _

Thank the Sage, she’d let him go.

Cardinal’s head snapped up, but she was already there, dropping to her knees like the weight of the world finally dragged her down. “Hinoko.” Her name caught on a hitched sob. His baby girl was _ right there. _All he had to do was reach out and he could finally touch her. 

Before he could even lift his hand, Hinoko threw her arms around him in a tight hug. In an instant, the entire world zeroed in on the petite body pressed so desperately against his. She was strong, all rippling muscle hidden away beneath her uniform, but goodness, she was still so, so tiny. 

“It’s you!” A sharp whine pitched against his shoulder as tears started to dampen his flak jacket. “Y-You’re really my-” Hinoko cut her own words off with a wail.

Tucking her protectively against his chest, Iruka hugged his daughter tightly. He didn’t shush her or tell her it would be okay. He didn't know what the future would hold. This was just another uncertain beginning. Instead, he buried his face in her soft brown hair and scented her deeply once she finally let her control slip. 

Hinoko’s pheromones held a distinctively tangy aroma. It took him a few seconds to place the scent. _ Turmeric _ with an electrical undercurrent_. _She had a lightning affinity like Kakashi and an alpha scent reminiscent of his mother’s. A sob caught in his throat. “I love you, Hinoko.” Keening softly to soothe her cries, Iruka peppered her tear-stained face with kisses. “I’m so sorry.” 

For the first time in far too long, he simply held his daughter, revelling in the feel of finally having her back in his arms. Together they cried through the exhilaration and grief -for all they found and all they lost. Tucking Hinoko’s head beneath his chin, Iruka pressed her to the aching chasm in his heart, silently willing her mere presence to fill it. 

“Your name is Hinoko Umino. You were born on September 15th in the middle of a rainstorm. You’re _ my _ daughter and I love you so, so much.” 

* * *

After finally holding his daughter in his arms again, pressing her close to his heart for the first time in far too long, it took a lot of mental strength and internal dialogue to convince himself to open Aoi’s file. It wasn’t that Cardinal didn’t _ want _ to see what the bastard alpha had been up to all these years… It was more he wanted to hang on to the feeling everything was finally going right for a little longer. Opening Aoi’s file would only lead to that sensation popping like a soap bubble.

Luckily, a full week passed before he could get the house to himself for an afternoon. This happy coincidence gave him some much-needed time to fortify his mind. When he finally was able to sequester himself in the study with the doors locked and so many wards wrapped around the room it would take a whole ANBU squad to dismantle them, he felt ready. 

As ready as he could be, at least.

Settling with the file before him, he took a breath and let his fingers glide over the smooth folder. He toyed with the edge a moment, then flipped the manila material open. Aoi’s face greeted him with that age-old, sneaky grin. That slippery twist of lips crawled under Cardinal’s skin, equally making him want to vomit and wring the man’s neck.

What an utter fool he’d been to fall for the manipulations hidden behind by that pretty face.

The force of it slammed the breath from him. Cardinal clenched his jaw with a hand pressed over the tiny photo for several minutes. Just looking at Aoi’s face seized his chest with fresh rage. He ground his teeth together, barely able to contain how much that picture made him want to find and dismantle the man in question. 

Aoi had caused him nothing but heartache.

But the only way to find the jackass was to gather information. He needed to read the file. 

Snarling, Iruka ripped his hand away and started scanning the limited content before him. Most of it was things he already knew from his months of sexual involvement with the former Konoha shinobi. Aoi Rokusho was an alpha five years older than him. The man’s specialty with senbon let him advance to tokubetsu jounin rank but no farther, much to Aoi’s frustrations. 

No known family or mate.

Bland, boring, typical information. The rest of the file wasn’t much better. It ran quickly through Aoi’s theft of the Raijin no Ken and defection from Konohagakure. There was even a brief note of Cardinal’s team rushing headlong after him and ending up devastated after being ambushed by the Ame entourage coming to meet Aoi.

An entourage made up of elite ANBU.

That last detail left Cardinal almost weeping and further grinding his teeth. He bit down on his bottom lip, worrying it until he drew blood. Kokage and Gazeru’s deaths were mandated to nothing but a cliff note in an old file. It was written in such maddeningly straightforward terms, with no detail or sensitivity. His injuries and the deaths of his teammates were remembered as nothing more than the unfortunate ramifications of running ahead of backup. 

He didn’t know what was worse, the callous reminder or the lack of detailed information on Aoi following the incident. 

There were notes on Aoi being made an Amegakure jounin and then notes of him defecting _ again _from Ame about a year before Cardinal’s accidental release from the memory seal. Even a brief comment on Aoi’s last reported sighting in Tonika Village close to the Land of Fire’s border about a month before Iruka-sensei’s ill-fated mission. 

But that was it! The thing just _ ended _ like half of it was missing.

The damn thing just _ cut off! _

It was almost more than he could take. All of it came crashing down on him with such force, it stole his breath away. _ Only half the story’s here. _ So much more happened than those few paragraphs indicated. The thief of the Raijin no Ken and the bloody battle along the Land of Fire’s border, the fact Aoi _ hadn’t even stuck to Ame_, but had run off _ again_. Had, in effect, treated the deaths of his teammates as though they meant nothing-

(Maybe they didn’t to Aoi, but to Iruka, they meant everything.) 

-was all too much. He inhaled deeply, trying to focus on his breathing to keep from hyperventilating. He had to find Aoi and make him pay for killing Kokage and Gazeru!!

_ “You’re usually so careful with your precious people, Red Bird. What happened? Did you miss me that much you had to come rushing out here?” _

Guilt twisted the memory of Aoi’s taunt into an ugly phantom. He could so clearly picture the cruel smile Aoi favoured him with as the alpha sauntered slowly, predatorily, _ playfully _ toward where he knelt immobilized on the ground. The memories clawed at him, dredged hot, heavily tears from his eyes and made him want to scream. 

He snarled instead, tossing Aoi’s useless file across the room, because it was his fault. No matter what, he could never seem to get away from the fact his teammates’ deaths were _ his sin. _He’d let emotions cloud his judgement, urged his team to go after Aoi with only Hiruzen’s begrudging permission, backup too far behind to be useful and they were murdered right in front of him. 

If he hadn’t gone running to Kokage and Gazeru as they came back from their mission, hadn’t stopped at that checkpoint halfway to Konoha where he knew they’d be resting, they would still be alive. His team never would’ve devoured on their return home if he hadn’t implored it of them. Kokage and Gazeru never would have taken on such a dangerous task when they were exhausted and running low on chakra unless he, _ Iruka Umino, _ their friend, asked them to.

He could never forget that.

_ Never _ forgive himself or Aoi. They were both to blame.

Leaning over his knees, Cardinal shook and gasped for breath through his tears. So much would have been different if it weren’t for his rash decision. The guilt and grief almost ate him alive. It was what spurred him into arguing with Hiruzen and ultimately had the Sandaime use an unstable seal on him in the first place.

The past hurt like hell. It burned in his throat like the tears constricting it. But there was more to his motivations now. It _ wasn’t _ just because of Kokage and Gazeru he needed to permanently remove Aoi from the equation. That green-haired son of a bitch was looming over the future as much as the past. 

Swallowing, Cardinal sat up and let his eyes drift over the pictures scattered across the walls. Kakashi, Hinoko, Houki, Naruto, Shikamaru and their little grandpups. He… had a family. A mate. Pups. People who loved him.

If Aoi knew, if he ever found out he was not only alive but had found happiness, the bastard would take it away. Aoi would find a way to claim everything Cardinal loved and he couldn’t _ -wouldn’t- _allow that to happen.

It didn’t matter Aoi’s file was useless. The man was alive out there, somewhere in the Land of Fire and Cardinal would find him. He would deal with that last, lingering fragment of his past, and he would move on with those he cared for.

Nothing would get in his way.

* * *

_ It was dark, so dark. Was it supposed to be this dark? Something about it, about the whole feel of the night, was wrong. The wind lashed around him in a dark frenzy, whipping his hair about his mask. Sweat ran down his face behind the porcelain, mixed with something coppery and metallic. _

** _Blood. _ **

_ He could smell it. The scent clogged his nose and turned his stomach, made all the worse by the undetermined source. Try as he might, he couldn’t tell where it came from. _

_ The darkness distorted his sense of direction. He couldn’t recall where he was or what he was looking for, only that it was important. Something… something dear and precious. _

_ But what? _

_ His feet moved silently through the underbrush and - wait. What? Was that right? Was he supposed to be here? Should he have been in the woods? How did he even know where to go? _

_ Cardinal shook his head to clear it, but the motion didn’t help. Everything felt muddy and heavy. The trees still obstructed his vision, blocking him from the precious something he needed to find. _

_ So he kept walking. Shaking his head again, Cardinal raised his arm to push up his mask and quickly swipe the sweat off his face, only to go stiff, horrified. There was blood on his hands and the kunai he held. _

_ Coating them like sinister gloves. _

_ What…? _

_ What had he done? Where had the blood come from? _

_ Heart beating wildly, he dropped the kunai, stepped back and tripped over- _

_ Cardinal screamed in unchecked horror. _

_ -bodies on the ground. His precious teammates -Kokage and Gazeru- sprawled lifeless at his feet with lips parted and eyes unseeing. _

_ A soul-shattering wail caught in his throat. He danced out of the tangle of limbs, barely catching a flash of movement to his right, a masked face and a punch to his a[bdomen that threw him down in a skid through thorns and nettles. Those were the only impressions Cardinal could gather before a hand wrapped around his neck and squeezed. That mask was pressed close to his. The person behind it laughed, giddy, happy. _

_ “Oh, Red Bird. You missed me so much you had to come all the way out here to find me?” The other man almost cooed as he pulled his mask away. All Cardinal could do was stare at that face. He knew that smile, those violet eyes. _

_ “No.” It was a negation but the dream was heartless and didn’t care. The world rippled around him and broke apart. Suddenly, it wasn’t Kokage and Gazeru’s bodies on the ground beyond his feet, it was his pups. _

_ Naruto, Hinoko, Houki!! _

_ They were dead. Aoi killed them and it was all his fault- _

Cardinal woke up screaming. The blood-curdling sound of his own cries startled him into full consciousness. It took several seconds to register someone calling his name. His head turned, the blurry image of his husband’s worried face slowly coming into focus through the tears. “K-Kakashi? The pups! Wh-where’s our pups?!” 

Only once he’d acknowledged the alpha next to him did Kakashi reach out to brush his tears away. “Houki’s at Naruto and Shikamaru’s. They’re okay. We’d be able to feel Kurama’s chakra if something was wrong.” With a soft keen, Kakashi slowly drew him into his arms. “You had another nightmare.” The soft acknowledgement showed just how often his nightmares had become a part of their lives.

Cardinal’s hand automatically curled into the soft cotton of his husband’s sleep shirt. “Th-They were dead. I got them killed. It’s all my fault-” 

“They’re safe, Iruka,” Kakashi insisted. Calloused fingers smoothed down his back, gently massaging tension from his taut muscles. “No one’s going to hurt them, trust me. I’ve had an ANBU detail stationed at the Nara Compound since your attack.” 

That should’ve appeased him, but an urgent sense of _ dread _ still clung to the edges of his conscience. He couldn’t shake the trepidation. “I need to see them, _ now-” _

“Okay, let’s go.” 

Iruka paused, a little thrown by his husband’s quick agreement. “Wait, really?” A glance at the clock showed it was almost four in the morning, but Kakashi was already out of bed and reaching for his mask. “Seeing they’re both safe will help, right?” 

Affection for this wonderful man swelled in his chest. Kakashi understood the dismay churning inside him. An explanation wasn’t needed. Together they threw on sandals, attached weapon holsters and swung out their bedroom window to beat a hasty path over Konoha’s rooftops. 

The Nara Compound was quiet at this early hour. The gate guard simply shot them a two-finger salute as they vaulted from roof to roof, showing this likely wasn’t the first time he’d seen them darting through the air. Kakashi flared his chakra about a block away and the porch light came on. 

A rather rumpled, half-asleep Naruto stumbled onto the engawa just as they touched down. “Wha?” He squinted, mouth set in a sulky pout. Scrubbing his bandaged hand through wild blond spikes, he yawned loudly. “Kashi-sensei? Ruka-sensei? Whaddya want? It’s so _ early-” _

The blond’s squawk was muffled against Iruka’s shirt as he yanked his son into a desperate hug. His breath caught on a sob. “You’re okay, you’re okay…” The tension drained from him. Naruto was right there, whole, healthy and _ safe. _

_ Just a dream. It was just a dream. _ The panicked thoughts flew through Iruka’s rattled mind. _ He’s safe. They’re all safe in Konoha. There’s peace. Aoi can’t reach them here. I won’t _ let _ him. He can’t, he can’t, he can’t- _

“Oi! I can’t breathe, Iruka-sensei!” Naruto squirmed but returned the crushing hug regardless. “‘Course I’m okay. Houki and the kids are too! I’m a chunin now and Shika’s a jounin. We watch each others’ backs, ya know?” The blond smooshed their cheeks together. “Did’cha have another nightmare?” 

Barely stifling a whine in the back of his throat, Cardinal clutched the younger man more tightly. Kakashi’s hand brushed across his shoulders, his voice hushed as he explained the situation. Iruka barely listened, too intently fixated on the steady beat of Naruto’s heart. 

The fusuma slid open behind them. “Hey, Kakashi-sensei, can you grab the extra futon while I get the kids?” Shikamaru asked in a deep drawl. He sounded more tired than put-upon. “It should be in the washitsu if Naruto didn’t move it again.” 

He lifted his head from Naruto’s shoulder in time to see Kakashi’s eyes curve in a smile as he slipped past their son-in-law. “I’m on it.” 

Shikamaru leaned on the doorway, a sleeping Himawari already in his arms. He motioned with a raised chin when he caught Iruka’s eye. “Waking up at this hour is such a drag. Come on in, you’re letting all the heat out.” 

“Ack, sorry Shika!” Naruto apologized quickly.

The next several minutes found the Iruka at the center of an activity flurry. Futons were shoved together and little boys awoken. He found himself tucked snugly in the very middle -a warm blanket draped over his shoulders and Himawari deposited in his arms. Houki and Shikadai scrambled over to snuggle, sleepy protests forgotten when they spotted him. 

Naruto soothed a cranky Boruto as he laid out with Shikamaru on his right. Kakashi curled up on his left, one arm slung protectively around his shoulders. All Iruka could do was watch as these wonderful people relaxed around him. 

For once, the ache that settled in his chest wasn’t from heartbreak. _ This was his family. _The man he mated, their sons and grandpups. The only absent piece was Hinoko. Now that he finally found her, she’d be with them soon enough. It was just a matter of time.

When the tears came this time, it was for a completely different reason.

Iruka was finally home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank-you to Len Barboza for making the lineart commission featured in this chapter. You can find her amazing artwork on her twitter account [here](https://twitter.com/lenbarboza). If you're a fan of Inuyasha, Fullmetal Alchemist or Zelda, you'll really enjoy her work. Go give her some love.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we were really hungry when we wrote this. It kind of shows.

Ducking beneath the awning of Ichiraku Ramen, less than an hour before closing, Iruka settled into a stool at his daughter’s side. “You’re already here.” He smiled despite the butterflies flitting around in his stomach. 

Propping her chin on an upturned palm, Hinoko shot him a lop-sided smile a bit too reminiscent of Kakashi. “My mission went like, way smoother than anticipated. My chakra levels aren’t depleted for once,” she chuckled lightly. 

That laughter sounded like music to his ears. “You look nice,” he voiced, words hoarse with the feelings stirring in his chest.

Hinoko’s eyes dropped to her practical, black turtleneck and grey shorts. Her hair hung in a heavy plait over her shoulder. A simple string of pearls completed the ensemble. She fingered the round gems, her cheeks tinted rosy, at the compliment. “Ah, well thank you.” 

“That’s a lovely necklace, have you had it long?” It was a way to start this dinner date without diving too deep, too soon.

Her face suddenly turned scarlet, though. The colour trailed right beneath her collar. “Ah, like, i-it’s nothing! Just an anniversary gift from Hanabi-chan.” 

“Hanabi Hyuuga, your mate.” No wonder her face had gone the colour of a ripe apple.

Hinoko’s smile grew so wide, her cheeks dimpled. “Our first anniversary as a mated pair like, passed last month.” 

Iruka’s heart ached as it filled with pride. His baby girl was in love. He could read it clearly on her face. “My congratulations to both of you.” 

“Thank-you, Iruka.”

They fell into an awkward silence as Teuchi made his way to the counter. The ageing beta greeted them with a warm smile that eased the nervous energy between them. “I see you’ve found my favourite hidden gem to share a late-night meal with, Iruka.” 

“What can I say? A fellow ramen lover makes ideal company.” Cardinal found himself silently thanking the beta’s kind, accepting nature. He started coming to the ramen stand as a boy before his parents died. Now he was treating his own daughter here. 

Funny how things had a way of coming full circle. 

“What can I get you both tonight?” 

“Tonkotsu ramen with chashu, kakuni and extra egg!” A sudden pause, then they both burst out laughing. All tension broke like a string. They shared their favourite ramen dish. Life worked in mysterious ways. 

The laugh lines by Teuchi’s eyes crinkled. “Two tonkotsu ramen with chashu, kakuni and extra egg coming right up.” 

Resting his arms across his thighs, he dared to cast a sideways glance at his daughter. She smiled softly when she caught his eye, her shoulders visibly relaxing. “I’m glad we were like, able to meet up again so soon.” Reaching for her chopsticks, she fiddled the disposable utensils from their paper packaging. “...I-I was hoping you’d tell me more about yourself and our family.” 

“Our family?” That sent ache throbbing through his heart.

Hinoko laced her fingers together atop the counter. Her grip tightened until her knuckles turned white. “Kohari and Ikkaku Umino were your parents, so they’re like, my grandparents. I did a bit of research after our last meeting. I know they died during the Kyuubi Attack. You were young, but like, if you remember anything you’re willing to share…” 

Tears brimmed in his eyes before he could push them down. His chest tightened on a hitched breath.  _ Hinoko wanted to know about his parents. _ “They would’ve loved you so much,” he murmured softly. He could clearly picture his father rocking Hinoko as an infant or his mother singing her a lullaby. “My mother was ANBU, my father a jounin. Missions kept them out of the village a lot, but they were the most wonderful parents. I never felt unwanted or unloved.”

The loss still festered deep in his soul, but he wanted to tell her. She deserved to know. Hinoko was as much their legacy as she was Cardinal’s. Talking about them was how their memories stayed alive. “Dad liked expensive tea. Mom used to bring different flavours back for him when she went on long missions. She liked knitting. Growing up, I had mittens, scarves, hats, shawls, blankets, all made by her. I think it was a coping method to help her decompress after her missions. If I misbehaved, she’d make me untangle her yarn. Some of those balls were such a mess, it took  _ hours _ of work.” 

His daughter barely stifled a snort behind her hand. “So you were like, quite the troublemaker as a little kid, huh?” 

“I had my moments,” Iruka admitted with a chuckle. He’d always been a prankster. That only intensified after his parents died. Orphans did what they could to get attention. It didn’t matter if it was positive or negative as long as someone  _ saw _ them. “Apparently I inherited my more…  _ creative _ streak from my father.”

Hinoko barked out a rather rough laugh that ended with a snort when she tried covering up the sound. The gruff, bombastic sound contrasted so starkly with the innocent belly-giggles he associated with his daughter, all he could do was stare. 

Thankfully, Teuchi brought their orders before things got awkward. If his baby girl caught the surprised look on his face, she didn’t say anything. Hinoko pulled her chopsticks apart, chattering good-naturedly with Ayame while they dug into their ramen. It was nice to see her more at ease after the tension of that first meeting. 

She slurped up some noodles, splashing a bit of broth on her face in the process. Automatically, Iruka reached out to brush it off her cheek. Hinoko stiffened briefly, eyes downcast, but didn’t pull away. “...Were you scouted to be a hunter-nin like I was an ANBU operative?” she asked softly. 

Cardinal’s fingers curled around her cheek, cupping her face gently in his palm. He knew these questions were coming -expected them even- but he wished they had a bit more time together before Hinoko learned his history. Sighing softly, he let the truth flow. “There was nothing special about me as a child, average skills, average grades. I fit comfortably in the middle of the pack, so to speak. After the Kyuubi attacked Konoha, I became another orphaned pre-genin.” 

Rubbing his thumb along her cheekbone, he let his hand drop away. “I was lonely, so I started acting out to get attention. I acted the class clown, played pranks on people around the village. Anything so someone would  _ notice me _ for just a little while.” 

Hinoko’s grip tightened on her chopsticks. “The wrong person noticed you.” 

“Some would argue the  _ right _ person noticed me. I got fast-tracked from the Academy into hunter-nin training right after my eleventh birthday. The program was packed to overflowing with kids like me -other orphans, clan bastards, captured children from other villages. Half of us didn’t make it. The ones that did wished we hadn’t.” Cardinal poked at his ramen, silently regretting his decision to be upfront with his daughter. “I started running missions when I was twelve and never stopped until I found out I was carrying you.” 

His baby girl muffled a soft whine in the back of her throat.  _ “Never stopped?  _ You don’t, like, mean literally right? Surely you had downtime. Even ANBU have mandatory breaks between missions to decrease the likelihood of burnout…” 

A sudden  _ crack _ caught them both by surprise. Iruka stared down at the broken chopsticks in his hands and dropped the pieces like they burned. “Things were different back then. The Third Shinobi World War was only a few years behind us, then the Kyuubi attacked. Konoha still fought skirmishes with Kumogakure along the borders. The village needed to present a strong front to the other nations. All shinobi, regardless of rank, ran as many missions as possible.” He shrugged, trying to ignore the way her displeased gaze bore into him. “We adapted,” he finished rather weakly.

Tightening her grip on her bowl, Hinoko slowly pulled it closer. “Godaime-sama said I was like, too young to fight in the war. I was angry. I thought I missed my chance to prove myself as a kunoichi.” His daughter poked at the egg with her chopsticks. “I was so naive.” 

Iruka smiled wistfully. “We all are as children. I’m just grateful life didn’t leave you disillusioned and jaded like it did your sire and I…” Kakashi was better now. He didn’t know how, but his husband healed from the world-weary ANBU agent that fathered Hinoko. 

Hound was a broken tool, but they all were back then. 

Some just more than others. 

His daughter’s soft whine pulled him from his thoughts. Jaw set, she worried her bottom lip between her teeth. “Why were we separated? You said you didn’t listen when I asked before. What did you mean?” 

Ah, there it was. The topic he dreaded the most. How did he explain all that had happened to her? Cardinal didn’t want to stretch the truth, but certain things, well they needed to be kept to himself a while longer. Things about Aoi. Justice for Kokage and Gazeru hinged on taking Aoi out. If he told her everything, he knew Hinoko would want to help. 

Help him find the man responsible for ruining their lives so many years ago.

He couldn’t put her at risk, not after just finding her. 

Aoi would-

_ Aoi would kill his daughter and make him watch. _

A deep breath did little to calm him, so he powered through with the explanation he’d practiced a hundred times.  "A Konoha alpha stole a precious heirloom and defected. We were...  _ involved. _ I convinced the Hokage to let me go after the alpha against his better judgement. I failed and paid the consequences." That’s it. That’s all he could force out. His hands shook from the effort of that alone.

The loss  _ -the anger- _ was still so fresh for him. 

Hinoko’s pheromones spiked abruptly. The smell of electrically-laced turmeric hit his nose a split second before she yanked her scent back under tight control. He turned to face her,  _ ‘are you okay’  _ on his tongue, when she asked frenziedly, “is that alpha my sire?” 

Iruka almost fell off his stool.  _ “What?! _ Oh Sage no!” Aoi Rokusho as Hinoko’s sire? The mere thought of baring that monster’s pup made him shudder. He thanked the Sage he had always taken precautions  _ -very strict precautions- _ to ensure that never happened. “Your sire was an ANBU.” 

“That’s a total relief. I had to make sure, though.” She busied herself by taking a sip of broth. Her shoulders relaxed a fraction. “You said my sire was your partner, that’s like, all I had to work with.” 

“Ah, that’s true.” Looking at it from that perspective, he couldn’t really blame her for coming to the conclusion she did. 

Setting her almost empty bowl back on the counter, Hinoko tapped her fingers against the sides. Cardinal got the sneaking suspicion more hard questions were coming his way. That instinct proved far too true. 

“Do you know who my sire is?”

Biting the inside of his cheek, Iruka admitted slowly, “...I do.” 

Those intelligent, grey eyes studied his face for a moment before widening slightly. “You never told them about me, like, did you?”

The taste of copper suddenly filled his mouth. Damn, he bit clean through his cheek. Working his jaw to relieve the sting, Cardinal let his eyes drift closed. Hinoko hit the metaphorical nail squarely on the head. Of course, his beautiful daughter was smart enough to figure it out. She wanted to know about her sire _-about Kakashi- _and well, she- 

_ She had a right to know.  _

A dull ache throbbed in his chest. Iruka rubbed a hand across his sternum to rid himself of the unpleasant sensation.  “We were both really young. You weren’t planned. I didn’t know him beyond his ANBU mask. Your sire…” Training off, Iruka shook his head. It felt like his throat was closing off. Each word made it harder to breathe. With a sigh, he tried again. “Neither of us was in a very good place back then. He was in every bingo book from Suna to Kumo with kill-on-sight orders. If it got out he had a pup… I don’t even want to think about it, Love. I know it’s selfish, but I couldn’t take the chance. I almost lost you so many times as it was. You were all I had. I’m sorry-” 

His words cut off on a sob. Iruka couldn’t suppress it. Tears blurred his vision as he looked down at his clenched hands. Nerves buzzed beneath his skin, leaving him with a sense of jitterish unease. Hinoko went quiet at his side, both father and daughter lost in their own thoughts and raw emotions. 

Tension slowly crept into the silence as they finished their ramen. He found himself staring vacantly at his empty bowl, unwilling and unsure how to proceed. 

Once more, Hinoko broke the silence. “So my sire’s male, huh? Is he like, still alive?” 

Air rushed from his lungs on an exhale. “He is.” 

“Is he still in ANBU?”

“No, he got out.” 

This time she didn’t hide her relief. With a soft, elated whimper, Hinoko dropped her face to the counter. “Okay, that’s… that’s all I need to know for now. You can like, tell me more when you’re ready.” 

“Hinoko…” Affection for his baby girl swelled inside him. She was willing to wait for answers she deserved until  _ he  _ was ready to tell her? It spoke of a deep maturity he lacked at her age. A few tears dripped from his chin. He didn’t deserve such a wonderful, amazing daughter. “Thank you for being patient with me.” 

“I know how much dragging up the past can hurt. There’ll be plenty of time for the heavier discussions later. For now, why don’t we get some dango? I could like, really go for something sweet after all that ramen!”

* * *

It was just a date. 

So why did letting his husband plan it raise his hackles? Cardinal wondered that for, perhaps, the hundredth time as he followed the man along the Naka River. Kakashi was the Rokudaime Hokage. He ran Konoha. Organizing a date should be no problem.

Yet, _somehow, _the alpha’s idea of a date constituted them running up a rocky cliffside. At least he had a nice view. Watching Kakashi’s toned back certainly wasn’t the _worst_ way to spend a morning. He couldn’t quite get the man’s playful and unpredictable tone out of his head when he’d asked if Cardinal would accompany him, either. 

Kakashi most definitely had something in mind. Not even a large amount of exertion climbing a steep cliff could make him forget that.

He’d be lying if he said he wasn’t looking forward to it.

Whatever that turned out to be. 

Iruka was learning -or rather  _ relearning- _ to appreciate his husband’s quirks. The stark contrasts between the Hound he remembered and the man Kakashi was now could be jarring but also relieving. The alpha found peace and happiness. 

Somehow, he was lucky enough to be included in that. 

Today started out particularly well, though. They woke up together, shared some intimacy, showered, grabbed a light breakfast and started this hike. The chance to run and flex his muscles outside the village was thrilling and Cardinal felt… good. 

He felt  _ really  _ good.

So if his mate had something untoward in mind, he was up for it. Now, if only he knew what it was…

No, he could wait. Eventually, Kakashi would have to tell him. He felt well enough to be content with waiting. Even if that meant a long ass climb up a mountainside. 

_ Even if _ his infuriating, really sweaty  _ -attractive-  _ alpha just eye-smiled at him once they flopped down on the grass at the conclusion of their adventure. “Need some time to catch your breath?” 

He mock-glowered at the silver-haired man from his place stretched out on the ground and declared, “oh, I’m far from  _ winded _ , Kakashi. Now, why did you bring me up here?” Oh, it truly was a beautiful view. Water flowed through the stone, gushing down dazzlingly towards the village stretched out vast and sure below them. 

But that wasn’t the point.

The alpha only eye-smiled at him again. In  _ Kakashiese, _ that was essentially a smirk, Oh, it was so on. “I could always  _ make _ you tell me, Kakashi.”

“Is that a challenge, Iruka?”

“What if it is?”

“Mah, then spar with me.”

“What?!” The three simple words left him staring slack-jawed at his husband. “You dragged me all the way up here to  _ spar _ with you? That’s your idea of a date?”

Kakashi blatantly leered at him. Those roving eyes set his cheeks on fire. What was his husband  _ thinking? _ Surely he didn’t mean for them to… What? Spar and fuck on a cliff? “I notice you’ve been training a lot more than usual. The extra effort is starting to show.” He shrugged nonchalantly. “I thought we could do a little sparing like we used to between missions.”

Cardinal blinked at the silver-haired man as a delightful warmth slowly spread through him. Affection blossomed in his chest. His heart beat a little faster. “Well, that uh, that would be nice,” he mumbled a little awkwardly.

_ Oh, nice going, Iruka, so smooth. _

Cheeks flushed, he quickly turned a quirked smile on his husband. Kakashi eye-smiled and stepped back with a cocky kind of spring to his step. Before he knew it, the alpha was out on the river, confidently balanced on the rippling surface with his hands braced on his hips and a twinkle in those devilish, grey eyes of his. 

“Are you coming?” he called.

“Well, I’ve been dragged this far, what’s a little more?” Cardinal tossed back playfully as he jogged out to join the alpha. 

Sparring on a river was good practice. The constant rushing ripple beneath their feet split their attention. Chakra had to move with the current. If either of them lost focus, an unintended dip awaited. Water and Fire were Iruka’s main elements, he had an affinity for both. Yet, Kakashi was slippery enough he managed to keep hitting him in the face and back with a water jet! 

The alpha’s laughter made it clear he was  _ doing it on purpose! _

His husband was trying to rile him and Iruka couldn’t figure out  _ why _ except to be annoying _ .  _

“Knock it off, Kakashi!” he snarled after he was thoroughly drenched. “Or I  _ will _ dunk you, so help me, I will!”

The threat wasn’t entirely good-natured, but his mate only offered him a rather pleased keen and flickered backwards, farther up the river. “Oh, will you~”

Iruka stared at him, mouth working uselessly. He  _ really was _ taunting him. Goodnaturedly, sweetly, but definitely aggravatingly. “ _ Damn it, Kakashi!” _

It was a dodge and dash over the water after that. Kakashi  _ just  _ kept ahead of him the entire time, occasionally tossing back a water jet to keep him on his toes. Kakashi was leading him somewhere for some reason. Exactly where or why he couldn’t quite determine. Was this a part of the date they were supposed to be having? 

His answer wasn’t delivered until a waterfall came into view and Kakashi ducked behind it. After a moment’s hesitation, Iruka followed. 

Candlelight lit up the cavern with a dim, cozy glow.

Candlelight reflecting on crystal and glinting silver. Cardinal blinked, utterly at a loss now that his husband was standing -shifting anxiously from foot to foot- beside a white cloth spread over the stone and laid with silverware, china, and cut, crystal glasses. Red wine sparked in those elegant glasses. Everything was so sparkly, so refined, it was like a romantic scene from a novel. His throat closed up on tears. Oh no, he  _ was not _ going to cry,  _ damn it! _

Only, he couldn’t seem to stop himself. 

Kakashi so lovingly and thoughtfully prepared this surprise, he was weeping like a fool in an instant. It was downright aggravating and embarrassing, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He just covered his face with his hands, tears dampening his cheeks and fingers.

“Eh? Iruka, what- Are you okay?” Kakashi really, truly sounded taken aback. His husband was at his side in an instant, trying to get a hand on Iruka’s elbow to turn him toward his alpha’s chest. 

Iruka waved him away with one hand, the other rubbing at his cheeks so he could try smearing the tears away. “It’s fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine,” he insisted all the while.

“Iruka...” His mate stood there, the skin around his eyes drawn tight with concern. “Did I do something wrong? Is it too much?”

This only made Iruka break into hiccuping, half-sobbing laughter. “No! No, you didn’t. I-I’m just a little overwhelmed. I wasn’t expecting this.” He sniffed and swiped at the tears lingering in his eyes. He offered his husband a watery smile. “I’m alright, this looks lovely. Turns out you had a great idea for our date after all.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, the alpha took a cautious step closer. Kakashi held a hand out to him in silent invitation. “I just wanted to surprise you.”

Cardinal walked right into those open arms and leaned against his mate. “Well, you did.”

Kakashi nuzzled into his hair and kissed the tip of his ear. “Can I… ask you something?”

The soft tone did nothing to hide the seriousness of that question. “Yes? What is it?” 

His husband was moving oddly, swaying them slightly on their feet, like he was uncertain of himself and Iruka couldn’t figure out why. He couldn’t get a read on Kakashi at all today. What in the world did he have to be nervous about? “Honestly, Kakashi, if something is wrong-”

“Will you marry me?”

Iruka’s legs almost buckled from beneath him, despite Kakashi half holding him up. “W-what?!” It came out more high-pitched than he intended it to, but he wasn’t really thinking beyond those four words. “We’re already married,  _ damn it!” _ He really shouldn’t be shouting but he couldn’t seem to help it. Cardinal flushed up to his ears, his entire face bright red. His damn alpha had the power to completely unravel his composure in an instant. It  _ wasn’t fair _ ! “Kakashi, what are you-”

“You don’t remember the last time.” 

The words stopped his short. Iruka tilted his head up to meet Kakashi’s gaze. Those grey eyes were sad but sparking with deep affection. “I wanted to ask you again. Will you marry me?”

Tears welled up in Iruka’s eyes again and he bit his lip to hold them back. “I, Kakashi, I…” His arms tightened around his husband. He buried his face in the alpha’s shoulder. Iruka stayed like that for a few minutes, with his mate rubbing slow circles on his back, recomposing himself enough to work through the jumble of emotions warring inside him. 

Shock and uncertainty battled with a delighted kind of satisfaction. Kakashi always said he wanted  _ him  _ regardless of any changes or challenges they went through because he loved him. But this proposal brought a whole new meaning to that constant declaration. 

His husband genuinely loved him. 

He  _ didn’t _ remember Kakashi proposing to him the first time because that proposal had been to Iruka-sensei. But this was for him  _ -for them- _ and he wanted it. He wanted his husband just as much as he did his pups. “Kakashi- I… Y-yes. Sage above,  _ yes! _ I’ll marry you, Kakashi. As many times as you want.”

He wasn’t quite sure how he expected his mate to react. The watery eye smile and subtle tightening of the alpha’s arms around him weren’t quite it, though. But tucking his head beneath Kakashi’s chin, Iruka realized this was all they really needed. This small, tender moment was just fine and he wouldn’t have it any other way. “You mean so much to me, Kakashi,” he murmured into the fabric of his alpha’s shirt.

“I love you, Iruka.” One of Kakashi’s hands cradled the back of his head. “Do you want to eat now?”

“Well, considering I’m soaked, blubbering, and have just  _ hiked up a mountain _ , yes I would love to eat now, Kakashi.”

Kakashi chuckled softly. Iruka wasn’t sure if he felt like smacking the man or smirking in silly, love-struck pleasure. This was his mate.  _ His Kakashi. _ Being dragged up a mountain for a proposal was something so bizarrely fitting for him. 

They sat and Kakashi poured out the wine, passing him a glass. Just as his husband was about to take a drink, Iruka asked out of the blue, “is this how you proposed to me the first time?”

Judging by the way Kakashi choked on his wine and lapsed into a coughing fit, Iruka guessed it wasn’t.

* * *

Iruka was surprised he hadn’t worn the varnish off the engawa, that was how many times he had paced back and forth access the same stretch of wood. Nerves fluttered through his stomach like he’d consumed a hoard of butterflies.

Houki was coming for a sleepover.

It was a simple thing, but it wasn’t simple all at once. For the first time since waking up in the hospital, his son was going to be with him and Kakashi the whole night. Things were finally stable enough between them to bring Houki home for a trial run. If things went well, they could try for a weekend next and then maybe  _ -hopefully- _ more. 

He saw his pup four or five days a week. They met for playdates, had meals together, and Houki even came to the house for visits. 

But this was different. 

This was more.

It was another step towards getting his entire family together. As they always should have been. How he ended up with a family this big, Cardinal wasn’t sure, but he planned to hang onto every single one of them as tightly as he could. Houki, Kakashi, Hinoko, Naruto and his own little family. It was more than he ever dared dream of. 

Kakashi had promised to pick Houki up on the way home from work. He’d arranged to get out of the office early so they could spend some quality time together. Cardinal wished he had an answer to that one.

This was the man notorious for being chronically late- 

“Papa!! Look, Papa, look! Daddy and I got ramen for supper!” 

Iruka was off the engawa in a flash, rushing down the walkway to scoop his son up into his arms half before he registered the end of his previous thought and the understanding his mate and pup were there. Houki dropped the take-out bag he carried, but Kakashi caught it before it hit the grass. Whining softly, Iruka buried his face in his pup’s dark hair and scented him deeply. “My boy.” 

Houki wrapped his arms around his father’s neck, purring softly. “We’re home, Papa.” 

“Welcome home,” he greeted, trying to keep his emotions from his voice. Holding back tears wasn’t easy. He smiled at his husband over their son’s shoulder. “Both of you.” 

Kakashi’s eyes crinkled at the edges as he leaned in for a kiss. “It’s been a busy day. I hope you’re hungry.”

“I am, Daddy!” Houki pipped up from his perch on Cardinal’s hip. “Can we eat the ramen now?” 

Smiling against Kakashi’s lips, Iruka pretended to think it over. “Hm, well I  _ suppose  _ we can. If you’re really that hungry.” 

“I am,” their pup agreed without any hesitation. His cheek dropped rather dramatically onto his papa’s shoulder. “Chasing Boruto _ all _ afternoon is really tiring. No wonder Shikadai pretends he’s sleeping all the time.” 

Cardinal barely managed to hold back a laugh, biting the inside of his cheek. By the slight tremble to Kakashi’s shoulders, his husband was in the same boat. “Well,” the alpha began slowly after taking a moment to compose himself. “We better dig into that ramen then.” 

Houki threw his hands into the air. “Yay!”

“Ramen again, huh?”

Kakashi shrugged. “That’s what happens when you let the four-year-old pick.”

The ramen was even more delicious than he remembered, and Kakashi had brought home enough to feed a small army. Several bowls of varying flavours littered the kotatsu. Houki stretched out between them and dove right for the shio ramen with kakuni and negi. Kakashi settled on miso ramen with saury chunks and wakame. Neither was his preference, but still good choices. 

Staring down at his own bowl of tonkotsu ramen with chashu, kakuni and an extra egg -the same dish shared with Hinoko over a week ago- Iruka found his chest constricting and eyes blurring. His grip tightened on his chopsticks. 

“Iruka, is everything okay?” A warm hand landed on his shoulder and squeezed lightly. 

He nodded, quickly wiping the tears away when he caught Houki’s worried gaze. His pup had enough upheaval the last few months without seeing his father break down again. “Just got some dirt in my eye, nothing to worry about.”

Houki’s eyes narrowed into a suspicious squint. “You gotta take a bath then, Papa. Do you need me to show you have to scrub well?” 

Kakashi snorted, once more trying to stifle his laughter. Cardinal kicked him playfully under the kotatsu. “Would you like to join me for a bath?”

His darling pup cocked his head to one side in consideration. “Daddy too?” 

“If he wants.” 

Houki turned expectantly to Kakashi, grey eyes large and bottom lip quivering. That was a puppy pout if he’d ever seen one. “Wanna bath with me and Papa?” 

The Rokudaime Hokage’s lips curved into a genuine, soft smile. “Do you think there’s room?” 

“Don’t worry, Daddy, we can squish!”

That was how the three of them ended up splashing around in the bathtub, laughing and shouting, until their skin wrinkled and the water turned cold. 

Once Houki started to yawn, Iruka dried their pup with a large, fluffy towel and dressed him in a set of soft, cotton pyjamas. By the time he rubbed Houki’s hair dry, his son was half asleep against his shoulder. “...Wanna sleep with you,” he mumbled softly. 

Houki didn’t need to ask. He had no intention of putting his son down, even when the pup started snoring lightly in his arms. Nothing was going to pry Houki away from him right now. 

Kakashi just smiled and helped get their little family settled in bed. With Houki cuddled between them, the alpha slipped an arm around his shoulders. Iruka found himself relaxing into the gentle embrace, his head pillowed on his husband’s bicep. “I think today went well,” he whispered quietly so as not to wake up their son.

“I believe so.” The Rokudaime nodded and nuzzled his face into Iruka’s hair. “He was so excited, I could barely keep him still while we waited for the take-out.” 

He bit his bottom lip to keep from chucking. “Another one inherited my love of ramen, huh?” 

Kakashi sighed in disdain. “That seems to be the case.” 

Snuffling softly in his sleep, Houki cuddled a little closer. Iruka gently brushed the boy’s wild bangs out of his face, his fingers lingering against their son’s chubby cheek. “What was he like as a baby?” Bonding with the pup was second nature, but there was still so much he missed.

So much he wished he could remember. 

Despite trying his best to create new memories with both Houki and Naruto, it didn’t bring back the years stolen from him. Those brief flashes of what  _ Iruka-sensei _ experienced never satisfied. If anything, he longed for more. 

“Pensive.” 

He stared at his husband blankly. “I’m sorry, what?” Who described a baby like that?

Kakashi scratched the side of his head sheepishly. “Ah, well, I suppose he took after me? Houki was a quiet baby, rather perceptive. Maybe shrewd is a better word for it?”

“No, that most definitely is not.” Though Hinoko was similar as an infant. He always assumed her more quiet nature stemmed from her ill health. Perhaps that was for the better. Letting himself search for similarities between his fragile, little daughter and her allusive sire would’ve done no good.

“Mah, if it helps any, he was definitely a  _ Papa’s Boy.” _ Shrugging to himself, Kakashi tucked the blanket a little more snugly around their son. “For the first year, he was with you everywhere you went. You even took him to work with you at the Academy and Mission Desk when your parental leave ended.” 

“I did?” 

“No one could tongue-lash a jounin into submission with an infant in their arms with quite as much finesse as you.” 

Iruka rolled his eyes. “I’m not sure if that’s a compliment or an insult.” 

“A compliment, I assure you.” Pulling his mask down below his chin, Kakashi leaned in for a kiss. The alpha’s grey eyes softened. “I missed this, I missed you. For a while, I thought I might have lost you for good.”

Cardinal felt his stomach clench uncomfortably.  _ Guilt,  _ his mind supplied. “Kakashi, I’m not the same-” 

His husband cut off the protest with another kiss. “I know, that’s okay. Really, it is. I’ve come to terms with the fact your memories aren’t likely to return. If they do, that’s wonderful, but I’m not going to stop loving  _ you _ if they don’t, Iruka. What we’re building together is good. I want to be with you for who you are now. I love you.” Kakashi gently pressed their foreheads together. “...I just missed the tenderness.”

“Kakashi…” 

“You don’t have to say anything, I just wanted to be honest.” 

He shook his head and pressed his cheek against his husband’s. “Kakashi, I’m sorry. I haven’t been the easiest person to live with. I was deliberately cruel and I kept pushing you away.” He looked down at their pup, heart aching. Things  _ had _ been good lately, with them and their pups. It felt like they were slowly moving forward together. “I-I don’t want to be like that anymore. You’ve been nothing but supportive and patient with my bullshit. I’m not okay, not yet, but I’m working on it. I want to be with you and our pups. I want our family.” 

Palming his cheek in a gloved hand, Kakashi tugged his head up. “Iruka, I love you. You’re my husband, my mate. For better or worse, no matter what life throws at us, that will never change.” 

When the tears came this time, he didn't fight them. This amazing alpha was his mate. How had he gotten so lucky? Carding a hand through Kakashi’s hair, he kissed him tenderly. “Thank you for not giving up on me.”

“I never have and I never will.  _ ‘I’ll be back.’ _ That was a promise we always made to each other when either of us had to leave for a mission. It meant… no matter what we’d always find each other again.” Kakashi’s thumb gently brushed a few tears away, pushed them off Iruka’s cheek. “I knew every time we said those words to each other, you would always find me if I needed it, just like I would for you. I would chase you to the ends of the earth if I had to.” 

Iruka’s stomach did a strange flip. What had he done to deserve such dedication? “I’m not going anywhere Kakashi,” he murmured softly. “Right here is where I want to be.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry for the delay on this chapter. Life got in the way. Leo is getting ready for the launch of his second book in a week! It's a very exciting time. <3 Hope everyone is having a wonderful summer so far. Take care.


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